Thank you everyone of you. So much cleverness amongst JWN-members!
Sizemik: Yeah, I think u're right about Hamsterbeit. Its nature. Parents love their children more than children love their parents. It has to be that way, or they would never be able to move out and get independent of us. I know and respect that fact and have absolutely no problem with it. Its just so darn frustrating that what I know as a parent would be a better way of life for my child, is scaring her, and experienced by her as the quite opposite. She has been taught that the "world" is a terrible place. And she really think so, and of cours only see the horror, not the positive things going on. And the fact, that her own mother, that once was sooo zeal and loyal to, and 100% convinced that the GB was the only channel between God and men, that I now would rather she preferred the"world", its totally surreal to her, and she thinks that is not a loving act from me as her mother and that scares her and makes her want to turn her trust to other adults in the "truth" as a surrogate for her real mum. Devostating.
Chris: Questions are a good tool. My eldest daughter (20 yo), is actually slowly waking up. And this is thanks to questions for her to answer and working in her mind over time. And I can feel unconditional love from her, despite disagreeing on something (of cours, that's how it should be), and I am so gratefull to watch her taking more and more lead of her own life and opinions. I know deep in my heart that she will leave at some point in the future. But gosh, 2 and 1/2 years is a huge difference. 17 and 20 is two different stages. I have to be patiant, and wait for my youngest to be more reflective and wanting to think a little bit deeper than the GB teaches her to. She is totally allergic to even the slitest negative hint on doctrines or interpretations. So have to leave it out of conversations, but I was stupid and responded on a txt-message from her expressing her deep worries about my spiritual weakness, and I was too open about my opinions on the phone. Havent heard from her since.
Bizzybee: Good point. Security is a great issue here. She feels totally insecure because I no longer share her believes which I so ceanly taught her as a child. She just cant comprehend the fact that I have changed. That makes her world very unstable and strange. Never the less, I agree with you. I have to convince her that I am on solid ground, and stand firm. No wishy-washy. And that I expect her to respect my view, as I respect her view. But that is so hard for JW. They cannot respect other opinions. But again....patiance....
Cacky: I feel your pain in my bones! And I so recognise what you have experienced with other JW-adults manipulating with your daughters way of seeing you as how a loving mum should be. "If she truely loved you she would consentrate and spend her time on your spiritual wellfare, not doing selfish stuff like i.e going to college. Your mum only thinks of her self, she does not love you." Sooo completely cold and cynic! But dont give up! Keep sending small but loving messages, txt or e-mails or postcard or what ever. Dont expect any thing in return. But never stop showing them that your love is the same and will always be. Who knows...with all the information on the net. Never say never, and when they one day can see thru the vail, then they will turn to you knowing that you were always there for them.
Mind blown: Please, never stop hoping. Never stop hoping that she will one day understand that your love for her is so much bigger than she can grasp right now. She keeps distance because she loves you, and she protects her own feelings by shunning you. Its easier for her to live with. As my eldest tried to explain to me when I was out. She would rather shun me 100%, than having just a little "nessecary" contact. It hurt her to much to just have a little of me. And I understand that. Its heartbreaking. If only JW could see all the suffering....and the completely lack of humanity. Do not get bitter! It only gets worse for you. See it from her perspective, and continue to show her love, and dont expect any in return. Show her real unconditional love, cause that is something she will never ever get from anyone inside the cult.
Phizzy: Definetely going to use that 2009 statement sometime. Its a big one. But I hope for a long and peacefull period from now on. Have to establish trust and report (Steven Hassan)again before next "round". I know she wants me back in because she loves me. But it is hard to know that she thinks that I turn my back on her and Jehova. Its so twisted! And yes I am lucky, I know that. And I know she develope and mature also thru painfull conversations. No doubt about it. As long as she deep inside feels that cognitive dissonance there is hope. She knows deap in her heart that I am a loving and caring person even though I dont agree with GB. And GB teaches her that noone outside the cult can feel/and show real love. She will have to admit that one day I hope.
Billy: Yes, ca. 7,6mill in her background putting pressure on her to put pressure on me. Definetely some front-figures that manipulates her. Besides GB, for instance her father. She tells me that he did not support her in cutting me off when I was out. But at the same time I got some horrible txt-messages from him, telling me to stay far away from my daughters, that I was the reason for their suffering, and compared me with that sympathic lady Yesabel etc etc. So, yes I can hear him... "Ofcours" you can have contact with your mum, but on the other side....... just like WT, in a nutshell. And there are my two "best", now former friends, who turned me for having an apostate on my facebook friendlist. Two sisters who have had an important impact on both my girls since infants. I know how they have been working. "If mummy really loved you, she would never leave the truth etc etc". The fact that your parents can feel, and see that your love for them have not changed after leaving the cult, must make them think a little bit. Good work! Its so against WT-propaganda. Same with my mum. But I've been very honest with her about my convictions, and to her credit she has not turned her back on me. But I know she is disapointed.
I am going visiting my eldest this weekend and I know we are going to have a great time and some deep conversations about the org. I will give her a writing that my friend did while studying psychology at uni. I told her about it and she said she wanted to read it! Its about the connections between identity and fundamentalistic religion. Why do people join fundamentalism? Very interesting. She will love it. And it will open her mind, making it less dangerous to read "apostate" litterature in the future. Lil sis has deep respect and love for big sis. And if big sis gets out, that will definetely make lil-sis re-evaluate her relationship with the org. I hope. Can only hope and wait.
