Posts by razorMind

Well this what is known as a double message. On one hand they're telling you, literally, they can't ever talk to you again, and then on the other they are "here for you". I'm sorry, but that's crazy.

Totally, totally agree with this. My parents try the same tack, but with their actions.

I rarely get a phone call, even though they live less than an hour away; I never EVER get a visit even though their convention is right in the same city......like Gopher, I never told them about my marriage and they were the ABSOLUTE LAST to hear about my pregnancy.

But on the rare occasion that I do visit them, there's always a comment about "don't stay away so long next time" or "your mother gets really hurt when you don't call or write or visit." What kills me is that my dad actually had the nerve to ask my disfellowshipped sister "why she never came around much anymore."

What I find myself doing is gradually distancing myself, a little at a time. It's hard but sometimes it just has to be done. Don't reach out to accept the extremely conditional "love" they're offering. I agree with Big Tex. Yes indeed--we here know EXACTLY where you're coming from.

{{{hugs}}}}} and {{{good luck to you}}}

11

"Kingdom Melodies"

by ignorance is strength in

why exactly are they so bad?

are they afraid that a true orchestral and choral piece will glorify god too much?

btw, can you think of any other songs that kingdom melodies sound like?

razorMind

They need to add a little bass, a horn section, electric guitar and a keyboard

. Yes, and they could also put a brother on one of those machines where you hold the tube in your mouth (a la' "Computer Love" by Roger)

He could lead each song while the congregation joins in.....can you just imagine "Be Glad, You Nations!" being sung like that?

heheheheheh....I'm sorry...the mental/audial image is just TOO funny.....

55

haunted houses

by free will in

jw
friends

so, that spooky season is almost upon us again.

how many of you, will go on haunted house tours or delve into anything spiritistic?

i mean we don't want the demons to attach to us, do we?!

razorMind

Speaking of haunted houses, there's a house near my old homeplace that never stays occupied for more than 6 months.

I've passed by the house about a trillion times, seen it occupied some- times, empty most times. It's a nice one-story brick house--not far off from the highway with a nice yard and gravel path. Completely unassuming cute house.

My dad swears that in all his living memory, no renter has remained in the house for more than 6-8 months. Never an entire year. When curiosity made him ask a family friend (who lived down the road), the family friend got extremely uncomfortable and said that people "kept seeing strange things, like snakes and stuff" in the house--most renters packed up their stuff, got the hell out of dodge, and wouldn't even finish out the lease. He was uncomfortable discussing it, so my dad just dropped the subject.

Last time I went home, the house was empty (again). I'm dying to know more about the house's history, but I don't go home much.....

wooooooooooooooo.....woooooooooooo........

23

(Warning, rant enclosed) I feel like my brain is turning to mush.....

by razorMind in

jw
friends

i'm sick of my job, sick of the city i'm living in, sick of most of the people who surround me daily.

like a lot of folks here, i was "encouraged to find education within jah's service" discouraged from seeking further education whilst being raised in the troof.

were it up to my father, i probably wouldn't have been permitted to attend regular public school, grades k through 12, much less college---education was that much maligned in my family.

razorMind

I'm going to carefully print out every post here, and paste them into a journal (thanks to whoever suggested journaling thoughts!) So I can read them whenever I feel the need to.

I read the accounts here as well as on TV and in the paper, about people who overcome incredible obstacles and get degrees, etc. Gambit, I've felt that very same trepidation just going into the college store to get a class catalog and seeing all these babies swarming around--all looking like they know exactly where to go and what to do. "Credit hours" and college lingo (just what the hell IS a credit hour? Why does that stuff have to be SO confusing?)

As much as I dislike my department, I know I'll never again get the opportunity to attend a university (VCU, btw) like this. Really, it's the only reason I decided to return to this job. I mean, for the exact same position I quit to be there vacant and available after a 6-month absence---sometimes I think God was trying to tell me something.

In spite of the boredom and idiotic drama that goes on, it's definitely tolerable (hopefully for the next few years) Some days I have to repeat the mantra: "I'm only here for school...I'm only here for school.."

I know it's time to stop talking and make some decisions.These are some of the most inspiring words I've read. I'll be taking these posts to work with me, in my journal. You folks are incredible. I'm speechless.....

8

Styrofoam Personalities at the Kingdom Hall

by Nosferatu in

jw
friends

i think it's absolutely amazing how people strip off the old personality, and put on the new personality when they enter the kingdom hall.

everyone looks incredibly phony.

those smiles aren't genuine.

razorMind

Most of the folks at my old congregation just look dead-tired; everybody just looks worn-down and beat-down. Everybody gets older and older but still wears the exact same meeting clothes, same hairstyles, same bookbags. It's very weird.

Some do, however, plaster on the ol' "I'm Oh-So-Spiritual" facade. My mother (who's a nervous wreck) is especially good at that, though the plaster cracks more and more with passing time, with desperation and hysteria taking its place.

That being the case, many witnesses will call another witness a friend, but really, the only time they see each other is at the hall.

I agree with this. My congregation was one of the more staid ones--not much outside socializing at all.

I don't see how people do it. I just can't be fake.

38

The brain-washing works! A letter from a dub friend.

by BLISSISIGNORANCE in

jw
friends

this was sent to me when i stopped attending meetings after the "sunday' show went to air in australia regarding sexual abuse of children in the wt organisation, of which one of my children was victim of.

the bold print is my added comment.. .

so, how was the rest of your day yesterday?

razorMind

...talking about how bad they are is not helping me although by no means do I have my head in the sand....and you know many do.

Talk about a contradictory statement...

That's the problem WITH the (pedophilia) problem; too many of them (I don't mean the victims, btw) "don't want to talk about it" and prefer to look the other way. Pretend the issue isn't there.

PUH-LEEZE...but yet she still doesn't think she "has her head in the sand"?!?

As if avoiding the issue will make it disappear. My mother holds the same "La-La-Land" type view on "unsavory" issues in and out of the org. Blind, blind, BLIND.

23

(Warning, rant enclosed) I feel like my brain is turning to mush.....

by razorMind in

jw
friends

i'm sick of my job, sick of the city i'm living in, sick of most of the people who surround me daily.

like a lot of folks here, i was "encouraged to find education within jah's service" discouraged from seeking further education whilst being raised in the troof.

were it up to my father, i probably wouldn't have been permitted to attend regular public school, grades k through 12, much less college---education was that much maligned in my family.

razorMind

I'm sick of my job, sick of the city I'm living in, sick of most of the people who surround me daily.

Like a lot of folks here, I was ~~"encouraged to find education within Jah's service"~~ discouraged from seeking further education whilst being raised in The Troof. Were it up to my father, I probably wouldn't have been permitted to attend regular public school, grades K through 12, much LESS college---education was that much maligned in my family.

I've been "non-participating JW" since about age 24; only been mentally free for about 3 years. I'll be 33 in a couple of weeks. I feel like my brain is wasting away, and I just can't get up the nerve to go to back to school. Nobody around me seems to have any interests outside of shopping, gossiping, getting drunk, going to nightclubs. Nobody seems to know anything, and they seem to be just fine with that. This includes all age groups, not just "the young people." I practically live in our local library, and love to read books on all sorts of subjects. But I can't discuss any of them with any friends or acquaintances because nobody ever knows what I'm talking about. The few who might are so conceited and arrogant (and sad to say, prejudiced--perish the thought of a "colored" gal who can match minds with THEM!) with their knowledge that I avoid them like the plague.

I'm tired of always feeling like an alien. I'm tired of always having to explain why I'm reading this or that book, explaining "why" I feel the need to know more about Mayan history or court life in ancient China and on and ON. I'm tired of getting turned-up noses when I want to try Indian food, or express my interest in someday vacationing in Alaska and seeing whales, versus hitting the club/bar circuit in Cancun or Las Vegas (really irritating conversation that I won't get into). There is SO much more in the world I want to learn about. And I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET THERE.

Most of the intense anger I used to feel at my parents has simmered down. But I find myself incredibly irritated at my co-workers now, more than I used to. I just hear the stupid, ignorant conversations around me and I just get pissed off. There are a couple that I'd befriended and even considered close friends, but then they start to annoy me so much with their narrow- and close-mindedness/lack of exposure that I find myself backing off. Then I feel guilty about doing that, and the cycle goes on and on.

I'm 5 months pregnant now, so college is not in the near future right now that I can see. Equally daunting is the length of time I'll have to be going in order to get a degree. My job will pay 100% for up to 32 credit hours---and that just seems like such a God-awful long time to get a 4-yr degree. And then there's my choice of subject---I'd like to be some type of illustrator, something in the art field (but even then I'm STILL not sure about my choice of major)---and I can't guarantee that I won't have to move away somewhere else. My husband is already against us moving away anywhere. I just don't know.

All I know is that these thoughts still come up from time to time. I'm concentrating on the baby right now, and getting things ready/prepared for him or her. But I will have to go back to making a living after he/she's born, and I already know that I don't want to do my current job for the rest of my life. I have already blown precious time (I worked here for 2 years, left for 6 mos. then came back a couple of months ago), and I don't want to do that again.

What can I do now to keep learning and growing, even though I can't go to school right now? I read all I can. I don't know a lot about politics/world economics, for example; are there any good books someone can recommend "for dummies"? (I'm an innocent babe when it comes to subjects of this sort)

Anyway, thanks for reading this far. I hope I don't sound too crazy. If it wasn't for this board, I wouldn't have done the healing I have accomplished. If it wasn't for my husband, and for the bright, witty folks on this board, I'd never hear/read any sort of intelligent, thoughtful conversation, period.

11

Raised by a religion

by startingover in

jw
friends

recently i came upon this statement on this board: .

they were a couple: husband and wife; they were providers: mom and dad; they were people: man and woman; but they weren't really parents.

they let the religion "parent" me... .

razorMind

I know lots of people born in the org, their parents followed the book on raising kids, and probably had the youth book eartagged.

The amount of times i heard ''well the society says...." "we showed him\her the article on,...etc''

This is exactly how I was raised .

33

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

by Aztec in

jw
friends

do any of you suffer from what you perceive as ocd?

to any degree?

do you think it is because of the wtbts?

razorMind

I used to do OCD things, I had a lot of those compulsions and obsessive habits, too.

For example, I used to do this motion with my hands. I'd hold them as if clasping them, then obsessively rub the area so that one thumb would rub against the other. I had a HUGE callus in the area between thumb and forefinger that was a hard as a rock.

I also was obsessive about lint and hair on anything. I'd clean EVERY SINGLE speck of lint and hair from my bedding and stuffed animals, convinced that something bad would happen if I didn't. I had an obsession with certain numbers and letters. Certain numbers or combinations of numbers, and certain letters were "good" or "bad". If I saw a sign or license plate with "good" numbers coupled with what I considered "good" letters, I'd blink either 5 or 7 times, or 15 times in increments of 3. Stuff like that I used to do.

The strange thing, or maybe not-so-strange, thing is that most of these tendencies ceased once I moved out of my (staunch Dub) parent's house. I looked down at my hand, a few months ago, years after moving away, and realized for the first time that that callus is now gone.