Quotes

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  4

  Fashion Disaster Bandit Is Foiled

  by Tammie in

  1. social
  2. current

  http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2000/06/29/national/main210843.shtml

  edmonton, alberta - a crudely disguised man wielding a samurai sword burst into a canadian jehovah's witness church and tried to rob 65 congregation members before he was foiled by one who used his cell phone to alert police, authorities said.

  police responded quickly and arrested the man after convincing him to drop the two-foot blade in the incident late tuesday at a northeast edmonton jehovah's witness kingdom hall, police spokesman dean parthenis said.

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  Quotes

  Can't wait for this one to be spin-doctored: "Yet another example of persecution against JWs in the time of the end".
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  11

  I was ripped off!

  by joannadandy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so the new semester has begun.

  that was sarcasm by the way.

  as some of you may or may not know, i am going to be a teacher(someday if i ever graduate).

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  Quotes

  joannadandy:

  1. You are brilliant
  2. You should call the prof on this obvious case of plagerism. Do it in a nice way, and have your original sheet or other proof handy, and respectfully demand that your name be given credit on the sheet. Tell him/her that you leanred about this in ETHICS class. Your brilliance is no excuse for plagiarism. You wouldn't accept if from your (future) students, you shouldn't accept it from your teachers either.
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  22

  My email encounter with a con artist

  by Quotes in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just thought i would share this series of communiques between myself and one budnik1 <[email protected]>.

  i received the following unsolicted email to my quotes email address, with budnik1 marked as the return address:we wonder if you would like to acquire a unique christian relic associated with the nativity and created by the apostles.in 50 ad.

  however, we have some other items in our collection (not mentioned in our first message) which may be of some use to you.

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  Quotes

  Just thought I would share this series of communiques between myself and one budnik1 <[email protected]>

  I received the following unsolicted email to my Quotes email address, with budnik1 marked as the return address:

  We wonder if you would like to acquire a unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles.in 50 AD. Sincerely, UTG-PRI LTD. Israel

  My response was:

  Yes, we are very interested. Would you consider a trade in kind from our extensive relic collection? We have many items which you may be interested in and perhaps we could work out a trade. Some of our prized possessions include:

  • a lock of Samson's hair
  • a fully refurbished and restored Noah's Ark
  • the Ark of the Covenant
  • the Holy Grail
  • Christ the Messiah (we keep him cloistered in secret location in Brooklyn)

  Please let us know if any of these items could be considered for a trade for your relic.

  budnik1 responded with:

  Yes, we are very interested to trade for a) Jehovah in your closet, b) a skeleton of Jehovah Witness pippin through the closet's wall, co) Maria's womb, do) Jesus circumucized genitalia, e) Jehovah's uncircumcised genitalia, f) Jesus' fishes. g) water under Jesus feet h) Star of Bethlehem Halleluiah!

  I replied with:

  You seem to have us at a bit of a disadvantage, as we do not have those items in our collection. However, we have some other items in our collection (not mentioned in our first message) which may be of some use to you. Again, if you are interested, please let us know the details of the relic you have and we can consider a trade "in kind" for one of the following:

  • a "Sense of Humour" (which is not sick and demented) Note that a sense of sarcasm (if present) will not be changed by this item, but it will permit the ability to think creatively when attempting to make witty statements, instead of simply "doing the same as the last guy".
  • a "Sense of Conscience" (which will prevent you from attempting to scam people with crap by making the untrue and impossible claim you have a "Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles.in 50 AD" Note that this will end a career as a "con-artist".
  • Forwarding your address to the Hezbollah (so that you will be part of their special, exclusive "hit list")

  By the way, what the hell does "PIPPIN" mean?

  budnik1's curt response was:

  GO TO HELL!

  Which of course greatly concerned me, so I replied with:

  Ah, but receiving email from an articulate and intelligent person like yourself, I feel I am already in Hell, or "Hades" as it is known in the "Old Testament". I am growing concerned that there might be some acrimony from you regarding our fast approaching business transaction. Perhaps I have misinterpreted your last email. Was it a clue as to the nature of your "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles" which you are selling? OK, I am always interested in games, let me attempt to guess. Your relic is.... hhhhmmmmm.... let me think.... I know: you have an ancient example of the GOOHF card (as see at http://www.goohf.com/). Oh, joy is you! Imagine being in possession of a GOOHF card that was actually created by the Apostles! This must be the best relic ever known to man! An item if this magnitude and importance is priceless. We will make whatever arrangements necessary, even liquidating our already extensive relic collection, to acquire an original GOOHF card with Apostolic endorsement. Please, PLEASE! Let use know how much you are asking for this item.

  To which budnik1 came back with:

  CONGRATULATIONS!

  We have just received new items to satisfy your religious meets: Virgin Mary's virginity, Her dietary "My Experience while receiving Jesus front a holy source, Jesus umbilical cord, His personal condom (sorry, it is second hand), Jesus personal invitation to the Apostles to Last Supper, Bred from the Last Supper, Jesus Last Gasp, Jesus' nails, Photo of Jesus resurrection, Jesus personal mobile phone with direct number in Heaven.

  So I responded with:

  Excellent, we can already see your attempts at satire and sarcasm are improving! Keep them coming! (You might want to work on spelling) If you are attempting to offend us, you will have to try harder, since we are atheist and dedicated to the dismantling of the JW religion. We are not JWs, but an opposition group. But you already knew that, before you sent your first scam solicitation email, didn't you Einstein? Why don't you at least give me the details of this supposed "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles"? We are dying to know what kind of scam you are running, as we are always in the market for running a few scams ourselves.

  Apparently unumpressed, budnik1 sent me the following:

  We do not know and do not care what you are a Witness of or in which religious scams you are involved as gentiles and scam of the earth using a former Jew Joshua as your God.

  Hurt by budnik1's lack of interest in my work, I sent:

  Again we awaiting for you to send us information about your "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles" which you mentioned in your first email. So far we have not got around to the business at hand. However, we are concerned that your most recent message could be counter-productive to our future business relationship, but would like to "clear the air". Please tell us more about UTG-PRI LTD. ( Israel). Are you in the business of only dealing with "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles"? Do you also have other relics, associated with other so called "religions" besides "Christian" (for example Muslim, Buddhism, Taoism, and Judaism)? Also, please clarify the following points to help us understand your most recent email, as it did not make sense (I realize that English might be you second language and applaud your attempts nonetheless):

  • What is a "gentile" and who are they? Why do you think we are "gentiles" (you don't even know us)
  • What, precisely, is the "scam of the earth"? Is it a con game involving bogus garden top-soil?
  • Who is Joshua, and why isn't he a Jew anymore ("former Jew Joshua")
  • We don't believe in God, so it is impossible for "former Jew Joshua" to be our God. But can you tell us please what group says that this "Joshua" is their God? We have never heard this before, and it is pretty funny so we would like to learn more.

  We look forward to your ongoing highly intellectual discussion with you. Judging from the detail and clever elucidation in your email, you are obviously a highly intelligent and balanced person with an excellent world view and perspective, which no doubt helps you as a collector of relics and other fine antiquities.

  Sensing an opportunity to look like a big shot, budnik1 fired back with:

  Thank you so much for the opportunity to express myself in my fifth language, albeit I did not steel that language from the English as so-called Americans, illegal immigrants and mass murderers of native Indians did. If you claim to know your first language, you should know (or consult a dictionary) that gentiles are those who are not Jews and involved in a grand scale scam around a dead Jew, Joshua (Jesus in Greek and in your first language), people who in a world scam monopolised Joshua's name, built churches (Joshua never did as a Jewish rabbi) to collect money under the name of Jesus, albeit not being authorized by him to do so (violation of his copyrights and anti-trust law), brainwashed believers and forced people to believe through the Inquisition, wars and destruction and by cutting limbs of the natives and indigenous people to force them into Christianity. Gentiles are also people naming themselves popes and cardinals to molest children, invent saints, incite to continuous murders by absolving murderers' for their bllody money (bribes), etc.
  
  As to doing business with you, with do not deal with people from the street, and since you have called our offer a scam and still want to participate in this scam, you are guilty of soliciting and participating in a criminal offence in men's rea, if you know that legal term in Latin, which is not your second language for sure.

  Perplexed, I sent the following:

  At last, a response from you, my friend. I was concerned that you would not respond. As I mentioned in my prior message, I applaud your use of a language which is not your mother tongue. As I only know three languages (and am truly only fully conversant in two) I am fully impressed at your ability to learn five. Having said that, please note that logical, coherent development, and the ability to form meaningful sentences, combined with the ability to group those sentences into paragraphs, is something that is common to most modern languages in their written form. Your weakness in this ability obviously has nothing to do with your knowledge of any particular language. My apologies if you incorrectly thought my accolades were somehow derogatory on your use of the English language. You obviously have some animosity toward Americans. Rest assured that NO ONE here at Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com is American and also be assured that our offices are not located in the USA or any of it's territories. Having said that, we certainly do not have the same level of animosity you apparently have, based on your comments "illegal immigrants and mass murderers of native Indians did [sic]". Thank you for clarifying your definition of Gentile. Although we were already aware of a Gentile as being the term people of the Jewish faith use to refer to non-Jews, your definition is interesting and says a great deal about you personally and your beliefs. That is why we asked for your definition. Note however that "Gentile" does not automatically mean "Christian" (which is implied by your definition), but rather (according to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary: "a person of a non-Jewish nation or of non-Jewish faith". There are thousands of religions besides Judaism and Christianity, and you seem to be suffering from the logical fallacy known as "false choice". As for "Christianity" being a "scam" we couldn't agree with you more. Christianity is truly the biggest scam the world has ever seen. You yourself have called it a scam. And yet you yourself claim to have a "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles". So which is it? Is Christianity a scam, or do you actually believe in it and have a relic supporting your pro-Christian belief? As for soliciting a fraud, that is only possible if the purchaser ( [email protected] in this example) were deceptively misled into thinking an item was something of value when in fact it was not. Since you, and we, agree that "Christianity" is a scam, and therefore any relics associated with it must also be a scam, we are in agreement that what you have is not, and could not truly be, "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles". Therefore there is no mens rea or "criminal intent" on either of our parts at this point in the transaction. However, since you now admit that Christianity, and by extension, your relic, are both scams, your first email clearly did demonstrate mens rea. Your knowledge of legal terms in commendable, but your incorrect application of them is a cause for concern. We suggest you obtain legal advice in any matters involving the law. So now, back to the business at hand, the transaction for the (now known to be bogus) "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles." You said you "do not deal with people from the street" and yet it was you who approached us. If you can not do business with us, why did you contact us and solicit our interest in the "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles"? So please tell us what you have and what you are asking for it. Tell us more about UTG-PRI LTD. and explain your terms of payment and delivery options.

  So, if you are in the market for a "unique Christian relic associated with the Nativity and created by the Apostles" or would simply like to trade email with an individual that makes my passive hobby of "pushing people's buttons" much easier than it should be, give old budnik1 <[email protected]> an email. He is not a very good business man, but he has the sickest sense of humour I've ever seen... Jesus used condom, indeed! I am sick, but even I have my limits!
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  4

  Aussie JW urban legend #48...

  by TheApostleAK in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  anyone heard this one??

  the old couple that was killed by martin bryant at the end of the port arthur massacre were a return visit (or were studying with the jw's) and that 2 jw's were walking on their way to visit them (get this...) they stopped for 5 minutes to witness to a man (supposedly this was setup by angels) or they had a doorstep study for 30 minutes and they were late (this story changes depending on who you ask...) anyway, they arrived later than they should of, only to find that martin bryant had killed the old couple and had burnt down their house and the police had arrested martin.

  the story goes that had they arrived any earlier they would of been killed by martin bryant.

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  Quotes

  Never heard that one, although Aussie Urban Legends don't make it this far north!

  In light of recent events, if someone relates that story, you can ask why those protecive angels weren't helping out in the Phillipines, where the two JWs were beheaded.
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  7

  District Assemblies and Coventions

  by FiveShadows in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it just occured to me...lets say it takes the society 1 million dollars to print the awake...twice as much for the watchtower ...on top of which they have new bibles 500k brochures another two million or so...pamplet 200k ...new books at coventions 2 million again (this is just estimating not actuality..i don't know the real numbers) ...insight books...another 200k ...revelation books ...so forth so forth..lets say their total number of sales in one year alone is 7 million dollars... not to mention the people living in bethal and going on missionary trips all over the world ...plane tickets... co's expenses...do's expeses...new cars given to the co's and district overseer's.

  feeding everyone at bethal...(not just in brooklyn but alllllllllllllll over the world) ny has 3 places ...that's just one country...not to mention the other 266 countries that repeat all these things.

  did it ever occur to anyone that they might have all these assemblies and coventions sole reason not because they wanted to "feed" the sheep..but to make money from donations so they can sustain their life style of never really having to work?

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  Quotes

  Yes, it did occur to me.

  Also, Assemblies are just like "Sales Conventions" familiar to many industries. They provide a chance to:

  • bond with co-salespeople
  • learn abou the latest and greatest product to be released by the corporation
  • refresh/renew tried and true tips&tricks

  There are other points to annual sales meetings I can't think of right now, but you get the picture!
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  11

  Did you get anyone into the Borg?

  by FiveShadows in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am fortunate enough to say "no.

  " i tried very hard to get people to come to meetings and assemblies...and during it all i was bored out of my mind and had a voice in my heart keep saying "what if what you think is the 'truth' is not really the "truth" and you stand before the throne to be judged?

  would these people take your place and die for you because you believed in them and not jah?

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  No, I never got anyone in!

  Like jjrizo, I have heard that my website has helped some to get out. "And that's a good thing"
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  15

  NEW LIGHT!!!!!!!!!

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  we heard new light this evening.

  a local needs talk was given about how anyone that knows someone might be dating a non- witness and doesn't report it to the elders is actually hindering the free flow of jehovah's holy spirit.

  yes, if the "sin" goes unreported, the whole congregation will be affected, just as in the case of achan and his family!

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  Quotes

  is actually hindering the free flow of Jehovah's holy spirit

  My, my, my. It sure doesn't take much to hinder the flow of that magical elixer, "holy spirit" now, does it!
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  17

  Shunned Father's daughter dies

  by Joyzabel in

  1. social
  2. current

  thursday, september 5, 2002 .

  jehovah's witness teen dies.

  by carol harrington -- the canadian press.

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  Quotes

  I agree with Reborn's sentiments. Mr Hughes, my most sincere condolences for you. You took a stand in favour of medical treatment, at the expense of misguided religious fundamentalism. Religious issues aside, I think everyone, on both sides of the fence, wanted your daughter to enjoy a full recovery. I can not begin to imagine your loss and pain at this time.

  I hope that this story does not become twisted into another "anti-blood" example, i.e. "If she had not been given blood, she would be alive today."

  I was struck by this part of the CP story:

  Many bioethicists say this case is similar to that of Tyrell Dueck, a 13-year-old Saskatoon boy whose Christian fundamentalist family battled in 1999 with doctors and Social Services over whether the boy was capable of deciding his own medical treatment for cancer.
  
  Dueck and his family opted for prayers, herbal remedies and alternative treatments at a Mexican clinic, rather than undergoing the recommended conventional treatment. He died after the cancer spread to his lungs.
  
  In the Hughes and Dueck cases, judges ruled that the teen's parents and religious upbringing skewed their ability to make reasonable, sound medical decisions.
  
  And in both cases, the provincial governments dropped custody of the teens when the cancer returned and doctors said death was imminent.

  The amazing thing is: JWs would see this case as a ridiculous, misguided attempt based on bizarre scriptural interpretation and fallacious logic. And they would be correct. But as the saying goes, "remove the log from your own eye, that you may seen clearly to help your brother remove the splinter from his eye.
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  8

  Foot In The Door

  by Larry in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  anybody remember the dubs who put their foot in the doors of householders as they were closing the it?.

  peace - ll

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  Quotes

  LOL at Stephanus!

  I never did that, but we did (and were taught to) open the screen door widely and hold it open while knocking on the main door. I always felt like that was entering their home by 50%.
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  26

  BrotherX reveals Purpose of Door-to-Door Ministry

  by Derrick in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  let's call him "brotherx" - an elder who either has heard from the circuit overseer "by word of mouth" or has come to the conclusion himself about why jehovah's witnesses are determined to reach every person on the planet with .

  "the message of hope.

  " i'll try to paraphrase some of his comments.. brotherx explained to me and others in the congregation that we "work our territories to essentially decide who lives and dies at armageddon.

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  Quotes

  I have heard this reasoning before, and I'll bet there is a Quote somewhere to support it (any help, people?)

  Imagine: your average JW preparing his/her little door-to-door magazine offer, knowing that those 20 seconds will mean the difference between life and death to the householder(TM). Talk about your performance anxiety!