Posts by mentalclarity

29

Guilt trip

by Jrjw in

did anyone have other jws try to guilt trip them when they were leaving or if you were making a decision which jws felt was wrong but wasn't unscriptural?

i'm getting people guilt tripping me to eventually get back with my emotionally, spiritually and mentally abusive husband who i'm separated from.

i feel sick at the thought of getting back together and putting myself through that nightmare again but i'm being told its what jehovah wants coz he doesn't want families to be apart.

Yeah I was guilt tripped too - about leaving the JWs. A friend wrote me an email about how my kids were going to die in Armageddon...I think that's pretty much the "norm". Depending on what culture you're from, emotional blackmail and guilt tripping is pretty common too!

When I divorced I decided to do so because it was in my best interest and my children's best interest. There are always going to be some well meaning people who try to persuade you that staying together is in the best interest of your kids (even non jws). Only you know your circumstances and from what you've posted it seems like you have a good grasp of things. Here's the thing about those type of decisions...you are the one who lives with the consequences - not them. You are the one at home with a husband who has issues and kids that are growing up in that environment thinking that's normal.

You have this great opportunity to create a life that you want and expose your kids to something different..something better... Don't second guess yourself and try to surround yourself with people who can be supportive. Some people just can't unless they agree with your decision. Take everyone out of the equation and ask yourself "what do I want to do?" and then stick to it!

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

mentalclarity

@ Good JW -"I think this is probably one of the biggest issues. Humans need to feel connected; we could do everything possible in the world (be brilliant at whatever pursuit), but if we feel "alone" it would be futile"

I think isolation and disconnection are some of the greatest factors that contribute to feeling a lack of meaningfulness in your life. I had a few weeks vacation and most of my friends traveled while I spent alot of time alone without my usual social contacts. It was rough...I had alot of time to over-think and kind of wallow in some disappointments. This is not my usual state- I know there is merit in enjoying time to re-energize and be on your own, but the truth is, too much alone time is not good.

I find it very rewarding if I can be around people and feel like I'm contributing or helping in some way. It's more about what I can bring to the interaction, than what I can get from it. Maybe for you talking chit chat can be superficial and frivolous, but for someone else, maybe it's the only human interaction they had all day. A shift in focus goes a long way. That's how I've found meaning in my life.

I think especially coming from a JW background you have to find a way to replace that feeling that you were helping people improve their lives by teaching them about the bible (I know that's what I thought I was doing). There's a big void when you leave and it was important for me to find a way to fill that up and still stay true to my values and current beliefs.

66

Since leaving the JW Organization, who is believing?

by Issa in

jw
friends

i left the jw organization last year during summer.

maybe some of you can relate.

who of you are agnostic or an atheist?

mentalclarity

Believer here! After leaving the JWs I went through a period of not believing in anything which was really great for me just to give me some time to think for myself (I'm a born-in). After that, I piece by piece figured out what I believed, what were my convictions, my values, etc. I also happen to be religious but that's because I reframed what religion is for me and what needs it fulfills in my life.

I'm not sure if there are more atheist on this forum or if it happens that they are the most vocal. You know, correlation doesn't equal causation. I also feel welcomed despite that I am still a believer, but I guess that comes with giving up the need for everyone to agree with me in order to express an opinion. Someone expressing that religion and the bible and God is all "magic" doesn't bother me in the least or have any influence on my own beliefs. That's the gift of knowing who you are and in part I have my exit from the JWs to thank for that!

58

Don't you think that some people are just better off within the org?

by paradiseseeker in

jw
friends

this is my first post, i will introduce myself later.

first of all, i must say that english is not my mother tongue (i'm spanish), so excuse me if i make any mistake.. do you think that some people simply can't cope with being outside the jws?

some of them are too worldlyphobic to be around non-jws, too dependent on a fixed set of rules in order to carry on with their lives, too dependent on the hope of paradise and resurrection, too unable to leave their personal comfort zone within the organization.

mentalclarity

scratchme1010- I think you are right on the money. That's what I observe too with some folks that are in.

58

Don't you think that some people are just better off within the org?

by paradiseseeker in

jw
friends

this is my first post, i will introduce myself later.

first of all, i must say that english is not my mother tongue (i'm spanish), so excuse me if i make any mistake.. do you think that some people simply can't cope with being outside the jws?

some of them are too worldlyphobic to be around non-jws, too dependent on a fixed set of rules in order to carry on with their lives, too dependent on the hope of paradise and resurrection, too unable to leave their personal comfort zone within the organization.

mentalclarity

I look at my own family members sometimes and some of the young ones even worry me because I think they lack a lot of skills to live in the "real world". In a lot of ways these congregations are places where people with multiple issues have a false sense of belonging and are accepted up to a point- while everyone waits for their problems to be fixed in paradise. If they do leave, it's going to be very, very difficult for them not just because they are coming out of a high control group, but because they have another set of challenges that play against them.

29

Anointed Delusions of Grandeur

by Kohanic in

so here is something i've been wondering about.

how do the 'anointed' come to the conclusion that they are chosen?

is it some weird collective delusion of grandeur and how is it manifested in such ones?.

mentalclarity

My grandfather was supposedly of the anointed. The way it was explained to me (and this was decades ago) was that the anointed didn't have an earthly hope- when they thought of their hope in their head, it was in heaven. The thought of being with their loved ones on the earth didn't appeal to them. As opposed to the rest of us who really wanted to be in paradise on earth. As other posters have mentioned this was highly subjective and could not be proven.

In the 90's the people who partook in my old congregation were all of questionable mental capacity so I don't know if anyone even really took them seriously.

13

aspects of shunning

by stan livedeath in

many members on here have been shunned.

we know whats its like--and the effect it has had on our lives.

but what about those of us who practiced shunning before--when we were members of the watchtower cult ?.

mentalclarity

When I was a kid I was kind of scared of df'd people....If someone said "that person is df'd" it was like they had done something really wrong and I was to avoid them. As I got older I just saw it kind of as penitence, and i didn't think twice about ignoring a df'd person. Now, of course, I think how sick and conditioned I was. I also never questioned the shunning policy (at all) until i was out. I never had family or close friends df'd so that would have been different maybe.

When I came back to being a witness after a short stint "outside" I remember a childhood friend of mine called me and wanted to meet to catch up. I knew he'd been df'd and I told him I couldn't. Fast forward a decade later and I found him on facebook and wrote to apologize to him about treating him that way. I felt (feel) awful about doing that. He didn't ever write back - that's his choice and I respect it.

8

Grandma's Guilty Conscience

by m3tadata in

for the holidays my girlfriend and i had planned to travel home and enjoy some time in our home area and visit with all our families.

she has several siblings and both our parents are divorced and living separately so it was a really busy time traveling around visiting each home.

my girlfriend was never a jw, but as for me i have been df'd for about 7 years now.

mentalclarity

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I know those things can be totally out of the blue sometimes and it's hard to process. A family member of mine also seemed to set a new boundary with me about communication and I was taken aback. I had no idea an article came out recently, but now everything makes more sense. Can someone please link the article being referenced?

There's always an initial shock and hurt when something like that happens, no matter how long you've been out or how accustomed you are to that treatment. I'm so happy to have this forum and other ex jw people that I can talk about it with because how do you even begin to explain to someone that your grandma or loved one has just told you they aren't talking to you anymore because you don't share their religious beliefs. Your own Grandmother...I mean, it's insane.

21

Birthdays are Evil - so they said

by EverApostate in

last week i celebrated my birthday.

accepted well wishes from people near and far.

had been happily accepting wishes from people since i quit the cult.. as a jw, (brainwashed ) belief that birthdays are evil was the stupidest belief i had in all my life.. when in, i had a hard time to explain to people that i don’t celebrate birthdays.

mentalclarity

As a born in I never celebrated my birthday and honestly I didn't think much about it. It's hard to miss something you didn't grow up with (this was the case for me). I was given the same reasons for not celebrating (the head chopping/early Christians didn't celebrate) and also the fact that we were the only religion that didn't celebrate now made me think how unique and separate from the other "bad" religions we were. It was a sign of a "true" christian. I never questioned this idea - I just went along with it not knowing any better.

I now know that birthdays are a time to celebrate life! One more year of life and the fact that we exist and our loved ones exist. I'm grateful to get to enjoy the presence of my friends and children and birthdays are a time to remember that. It's also a time to receive that recognition from others. You didn't have to "earn" it - you just have to be born. That's it. What's more unconditional than that?

And EverApostate - Happy belated birthday to you!

12

I'm coming back to the forum after 10 months, and new challenges...

by Mandrake in

i haven't been here for about 10 months and just looked over some topics to update myself, well i came back for a very particular reason... my family was, father, mother, sister and i... the split up (4 years ago), only my father remained jw, my sister left but lives with him, and i've been living by myselft over the last months sharing an apartment with my girlfriend (worldly) an his brother (worldly) (we are a "modern family" hahahaha).... so the relation with my father have been in many different phases the last 4 years, having in mind that he cheated my mom with her best friend (woman) within the congregation an married her just few months ago... so today it's my birthday and i called dad and told him that i had a great time anyway and that to be "even more pagan" i set up my christmas tree today.... he had never questioned me for dating and living with my current girfriend nor tried to "bring me back to the congregation", but he replied to me: "hey, talking about being a pagan, i'm not confortable with things now because i want us to como closer together again and do more things like having lunch or whathever and your are now df, can you talk to the elders and take back the letter you sent them da-ing so we can share more?".

i don't know what to do, i really mean what i wrote in my d.a.

letter, i needed to vent what i think of the borg now, i'm no way taking it back, those are like my luther's theses ... i can't believe my father divorced my mother on no biblical ground, continued dating her best jw friend, and 3 years later they got married and are a happy respectable "christian" couple... and now he suddendly is not confortable with me because i sent a letter to the elders telling them i no longer believed the same shit they do... my sister simply stopped attending meetings and dated worldly boys, celebrate xmas, birthdays and stuff, but with me is different just because i have a clearer idea of who i really am and i'm trying to live by that.. i thinks this whole thing is unfair, he is totally blackmailing me, it's been years to get to this friendly level with my father, and now he is adding this awful pressure.

mentalclarity

I would answer "Are you saying you would rather I go against what I believe and "pretend" to be a witness so you can have a relationship with me and be a hypocrite (because my feelings have not changed)?

I always tell my family they did too good of a job raising me to have integrity- that's why I won't be part of a religion I'm not convinced of, even if that means losing contact with some. In fact I could even claim religious persecution because of this. See how I twisted that around?