Posts by mentalclarity

80

Are we losing our way a bit at JWN?

by nicolaou in

firstly, i want to be crystal clear how grateful i am for jwn.

it's been my place of support for over seventeen years and it's the first online space i direct anyone to if they are taking steps out of the cult.

i am not bashing jwn - i love this place and appreciate the hard work and expense simon puts in to keep it going.

mentalclarity

I think part of it has to do that there are more people actively commenting on the political posts. Maybe we can think of a way to keep those separate and not show up in the latest/hottest topics because it tends to bury all the jw posts that not too many comment on.

Personally I don't mind the politics - they might interest me more than a post on scandals/doctrines/whatever JWs are doing now because I frankly I don't really care too much what JWs are doing now. But I've been out for almost a decade.

I think this site is important for all ex jws at different stages- those lurking/those who have just awoken/those of us who have been out a while. We can all share some of our experiences and let people know "hey, there is a light at the end of the tunnel...it's all going to be ok. and provide support to those that have been literally abandoned by everyone they know.

But we all have different interests and posts that grab our attention- again, maybe it's a question of not including the political posts in what's been commented on last. I guess that would be a whole change in the system on how topics are listed so I'm not even sure that can be done.

20

Celebrating a birthday for the 1st time

by Whynot in

after almost a year of thinking and eh feeling, not sure... i decided to throw a small birthday party for my son.

this feels so strange, i have never been to a birthday party.

my husband doesn't feel comfortable with it but he decided to play along lol.

mentalclarity

Don't worry. It gets better. I have become somewhat of an expert.

I find that with boys it works best to have an activity themed party. We've done rock climbing, laser tag, bowling, paint ball, roller skating. They invite a couple of friends (so it's not too pricey) and I bring a cake and buy pizza.

Most of my mommy friends do the same for their kids. It takes the pressure off having to organize an itinerary of activities to keep them entertained and lots of little boys running around your house can get a little crazy. Especially with a sugar high going on.

Enjoy it- takes pics and make memories for those kids that they can look back at and cherish. That's what birthdays are all about. It really is all about them that day.

56

Spiritual "Protection" - a Menace on Psychological Development

by Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho in

not quite a week ago, @lost in the fog created a thread entitled: do you have this illness?.

https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5187824140681216/do-you-have-this-illness.

in my year of being on this forum, i have browsed many a disillusioned thread of ex-jehovah’s witnesses expressing similar symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder when detailing their awakening - my own story included.

mentalclarity

Great post. I completely agree- especially as a born-in they set you up to this "learned helplessness" where you never develop your own decision making process and instead are dependent on literature for answers instead of reflecting on trial and error and the results of your own experiences.

I can honestly say that I had the emotional make up of a teen when I woke up at 30. It's taken me years to really start thinking and making decisions like an adult. My jw upbringing really stunted me in many ways.

12

Relative rates of mental illness

by Doug Mason in

a report produced 50 years ago by a psychiatrist at a west australian mental health facility ("asylum"l reported that the mental illness rate among jws was 3 times the norm of society.

other similar studies at the time concluded the rate was much higher.. i wrote to the psychiatrist at the time, asking whether the wts attracted people who were already susceptible to mental illness or if the situation was created after the person became a jw.

he responded that they did not know.. being myopically focused on the wts at the time, but more importantly belonging to an alternative eschatological apocalyptic body at the time, i did not think more broadly.. i think that today i would like to know:.

mentalclarity

I don't know any stats or research but I can say that when I started to wake up I realized that there were many, like myself, who suffered from depression. I don't know if they came into the religion depressed, but certainly getting the canned response to "pray and go out in service more" for every issue didn't help. Praying and going out in service didn't help my failing marriage or the fact that we always had financial issues due to shitty jobs because of lack of education or a myriad of other problems in my life. It can be incredibly frustrating and taxing on a person's mental health to be "waiting on Jah" for years instead of taking actual steps to remedy a situation.

I also feel that people feel a false sense of acceptance in the congregations when they first start studying that often attracts people with mental health issues who might feel rejected elsewhere.

13

Getting Married to a Non-JW

by LaurenM in

so i just got engaged to my boyfriend of over a year.

my jw parents still don't know about him.

i'm currently faded, so they know i'm not a practicing jw, but i am baptized.

mentalclarity

I married a non jw while inactive. I didn't get df'ed but my family did not attend because they were told they could lose their privileges if they did. My wedding wasn't in a church or anything btw. I think this is pretty much the position of the wtbs. One person in my family did attend but they had no privileges to lose so they really didn't care about the risk.

16

On this Fathers Day...

by babygirl30 in

jw
friends

i have never really spoken on social media about my jw family shunning me.

i didnt even discuss or answer any questions about why they didnt come to my wedding, my birthday parties, why there are never any pics of them with me/us together.

until today.... today i woke up and had this insane desire to be open.

mentalclarity

That was bold😀 this treatment is awful.

None of my family came to my wedding either. I know what it's like to try to explain why to incredulous inlaws who were too kind to delve further. I hope you feel better.

6

JW Convention Bingo

by Tallon in

came across this on exjw reddit and i cracked up laughing.. for those who are still required to attend the convention for one reason or another here is something that could liven up the day - jw convention bingo.

.

it would be hilarious if someone were to jump up and shout bingo!

mentalclarity

That's hilarious! I love the "Experience sounds totally made up." Brings back so many memories...

33

Jesus with an iPad. Really?

by punkofnice in

at a local meeting, one of the elders said that if jesus were on the earth today 'you can be sure' he would be preaching by showing videos on a tablet.. i kid you not.. i wonder what videos he'd be playing?.

obviously this was the elder's own pet theory.

wasn't it?.

mentalclarity

Why would this be surprising from a JW elder? I mean, weren't the bible students famous for those recordings they used at the door? Seems like a natural progression of things to me (at least from a jw standpoint)

15

Born ins: did you have "near life experiences"?

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

i recently watched the 90s movie fight club for the first time and heard the phrase "near life experience.".

for me, a different definition of this phrase would be someone who grew up in the truth and led a very secluded and restricted life (like me) but on rare occasions actually experienced something that was considered quite normal by most people.. growing up in "the troof" was depressing.

it was characterized by long periods of loneliness.

mentalclarity

My mom was a single mom so I had alot of time on my own and I was allowed as a child to play with "worldly" kids so I was the kid who was at the neighbor's house or outside the whole time until dark. I can think of a couple of great moments with these families- I got to decorate the xmas tree when I was 10 years old with my neighbors. Had absolutely no guilt about this. I remember thinking as a kid how there was nothing wrong with this.

I often went swimming at the Elks lodge with the kids (their dad would take us). I remember long hot summer days at the pool fondly.

It's these glimpses of how non JWs lived that stuck with me throughout life and I could never believe the whole "all worldly people are shooting up drugs, immoral, dishonest" narrative that JWs preached and I knew that even as a non jw I could lead a pretty decent and normal life.

24

Disfellowshiped- reinstated- damaged

by Damaged in

don’t know how i ended up here but no one who understands will listen, or any one who will listen doesn’t understand.

i grew up in the “truth”, i was baptised at 17 as it was encouraged by the elders.

i really didn’t understand what i was getting into.

mentalclarity

Hi Damaged and welcome! You're absolutely right to question people's "friendship" after being reinstated. It's all fake and based on announcement made off the stage. That's crazy, right? Except you have all these people taking it as law. It's not really based on repentance or if a person is doing good deeds- it's kind of the luck of the draw. So many people in the halls doing all kinds of stuff and nothing happening to them and people getting df'ed for posting something on facebook (this happened in a congregation I know of).

I always think the reason alot of people, including myself, left the organization is actually because we were too loving. My conscience just didn't allow me to continue to judge and treat people like shit arbitrarily relying on made up rules in a magazine. It just didn't make any sense to me. And now, as a parent, the whole df'ing method makes even less sense. I am so lucky that I left when I did because the treatment of my children when they make a mistake is such a far cry from how I was taught to do things. I love and accompany my kids when they are going through difficult times - even when they are suffering consequences of bad choices. I don't withhold my love or my presence- sometimes people just need to be heard and accompanied while they go through stuff-which is the exact opposite of DF'ing. It's no wonder it's so psychologically damaging.

Thanks for sharing your story and I just count my blessings I'm not involved with that crazy behavior towards people.