"only safe place is in the org/congregation" ...May God help you...you have jumped into the frying pan. That is a place of people who love the lie or they would have to get out! If you are befriended at all, it will be conditional. You don't have to worry about service. They just want you to declare you have talked to someone so the congregation will have to fork over x amount of $ per month for you being a witness. ( congregations have to pay the org so much per month per publisher in addition to other donations to world wide work. ) I am being real here. I get that you are feeling isolated and depressed and I am sympathetic to that, but your solution is not the right solution. Jesus said it's better to give than to receive. You would be better off finding a way to volunteer to help other people..( and spreading Lies from the JW isn't it ) that would get you out of your house so you wouldn't feel isolated. I was in for 50 years...the puppets are wicked because those pulling the strings are wicked. You should do some home work...look through the many threads on this forum of the harm that the org has done to people. Look at the ever changing doctrines ( because they were lies to start with and yet they blame it all on God calling it new light. You say you love righteousness and justice-then you are in the wrong place. Where is the righteousness and justice when people read something in the Bible and learn the WT has published lies? They can't question what was published or they are kicked out. Don't think so-read the many true examples on this forum. Watch the exjw youtube videos. Watcher wrote the point is to be loved by Jehovah...You don't have to be a JW for God to love you. It's not where you worship. It is how. Tell me about isolation-I am alone almost all the time. But I don't care to go back to the falsehood to have false friends who will throw me under the bus. been there, done that.
I fear for you because in time you will come to see I have written you the truth. I am forewarning you so that when that happens you won't feel even more depressed. You have to look to Jesus and not to the manmade organization of charlatons for peace of heart and mind. The Governing Body are frauds and yet they want obedience like they are the voice of Jesus. I wish you the best...