Posts by Xandria

36

Another JW suicide

by Mulan in

i have just learned that there was another jw suicide in western washington (south king county) last weekend.

the man was a young adult, in good standing, married and doing well financially.

i can't reveal more, and this one didn't hit the news either.

Suicide of a loved one is more painful than can be imagined. It is a traumatic and jarring experience that leads to emotional as well as physical and spiritual wrenching pain. It challenges our resiliency and our place in this world. Survivors may experience a variety of feelings such as detachment and estrangement from others, depression, anger, guilt, and questioning that may never be resolved.

As a survivor of losing a family member to sucide and having a few friends who decided to leave this world in that manner. I know the difficulties and sadness something like this brings. An at times it is very hard to make a positive out come .. come of it.

Look at the past ...when I was being raised up in the dub religion. I can see where a child, teen or adult would have feelings of severe sadness, depression and impulses of sucide (just to name a few of the disorders).

The whole atmosphere in the "Society" is very oppressive and the pressures they place on a human being is incredible. Many people feel they have to put on this mask and not be who they are.. or worse they have not sense of who they are by the masks they put on. They don't know who really they are anymore.. having lost their identity in the JW religion. You are not suppost to be "special" or count. Also when there is no one you can TRUST to keep your confidences, to help you and not kick you when you are down and struggling with your issues. You tend to keep more bottled up until it overwhelms you. AN that is no way to live. It is much more harder to live and conquer these issue than die. Death it is final... but the problem still remains un-resolved. An basically what ever had you to this point won. Because it was allowed to overwhelm you and take over your life.

JW's are so absorbed in their lives, how they present themselves as a family unit.. they don't want to see the serious issues.. they believe if ignored it will be handled by itself. IGNORE it and JEHOVAH will handle it. Jehovah helps those who not only helps themselves .. but we as brothers and sisters should be helping each other. NOT waiting in the shadows to destroy that person for our own self esteem and self worth. That is what happens w/ the eldership.. some low self esteemed person thinks he /she is going to make brownie points by gossiping or turning in the person who really needs help..to be shunned, mentally raped, inquisitioned and tortured emotionally. Until that person doesn't know his or her way out or up.

An that is not what should be allowed. If you ever have someone who is reaching out .. lend a hand or ear. Just listening can be a major help. Help that person get a good counselor. Watch for signs. Some people show withdrawal, anger and have made attempts before. But remember if that person still decides to kill him or herself even after you attempt to get him or her help. Then know that you tried your best.... believe me it will grieve you and you may blame yourself asking what more could you have done. But you did what you could and tried to get professional help for that person. It was their choice to reject it and continue on the path to thier death. Even though though these are extreme cases. There are still are people out there who could use a gentle friend to help them regain thier self, and come out of the dark place they find themselves in. Never give up hope. An don't be afraid to ask for HELP.

Xandria

Austin SOS is sponsored by:
Hotline to Help
512-472-4357
Austin's 24-hour Crisis & Information Hotline
Austin-Travis County Mental Health Mental Retardation
http://www.atcmhmr.com
P.O. Box 3548
Austin, TX 78764-3548
Administration: 512-703-1300

http://www.save.org

57

JW Rules That Are Just "Too Much"!

by Ephanyminitas in

i'm curious: what rules have you dealt with that were just "too much" -- whether they were "official" (i.e.

in print) or not?.

i think a good, general one is r-rated movies.

Xandria

Hummm...

I remember my mom freaking out over my (non JW) dad allowing me to watch GODZILLA movies as a child. She said that Godzilla was a dragon thus SATAN. Dad would make me laugh w/ those movie. He would start talking like the Japanese Men.. w/ the mouth moving.

No Smurfs, No HE~man or SHE~Ra cartoons, no slumber parties w/ wordly kids, no dances, no b/f's, * unless of course it was to go to a chaperoned skate party w/ dub's only. etc, etc the list goes on and on...

She would allow me to listen to the radio though. An I remember turning on low when Dr.Ruth came on... until I got caught. Hey it was the first time I heard the word vibrator. An found out what it was... :O

So I was very confused on what was acceptable and what was not.

11

JW RAPE

by crawdad2 in

the 16 yr old girl get's raped by a 26 yr old ministerial servant,.

so she goes to the elders about it.. the elders arrange a judicial committe meeting and listen to both sides of the story......... then they go to a room for five minutes and come back, and tell her that they are going to privately reprove both of them.........."furious", she asks what she is being reproved for, and they say "fornication".. they remind both of them to not gossip about it or tell anyone.. because it will bring reproach on jehovahs organization.. the girl, then goes to other elders, and appeals the elders decision, and complains that she got raped!!!

!.....she gets another committe meeting,,,,,they quickly come to the same decision and warn her to keep quiet,,,,,,,she goes to other elders.....they promise to help her...they believe her, ...days go by.........months go by...........she is in a meeting when they announce that brother rapist has been given a part on the assembly.........everyone claps........she goes back to the elders asking them how it is that he just got a part on the assembly, when he just raped her............they start reminding her to be submissive to the lead or they will take action,.....she can't keep quiet........they anounce that she has been reproved.........she starts speaking out against the whole body of elders,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,bingo, she is disfellowshipped for apostacy, and there is no value to her claims at all,,,,,,,,she was just an apostate fornicater, trying to smear a nice brother.....

Xandria

To me this organization has allowed this "cancer" of sexual misconduct to continue. For them to silence the woman/ victim is saying to the preditor ... gooo ahead dear "brother/sister" go victimize some other un-suspecting innocent. Instead of rewarding the preditor and re-victimizing the victim, they need to take action.

But that is not going to happen. UNLESS... we make them accountable for their decisions and actions. They are not God and by them protecting these people they are telling us that they don't care and they are not following God's word.

There should be victims rights. PERIOD. An one of those rights should be not to be re-victimized.

As for compassion: Zechariah 7:9 speaks about being compassionate and execute true judgement and mercy and kindness to every man ( and woman and child) . 7:10 they use to tell us not to speak evil, but then they need to read the other verses too and realize that it also speaks and applys to them too. Because of their heavy and dull ears they are allowing these evils to exhist and continue. In no way should they allow someone who inflicts these crimes on to someone be in a leadership position. These individuals have issues that they need to recieve definate counseling on.

It also says in 1 Peter 2: 13 : Be submissive to every human institution and authority for the sake of the Lord, whether it be to the empeor as supreme, Or to governers as sent by him to bring vengence ( punishment, justice) to those who do wrong and encourage those who do good service.

An I say to you all .. ask yourself why ? What does the Eldership have to lose ? What are they protecting by this "code of silence" ? An do they think that they will not be accountable for thier actions and decisions ? Then let me know what you come up with.

Also when the bible states that we are the "weaker vessel" it means physically. Not Morally or mentally or by any means unable to handle our own issues. To think of us as such ;demeans us as well as what God means.

We may be under submission to our "husbands" but our husbands are also to submit to us too. Wife doesn't equate =SLAVE. If it is a partnership it has to have trust, commmunication and so forth.

An as Dennis Miller Says, " That is my story and I am sticking to it. "

Edited by - xandria on 27 June 2002 23:36:50

10

Confusion / A Thorny Thought

by Xandria in

a thorny thought.

growing up in the jw religion (if you can call it that) was soo confusing.

the terror tactics have left scars on my sisters, brother and myself.

Xandria

Growing up in the JW religion (if you can call it that) was soo confusing. The terror tactics have left scars on my sisters, brother and myself. The abuse we suffered also left indelable images and memories. I have trust issues .. as I see many here have. The paranoid theme is rapant on many of these postings.. AFRAID that the Elders, Society and so forth is going to scout them out and destroy them. Which sadly in many cases if you are found out they punish.

This is not a way to live. Living in fear is not living at all.

How many here have mis~truths they believed as GOSPEL fact only to find out they were not fully true ?

Laugh or not when I was little I strongly believed that the NEW EARTH was to be on the moon. ( go ahead and snicker)

My sisters were scared to death of Jehovah and his terrible wrath. They saw the abuse and beatings I took and still wonder to this day why I am not on Prozac or worse in a mental hospital. I have physical scars as well as mental scars.

How many people here live in fear of losing family, friends because they don't believe the same as someone else ?

My Aunt who still is a dub.. lost a son to a fire.. for years she shunned him and now she will never have that time back. But then she is comforted that in the New World they will see these people again. But isn't it CLEAR in the bible that you are to love your neighbor.. to love your enemies, and so on ?

There are contridictions in this. How can you love one person and hate another ?

An if Jehovah is the one who takes vengence and judges.. then why does the Elders take it upon themselves to be .. the imperfect vessels of his judgement. If they are imperfect they have no place speaking for Jehovah.

Any way.. yes yes .. I know I am an APOSTATE for asking these questions. But if we are to have a "relationship" with our heavenly father and know him .. then why can't we ask these questions so we can know him for our selves instead of being spoon fed on what someone wants you to know of him ? Hummmm is it because they are afraid if we knew him for ourselves that we would not need them any more to speak for him ?

.o0( inquiring minds wanna know.)

"Oh what a tangle web we weave when we practice to decieve". William Shakespeare

Xandria

ps: the eye in my profile represents the way everyone watches you in the KH and Society. Looking for anything and everything to judge you upon.

The above is how I have been ..walking in reflextion.

15

JW'S AND GOSSIP...MY GOD!

by airwlk149 in

geez- does gossip spread in j dub land.

last night when i got home there was a message from a jw friend asking me to call her.

well, i did and she had heard that i had moved in with a "worldly" person and asked me how i was, etc... i asked her where she had heard that and she told me so&so told her.

Xandria

Sort of reminds you of telephone.... hum.

17

Disfellowshipping Child Abusers

by TheMatrix in

i have a question on the issue of child abusers within the organization.. i know that it should be reported to the authorities as it is a crime against human laws, but it is also a sin against jehovah so it must handled theocratically also.. my question is: should a child abuser be disfellowshipped from the christian congregation?

Xandria

If they d/f child abusers ... then they would lose half of the congregation. Then who would go door to door, pioneer and so on ??? The bottom line most dubs don't want to look at themselves as abusers. They don't want to take those blinders off.. b/c the truth is more painful than fiction.

"Oh what a tangle web we weave, when we practice to decieve." Willie Shakespear

61

Were you a virgin on your wedding night?

by montag in

if you were a good little 'raised in the truth' jw then the answer should be 'yes'.. so let's here from you.. [stands up] my name is montag and i was a 22 year old virgin on my wedding night.. .

-m-

Xandria

Yes, I was a virgin on my wedding night.. I was not allowed to date. An my mom would give the look of death to any BOY or MAN who came any where within the perimiter. Then I had 2 sisters who where like the chaperone patrol. Lord knows my poor teenage body was ravished by naughty thoughts .. but no outlet.

Then I got Married at 19 .. and my husband had to explain things b/c my mom made it sound so dirty but w/ out getting into how it was ACTUALLY DONE! So I was a bride w/ out a CLUE.

Until he explained to me. Then I was " You want to do WHAT WHERE ! OMMGGGG!" he had to stop me from bolting from the room. It was a tramatic experience... but after wards it was fodder for a good laugh. The funny thing is I understood what oral sex was. But my dub mind could not fathom sex. Now that is screwed up.

Xan

8

Homeless JW's

by Trixie in

did anyoe else have homeless people in their congregations?

cal, and come from a middle class neighborhood.

it's not like you would find homeless people hangin' around our kh.

Xandria

My step father .. took us out of a apartment setting and placed us in first a tent,, then a tent trailer.. we had lost the apartment due to his stupid pride and not paying a 20 dollar late charge. So off we went a 13 year old (me at the time), a 7 year old, a 6 year old and a 6 month old baby. An of course mom was going to be a good obedient JW wife. (even though she smoked). Of couse good ol step dad ( I will call him Jack) made it sound like this wonderful adventure.. and we were going to be like those old time pioneers in the AWAKE. Yada yada yada

So off went all the stuff we had into storage.. we had to travel light. The first night we struggled in the rain in the dark putting up the tent. Things went progressively worse from there. We had to cook on a campfire.. that in itself is a accomplishment. Unless you enjoy eating charcoal. The vexing part is that we did not have to be there. Jack made plenty of money working at nights as an exterminator. We could afford to rent shelter if need be. But oooh no.

We would have to switch campgrounds every two weeks b/c of a policy the grounds had. So for about 1-2 years we would go from Featherly Park, to Pradado, to San Clemente, to Chino Hills. Also durning that time we were home schooled (what a joke). Then we finally ended up in Lake Hemet. .. Jack finally lost his job b/c of all the travel the wear and tear on the truck they gave him to use was getting costly. An he refused to move in closer to his work area.

So we were stuck... and the park had to close for winter. Finally we got a move from a person to Idywild. Where we stayed in the tent trailer until CPS came. Then someone let us stay w/ them for a while b/c if we did not have us kids in a structured building... and not the tent trailer.. (which was like living in swiss cheese w/ a fiber glass roof and bottom. An holey canvas sided covered in tarps. ) They would of taken all of us out of the custody of my mom and step dad. Well we stayed there for a few weeks. Then something happened between my mom and the lady who was nice enough to allow us to stay there. So once again we were out in the cold snow.

I guess I had a break down.... or something. An I was only 14 going on 15. We were attending the KH in Idywild. An one of my friends I just made saw me in tears. She asked me what was going on and I told her. She worked out a place for us to stay for a little while.But the people left their place so we could stay there. They could not associate w/ my mother b/c she was smoking at the time. They had admonished her about it..and gave her a time to period to quit. Well finally...Jack got off his ass. He called his sister up north and asked for help. An she loaned him some money. An we got into a Motel. But we had been homeless for a long time. An even though we got "stable" he kept us at a poverty level. Not once did the Elders speak to him about being a better provider , nor did they help. The abuse was terrible.. from him mental, emotional abuse, from mom physical. An any little thing would set it off.

My mom was loosing her teeth b/c she breast fed my sisters until they were 5 and now my little brother... at the time was still breast feeding. An we were not eating right. My mom was a old lady by the time she was 39. She could throw her breast over her shoulder to wash under them... and not b/c she wanted to either. The strain was too much ... my mom was d/f in 1988 in 1989 my step father threw me out of the "house". An my real father stepped in and helped me. By 1994 my mom died of Cancer. An Jack thinks he is going to be reunited w/ her in the New World..in Paradise.

So there are Homeless JW's out there. Hope that answers your question.

43

How to reason with a rapist.

by flower in

(title modified per request).

and to think, i thought i was valuing my precious gift of life so much that i was willing to sumbit to a violent crime in order stay alive.

how twisted my thinking.

Xandria

If the Eldership thinks women want this type of behavior by not screaming and /or invites it by the way they do or don't dress have a definate screw loose!

I wonder if the ruling would be the same if they were the once in danger of violently taking it up the windward channel ?

,o( Inquiring minds wanna know)

Xandria

56

BEATING KIDS IN THE WASHROOM

by Rags in

i am 36 yr old female originally from toronto ontario canada.

was raised jw till i was about 14. has anyone else had this happen in their hall?

the mom's (thank god never mine!

Xandria

....> my artwork.

Yep, I remember the KH meetings... either you be quite or you got dragged out and beating bad. What I remember most is the way her face would screw up into this horrible mask. An eyes would be hard as flint as she dealt out the punishment. Have you ever heard this threat..

" IF you don't stop crying I will really give you something to REALLY cry about!" Like the beating she gave you was not enough.

I think it was mostly anger from the parents. We embarrassed them and their "image" as a good dub. Tarnish everthing else but No ONE messes with the DOO. Oh yea and you better have your answer right when answering questions at the KH. Or they will publicly rip you apart. Like you were the most stupid of all the Simpletons.

Edited by - xandria on 27 June 2002 3:19:13

Edited by - xandria on 27 June 2002 15:46:7