Posts by pale.emperor

13

Fading 2.0

by pale.emperor in

the following examples are true.

witnessed by myself and many many other jw's of my age generation.. they're examples of a successful fade, and a failed fade and what we can learn from them.. the successful fade.

sister c - she gets baptized at 19yo.

pale.emperor

LOL I was so Brother M .....

Ha, and in case you hadn't guessed yet, brother M is me.

13

Fading 2.0

by pale.emperor in

the following examples are true.

witnessed by myself and many many other jw's of my age generation.. they're examples of a successful fade, and a failed fade and what we can learn from them.. the successful fade.

sister c - she gets baptized at 19yo.

pale.emperor

The following examples are true. Witnessed by myself and many many other JW's of my age generation.

They're examples of a successful fade, and a failed fade and what we can learn from them.

THE SUCCESSFUL FADE

SISTER C - She gets baptized at 19yo. Her dad is an elder, a very popular and well loved elder. Their family is wealthy and they're at the heart of the congregation. She's popular, attractive, gets invited to lots of parties and well liked.

One day her dad comes off as a an elder. A week later he's disfellowshipped. Then he leaves his family and lives with another woman (the same age as his daughter).

Naturally this is a hard blow to the family. Distraught, and under a lot of stress she stops going to the meetings. The odd occasion where she does turn up she puts up a brave face but is visibly upset at the whole thing. Then she just stops going.

2 months later she's living with a boy. 2 years later she marries him. During this, and to this day, she's still in good association with active witnesses. Still get's invited to witness parties, she even turns up to the convention with her husband and little child even though they dont believe it and make no pretense about it.

WHAT WE LEARN FROM THIS - if you're looking to leave, capitalize on any bad experience you, or your family, goes through. You're "depressed", "distraught" etc and people will be sympathetic.

THE FAILED FADE

BROTHER M - Brother M is very well read in matters of religion. He sincerely believed the WT for many years but the more he thinks about certain things they just dont add up. He decides it's not the truth and wants to leave. Unfortunately, he is married to a believer and his entire family are JW.

He tells his wife and family and fellow witnesses he trusts of his doubts and the things he's learned that are not made known to JW's. He decreases his ministry, he stop answering up. He's hit and miss at the KH.

One day someone he confided in about his doubts informs an elder. The body of elders harass him to meet with them. He agrees. His beliefs are picked away at, he's labelled an apostate (despite citing evidence for everything he says, even from their own old publications). He's called to a JC. He goes. He's disfellowshipped.

His entire family cut him off. Even though they WANT to associate with him they cut him off. In fact, in the days leading up to his DF announcement he's visited every day by his family just so they can see him on last time. They tearfully tell him they love him but they have to obey the elders or THEY themselves will be DF.

WHAT WE LEARN FROM THIS - Keep your thoughts to yourself. If you dont tell anyone, there's no way it can get out. Also, clear your internet history religiously after going on sites like this. If you agree to meet with the elders you're giving them the power they want to disfellowship you. Ignore they're calls.

Im sure you guys could add more tips to this but this if i could turn the clock back one year i wish i'd known this.

37

Elders harassing me

by raven in

hi everyone, it has been a while since i've last updated!

(refer to my previous posts for the full story) here is a quick re-cap: 2 months ago my mother found out that i am living with my boyfriend, she told me i was discovered by an "anonymous" tipper who turned me in for "living in sin".. first of all, that is nearly impossible, the congregation i was in is 100's of miles away from where i currently live.. no one would have ever known i was living with my boyfriend unless i told them, which i never did, i cut off all communication with that congregation in part of my attempted fade which was blown into pieces and discovered.. anyways, my mom tells me if i don't go to the elders and confess like a good little sheep, then she is obligated to tell them.. ( don't see why, i don't even live under her roof ) well i never went to them because why should i?

so they met with my mother and she told them i live with my boyfriend... let me remind you, this was two months ago.. i was told i was going to be df'd and that was that.

pale.emperor

I've been DF'd for about 2 weeks. I had the same situation as you, one day i had 46 missed calls!!! Not to mention texts, emails and my apartment buzzer going off every 20 mins. I eventually had to turn the buzzer off.

Stupidly, i went to the judicial and they DF'd me. Im sure there's a clause in the elders guidebook that says something along the lines of "if they turn up to a JC they are recognizing the authority of the body".

I'd ignore them entirely.

35

Well... im disfellowshipped now.

by pale.emperor in

very long story.

i've been away from this site for a while.. basically, i tried to leave.

handed in my disassociation letter, it kicked up a storm and 2 weeks later i was disfellowshipped.

pale.emperor

I was at the hall the other day to pick my daughter up. Very strange to be invisible to a room full of people. The wierdest thing is though, that when i was "in", my wife and i were practically ignored by the popular crowd, the cliquies and the elders families. When i went in, my wife was surrounded by the who's who of the congregation, swapping phone numbers, getting invited to parties etc. I guess it's their opportunity to dig for gossip.

Also, i had to laugh out loud at this one - i lift my daughter up and she gives me a big hug and kiss, and elder comes up and starts talking TO HER while im right there holding her looking at him. I said to her "he's strange isn't he?".

Im enjoying being ignored. The fact that these deluded people cant talk to me even if they want to is a blessing. But at the same time it's a little upsetting because i have absolutely zero friends. And no family. I cant even make friends in work because i work for a small company and there's no one my age. I can only get out and meet people 2 nights a week because i have my daughter staying over the other days.

12

not one but four witnesses at my door

by gerry in

having not had a witness knock on my door since i left over 13 years ago i was surprised a few sunday mornings ago to find two young sisters who i had not seen before at my door.

it was not long before their husbands who were witnessing at my neighbors joined the conversation.

the conversation went on for some time so i am keeping the experience as brief as i can.. mind you with all what has been happening lately with the australian royal commission here in australia i had been looking forward to having a discussion with any witness who comes within earshot.

pale.emperor

Excellent post. Im recently disfellowshipped myself. The shunning thing was a major stumbling block for me, and being shunned myself now i see it was a sad affair. Not for me, i couldn't give a rats-ass that JW's pretend im invisible... it's just weird. Its not normal and not right. My mother and sisters want to talk to me. They're in another congregation. But they dont because they're told not to by an organization. How bad is that?

My mum used the reasoning “we have to stop talking/associating with you so that one day you’ll come back”. But then, I’d be coming back to get my family back. Nothing to do with “the truth”. Pure blackmail and cult control right there.

As for the example of the mother not answering the phone to her DF daughter – this very situation is in the new video they’re going to show at this years convention. The “faithful” mother doesn’t answer the phone and is praised for it.

35

Well... im disfellowshipped now.

by pale.emperor in

very long story.

i've been away from this site for a while.. basically, i tried to leave.

handed in my disassociation letter, it kicked up a storm and 2 weeks later i was disfellowshipped.

pale.emperor

Aside from the situation with my daughter im the happiest i've ever been. My sister and her family visited me before i was DF'd and she said she hasn't seen my looking so good in years. Im learning Spanish, Im in an Art class on Thursday evenings, i have more self respect (no more lying to myself) im a lot more outgoing and sociable and accepting of other people.

However. I have no friends or family. My family genuinely believe if they talk to me - even say hello in the street would disqualify them from eternal life. So, although they WANT to talk to me, they dont. I have no friends because when i was "in" i followed the "fine council" to only associate with JW's.

But i suppose the only way is up from here. I'm glad it's happened now when im 31 and not older. My daughter wont be baptized into this i can promise you all that.

35

Well... im disfellowshipped now.

by pale.emperor in

very long story.

i've been away from this site for a while.. basically, i tried to leave.

handed in my disassociation letter, it kicked up a storm and 2 weeks later i was disfellowshipped.

pale.emperor

Thanks guys. I think in time my daughter will be living with me anyway. My wife finds it hard looking after her on her own - where as i find it really enjoyable. Twice already she's rang me in tears asking me to look after our daughter for another day. Then the next day her parents step in and she's "alright" again.

She's keeping things from her parents though. Im not gonna go down the route of snitching on people. I'll just let that come out on its own. There's people in that hall that have a reputation of whiter-than-white. Which is funny, because only 2 month before i was disfellowshipped i was in a strip club with one of these brothers. Who's probably shitting his pants lest i tell the elders. Or maybe brother so-and-so would like to know that his precious pioneer daughter isnt a virgin. Well... at least according to a WT magazine standard if you know what i mean. Then there's the three recently appointed min servents - one of whom has kissed a boy in a nightclub, the other two have been with the same girl at the same time. But who am i to say anything?

"The truth will always come out" so sayeth one of the elders at my judicial. Let's hope he's right.

35

Well... im disfellowshipped now.

by pale.emperor in

very long story.

i've been away from this site for a while.. basically, i tried to leave.

handed in my disassociation letter, it kicked up a storm and 2 weeks later i was disfellowshipped.

pale.emperor

Very long story. I've been away from this site for a while.

Basically, i tried to leave. Handed in my disassociation letter, it kicked up a storm and 2 weeks later i was disfellowshipped. Allow me to explain:

After a few years of doubts over some doctrines, the changing beliefs, the hypocrisy, the lies, the social cliques in the hall etc i became an unbeliever inside but "went along" for the sake of my family.

I read Crises Of Conscience and this just cemented the doubts I had.

Then one day my sister in law is nosing on my computer and finds my activity for this site. She takes pics of the articles ive written and shows the elders. Im bombarded with calls by elders but i dont answer them. At one point I had 46 missed calls in a single day of different elders. I also received emails and texts imploring me to call them. I never did.

During this my wife fearing i've become an apostate leaves me and moves in with her parents. Her dads an elder. After just one day her behavior has changed. Before this came out she agreed with most of what i was saying about this being a captive religion, you cant leave with your reputation in tact etc. NOW she's parroting things WT magazines have been saying. A clear sign she's being influenced by her parents (because my wife has very little JW knowledge, she just agrees with everyone else).

Anyway. Because i dont believe it anyway i decided to speed up the inevitable and hand my disassociation letter in. My mother and sisters are distraught that i did it and begged me to speak to and elder. My reply was also the same "i dont believe any elder is any more scriptural aware than anyone else", "i dont recognize the authority of that body".

The emails kept coming. One elder who i though was ok was very persistant. Eventually i decided to meet with him in a pub to put an end to them all nagging me. Among other things he told me disassociating is a cowardly thing to do, and just go to the judicial and "play the game". So... stupidly, i did.

The judicial came around and it lasted for about 3 hours. The first hour or so was them trying to get me to say "you have the truth and i want to come back". But the conversation was actually me saying "i cant teach what i know to be a lie", "the stuff Rutherford taught is pretty much all obsolete now", "the 1914 teaching is flawed" etc etc.

In the end one of them (the one known for his no-bullshit approach) said "well that doesnt matter now, all's that matters is do you believe Jehovah is God and Jesus is his son?" i said yes. He said "right then, we can continue with the judicial".

After about 2 hours they picked away at my "apostasy" and how disassociating is worse than a death and eventually they disfellowshipped me.

The same speil about "if you want to come back do this, this and this etc".

But there's something else. My 2yo daughter is with my wife in her parents house. I see her 3 days a week and it's upsetting me to see her wonder what's going on. Part of me is tempted to go to the meetings, play the game and get reinstated just to see her properly.

I think my wife and I are finished. I actually hope so. I've supported her for so long and given up so much and she's constantly betrayed by trust by telling her parents everything.

135

I've been found out!

by pale.emperor in

well, thats it folks.. my identity on here has been rumbled and reported to the elders.

someone, somehow, has figured out that im a member of this site and - rather than speak to me - has promptly reported me to the elders.

i just feel sad for my daughter.

pale.emperor

Ok, so another update:

I wanted to leave anyway - i wont give them the pleasure of a JC, the pleasure of interrogating me - I've mailed me DA letter today.

I text each of my family members telling them of my decision and added "i know this means you'll effectively have to shun me but as far as im concerned you dont have to. Our relationship isnt just "fellow witnesses" we're family first and thats closer. If you want to cut me off then i'll respect your wishes". My mum called me. She's the most hard-core believer (the kind that thinks Elders families are holier than all of us mortals.) She said straight away she's not gonna shun me. She did try and reason with me and so did my sisters but they're not shunning me either.

As for my wifes family... well coincidentally they've invited my wife round. She's told me she's staying there tonight with my daughter. To be honest i could do with the head space. I know what comes next, daddy elder will fill her head with bullshit.

The elders in my mums hall already know about my DA and have "councilled" her of the "loving" provision of shunning her son. In the hope that I'll see the "light" and return to the bOrg. Strange because I only posted the letter in the mail an hour ago! The only person who knew that i was posting it was my wifes dad (an elder in my hall). Words travels fast. Also, nothing has even been announced yet.

All in all i have a bumpy ride ahead of me. All i can says is it's great to be free. But when my family see the cultish DF vids in the upcoming convention we might see a change there.

135

I've been found out!

by pale.emperor in

well, thats it folks.. my identity on here has been rumbled and reported to the elders.

someone, somehow, has figured out that im a member of this site and - rather than speak to me - has promptly reported me to the elders.

i just feel sad for my daughter.

pale.emperor

Hi everyone. Just been catching up on your advice. I caved. I knew they knew more than they were letting on, playing their cards close to their chests. Turns out my wife's brothers wife was babysitting my daughter on day and "stumbled upon" my web history on my personal laptop. My login details were pre filled (my fault). So she's read the lot and took pics n shown the elders. She also "stumbled upon" Crises of conscience in PDF, and Gentile Times Reconsidered - "apostate driven lies" about 1914 being baloney.

i knew they were toying with me. So it old em yes that's me, I don't believe it and I haven't done for some time.

what happens next I'll keep you posted.