I only have 1 this year as I'm hoping this way I might actually be able to acheive it and that is to find more time for my "real world" friends. I've gotten so into just reading and posting here in my free time that I've generally even lost interest in "going" out.......so my real friends have become "online" friends as well via e-mail. Hoping to change all that.
pettygrudger
JoinedPosts by pettygrudger
-
15
What Are Your New Year's Resolutions?
by SpannerintheWorks inmine are:.
don't be late!.
don't drink so much!.
-
-
-
33
INTERNATIONAL FREEDOM - FEST.
by Englishman inan international freedom - fest for ex- jw's is to be held over the weekend of april 19 - 20.. the location is simply stated at present.
it's at a beach location, somewhere in florida!
i believe that's in the usa.
-
-
pettygrudger
Sounds like alot of fun....please do keep us updated - I've been saying I need a vacation - so perhaps this will be it (although I wonder - is that the week of "spring break" here in the US)?
-
-
-
pettygrudger
No one would be more deserving of a beautiful 2003 than you Sherri - Happy New Year!
-
26
pettygrudger
by shera in.
hi,i wanted to ask you a question about autism.i'm sure it is you that has a son with autism.sorry if i have you mistaken.... i am having an extremly hard time keeping clothes on my son,and he is getting older.. thanks.
info from anyone who knows what they are talking about,please....... take care
-
-
pettygrudger
The method I tried last time made Matthew worse,he seemed to regressed to his smearing feces.....I would take around a half an hour a day and "train" him to keep his clothes on,everytime he took his clothes off I would hold him in the corner for 30 seconds and put his clothes back on.He was keeping his clothes on longer,but he started to wet himself and smear.He does keep his clothes on in school and most of the time in other peoples homes.It seems to be when he wants to go into his own little world,he strips and wraps himself in a blanket and rocks,making a loud growling noise. I have a lock on his door,to keep him "out" of his room,because this is where the behavior happens,more. I mentioned there isn't much help here in Nova Scotia for children like Matthew,unless you have money and LOTS of it.I try to get in work shops,but they are so nice to take off 75.00 for the fee...lol.Then all I need is still hundreds of dollars.I don't have the money for that.
I'm not a licensed "ABA" therapist, but your post indicates that Matthew was being "rewarded" by taking his clothes off - by you holding him in the corner for 30 seconds (I'm sure he struggled) - he was getting sensory input that otherwise was not available to him. Do you do the brushing techniques? This in of itself will help - I think. Also - absolutely do not touch him when he takes his clothes on - if anything remove yourself (and his "reward") from the situation. Also, "squeezy" hugs regularly throughout the day may help as well (as Xandria alluded too - the direct pressure is something these children crave although they may not appear to like it - struggling gets "more" pressure and they really do like this).
Smearing feces is also another sensory driven exercise....and another way of getting "attention". With Nick, we ceased smearing of feces within a week by removing the "rewards" (hubby would yell & scream, I'd cry - lots of tantrums on everyone's part - but in the end Nick got the reward of the sensory input from not only smearing his feces, but the struggle in cleaning him up & dressing him & the bath that came at the end which is his favorite activity). He did this on average 4x a week. We ceased this by "upping" the amount of time he would play with things like "playdough" and "thick" finger paints and also totally ignored his smearing while he was present. This meant I would wipe him off with a lukewarm washclothe, lock the room in which he had smeared and divert him for a time so he wouldn't see me actually cleaning up his mess. Then we'd wait an hour & then give him a bath so he wouldn't connect all of it with a "reward". Took a week, but its been over a year & we've only had 1 infraction - but I could immediately tell that it was because we hadn't been doing his brushings or squeezy hugs in awhile. Don't worry, you won't have to do it forever - they will learn other "self-stimulating" techniques and eventually with the appropriate therapies you can integrate his "sensory" issues so they are no longer an issue.
Do you have access to books on ABA therapy and sensory integration? I'm not speaking of the 1:1 instruction - there are many "professionals" who don't "agree" with this type of instruction. But the basic principles of ABA work - trust me. If you do not have access to this type of therapy - please email me so I can send you some books on the different techniques. It takes ALOT of consistency, and the changes don't come overnight - but they DO come. And rather than your parenting becoming a "punitive" thing - it becomes a more "teaching" & "praising" way - which works regardless whether the child is neuro-typical or not.
-
26
pettygrudger
by shera in.
hi,i wanted to ask you a question about autism.i'm sure it is you that has a son with autism.sorry if i have you mistaken.... i am having an extremly hard time keeping clothes on my son,and he is getting older.. thanks.
info from anyone who knows what they are talking about,please....... take care
-
-
pettygrudger
I couldn't sleep without telling you of this technique that has worked with Nick....Its based on ABA therapy & it would go something like this..
#1 - Hopefully your son has a favorite "treat" - take it away for a couple of days (stall, substitute, whatever you have to do)
#2 - when you're ready to begin, reinforce the "positive" (i.e. keeping clothes on) by "catching" him doing it right (every 10 minutes, every 20 etc.). Reward him by giving him a treat (i.e. 1/4 candy bar, couple of skittles - whatever the reward - just not the "normal" amount). This may mean he gets nothing to eat but the treat for the first day or 2 - but don't worry - you will gradually reduce the rewards (from every 10 minutes to every hour, etc. etc.).
#3 - at the same time - if he does get naked IMMEDIATELY remove whatever he is doing (i.e. if he's watching t.v. - turn it off & say "sorry - naked boys can't watch t.v.; if he's playing with his toy - remove the toy - doesn't matter if he plays with another one - if he gets naked again - remove that toy too until there are NO toys ). Once he's put back on his clothes - immediately return the toy he was most interested in playing with with praise (that's great nick - your dressed!).
#4 - with this technique - there is absolutely no "punitive" lecturing or punishment. All is to be done as if you couldn't care less.......and any temper tantrums that ensue are TOTALLY ignore (he's not even in the room - you can't hear a word he's saying or scream - your reading or whatever). This sounds "stupid" - but in reality it REALLY WORKS. Eventually they learn that temper tantrums do not get them anything and they stop throwing the temper tantrums since it doesn't do them any good.
Do not worry that he will become expectent of a reward - it doesn't happen as you gradually reduce the "reward" - eventually it just becomes part of his normal life and He won't become reliant on rewards.
It takes ALOT of consistency here, but the therapy is sound for all individuals - not just those with autism. I find I use it with my other son as well - ignoring bad behavior while removing the reward for said behavior, but constantly finding the "good" stuff & strongly praising it. Sounds funny I know - but I can tell you it works. We have settled many behavioral worries with this technique (nakedness, smearing feces, temper tantrums etc. are just a few).
-
26
pettygrudger
by shera in.
hi,i wanted to ask you a question about autism.i'm sure it is you that has a son with autism.sorry if i have you mistaken.... i am having an extremly hard time keeping clothes on my son,and he is getting older.. thanks.
info from anyone who knows what they are talking about,please....... take care
-
-
pettygrudger
Does he do it all the time or only when certain types of clothing are used? Usually this is an indication of a "sensory" problem - kind of like how some people can't stand "wool" clothing or something of that nature. Some of our little guys are so sensitive to certain fabrics that they prefer to remain naked (my son was one). It also could be a "behavioral" issue - a way to let you know he isn't happy about something in his environment (i.e. my son used to "strip" every time he could get away with it - even in public department stores!). I finally figured out that he needed more frequent "brushings" - do you do this technique? If so, do it more often - it sounds as if this may help the problem.
If it is the behavior - study for awhile (i know its hard) to see when he does it (time of day, certain clothes, whats going on in the environment etc.) Chart & you may see a pattern develop. If so, remove the "reward" for his behavior, and the situation should improve (even if the "reward" seems negative - our guys can confuse it at times).
There are other suggestions, but first try these as usually its one of these 2 things. Let me know what you find out - and feel free to email me privately anytime.
Editted to add - will add more tommorrow as I need some sleep myself
Edited by - pettygrudger on 31 December 2002 0:2:6
-
30
What DO You Know Now That You Didn't Before?
by minimus insince you drifted or fell away from the "truth", what do you now know that you never realized before?
was there anything that shocked or surprised you about the witness religion that you didn't know about til you left??
?
-
-
pettygrudger
ALL OF IT!!! I spent so many years still believing although I didn't participate because I was sure that I wasn't worthy. When I finally thought that might not be quite right (you know forgiveness and all) I chose to take another look at this religion, from "new eyes". From everything I've learned of this religion, I cannot believe I never saw ANY of it before. How can you so blindly follow something? That's what I'll never understand.
-
13
LETTING GO
by Gig insome of you might remember that i fell in love with a jw.
that was two years ago and now i've decided to let her go.
i've done everything i know to do including trying to apply most every good thing i learned since meeting her.
-
-
pettygrudger
hate what the WT does to what would otherwise be really good people. It makes them distrustful, it makes them elevate themselves above others, it makes them try to shoe-box God's love into what only they are worthy of having, it makes them deny their own God given talents and abilities, it keeps them from doing what the Bible says to do: love.
I don't believe I've ever seen it surmised in such a way - this is it in a nutshell.
At least you may have the comfort of knowing that you gave it your best shot. I don't believe this girl really knows what a true "christian" and loving person she had in her life - there are few people that would've done what you did for her (and yourself).
-
43
Bring the draft back? I fear for our sons..
by LyinEyes ini am feeling a bit emotional today,,,,,, i was watching cnn today and there is a big debate going on , if they are going to do another draft like back in the vietnam war.
this made me stand still in my tracks.
omg.
-
-
pettygrudger
Lyin - my son is 16 too and we had a discussion on this subject the other night. I was expressing my concerns and he said "doesn't matter mom - I'm enlisting when I turn 18 anyways". He's said that a few times over the years, but in light of recent events I hoped he'd change his mind. Only 16 and he responds "I have to mom - i feel like its my duty to serve my country". he also said "if everyone listened to their moms - they'd have to draft people & I'd go anyways".
He and his brother are my life, and I don't know what I would ever do without either of them. But, I can't help but be so proud of his attitude about the whole thing. The whole thing makes me want to cry.
-
23
Anniversary Pics. Caution! Boozy Content!
by Englishman ini thought that you might enjoy seeing some pics of our anniversary night out a couple of weeks ago.. this is her ladyship and i at the start of the evening, we're just starting our second bottle of wine, a sprightly sancerre, whilst we await the arrival of our main course in the flute de paris:.
once we'd finished in the restaurant we went back to our - youve guessed it - local pub, the waverley, already visited by 30 + apostates to date.
now we're really warming up, and drinks are on the house for us:.
-
-
pettygrudger
You make a most handsome couple Englishman - congratulations. You both look so happy - we should all be so blessed!