I just attended Friday at Columbia SC and I was listening closely to the talk that the OP mentioned regarding DFed ones and the word "discreetly."
It was on the afternoon symposium about 'Keeping the Kingdom First & things to put in second place.' (I didn't have a program so I don't have the exact name of the part.
The speaker definitely said "we don't associate with DFed relatives." He said it in a context of how some relatives might be disturbed by the fact that 'we don't associate with relatives who are DFed.'
A sentence or two later he mentioned that we should treat our non-witness relatives 'discreetly and with respect.'
So he used the word "discreetly," but not with regard to DFed relatives. It was in connection with "non-witness" relatives.