Wow, I got a lot of comments. :)
Ok, I get that there are different kinds of love, that makes sense. I just wanted him to know that I felt in terms of importance it went: 1) Our own identity (because you cant have a healthy...) 2) Our romantic relationship (because you cant have a healthy...) 3) Our family as a whole. I hope this makes sense. It made a lot of sense to him. And to those who thought that because he is male he is not interested...that is far from the truth. We had a great discussion and he understands my concerns. He feels his experience growing up is different because he never had a father, so he was his mothers priority (no siblings either), and I understand his point of view.
And no we are not having kids for a long time. I still have to go through graduate school, and then a couple years to get established in a career, and we want a house FIRST. We count on at LEAST 5 years but even thats too soon. I think we will be "ready enough" (haha!) by the time we are 30 years old...and thats what we are counting on. So do not panic.
I know that since I do not have kids I just do not know...but I have seen this both ways. My mom was an excellant mother, and if someone told her she should not have kids because she loves her husband more...well I would not be here! I have seen mothers be too motherly and neglect their spouse. I have seen fathers do the same. I do not want my identity to be "mother"....not at all. I do not want to be "the mother of so-and-sos kids". I want to be the best friend, the lover, AND the mother.
Posts by jwbot
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45I am scared of my future marriage
by jwbot ini am watching oprah (right now actually) and the topic hits close to home.
good timing actually, because yesterday i was thinking of talking with my fiance, mike about this very thing.
you see, mike really loves kids, and we plan to have them eventually, its a very important part in our relationship (to him, mostly).
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jwbot
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45
I am scared of my future marriage
by jwbot ini am watching oprah (right now actually) and the topic hits close to home.
good timing actually, because yesterday i was thinking of talking with my fiance, mike about this very thing.
you see, mike really loves kids, and we plan to have them eventually, its a very important part in our relationship (to him, mostly).
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jwbot
I am watching Oprah (right now actually) and the topic hits close to home. Good timing actually, because yesterday I was thinking of talking with my fiance, Mike about this very thing. You see, Mike really loves kids, and we plan to have them eventually, its a very important part in our relationship (to him, mostly). So I would not want to make the next step (getting married) if I had issues that needed to be aired about that. I won't mind having kids, I know I will love them. We plan to have one naturally, and then adopt one (and he or I will get snipped). So thats the "plan" (yes I know things do not always go according to plan).
So what am I scared of? I am afraid he will love the kids more than he loves me. The thing is, is it is really important to me that I love Mike more than I will love our kids, and that I KNOW he loves me more than he loves our kids. I might catch some heat for saying that. It is important because Mike and I are equals and OUR relationship will be the center of our families. Our happy family will revolve around the love that is between Mike and I. The kids will see that, and I think that will make them feel secure. I will love my children, but I will be "in love" with Mike.
When I was young, I remember asking my mom "who do you love more, me or dad?". She said she loved Dad more because they have been best friends for a very long time, and that they are husband and wife and it is a very special relationship. She also explained the type of love that she has for me, and how special a relatioship between mother and daughter (and parent and child) is. That made me feel really good. There was never once in my life that I thought "ohh mom and dad might get a divorce" or "mom and dad dont love each other". I never felt that. My parents may have faults, but they have one of the best romantic relationships I have seen, possibly the best. They had no problems hugging and kissing with us around either, and after the initial "eew mom and dad are kissing" and running out of the room, it was a very good thing to see as a child. I saw how relationships should function.
I am very scared that I will not have the same thing, and I want what my parents have. Mike is coming home from work soon and I plan on talking to him about my thoughts. So...what is everyone elses thoughts? Am I crazy? -
60
Were You a Little Prude JW?
by minimus inwere you a prude as a jw?
are you still one?
prudes, (especially jws) are so judgmental.
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jwbot
Me? Hells-no...I was always getting BUSTED by the prudes though ;)
My oldest sister I think sucked all the prude-genes into her own body at birth. Even as a young girl she was unbearably proper. Dressed up victorian (I kid you not) and made her own modest clothes from age 12 on...because store clothes were just so worldly! OY! My poor parents... -
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JEHOVAH'S SICKO JAILED
by Elsewhere inhttp://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=15404052&method=full&siteid=89488&headline=jehovah-s-sicko-jailed-name_page.html
jehovah's sicko jailed .
a jehovah's witness who used his position in the movement to prey on young girls was jailed for four years yesterday.. allan scollay, 47, of inverness, kissed and fondled the girls, aged 11 and 12 at the time, after taking them under his wing and befriending their mums.. the father-of-three, who now lives in blackpool, was found guilty of four indecency charges between september 1992 and september 1995 by a jury at inverness sheriff court last month.. back in the court yesterday, sheriff alexander pollock passed the maximum sentence for what he called 'a gross abuse of trust'.. scollay's defence agent described him as 'somewhat of a jekyll and hyde personality
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jwbot
And 4 years is the MAXIMUM? WTF? What kind of law is that???
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30
Child abuse or consenual relationship?
by pratt1 ina few years ago my brother - law admitted that at 14 he had a sexual relationship for 5 years with the wife of an elder in his congo.. he was at 19 dfed for an affair he had with a fellow student.. he never told any one about the affair with the married sister, but now 10 years later, this sister and her unsufferable husband are planning to become assistant co. .
my mother - law, who is still in the"lie" now knows about this affair and has made the statement that she has probable asked for forgiveness in her heart therefore the elders do not need to know of the affair.. my brother - law is going through his own issues and because of the way he has been treated ie.. shunned, basically disowned by most of his family, he wants to expose her and her husband who he believes knew about the affair.. i've recommended that he discuss this with his therapist and that he should think about why he feels the need to expose her now.
by the way this sister is 2 year younger than his mom.
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jwbot
Well, its child abuse because 14 year olds do not make the consciencious choice to be sexual with an adult and the law agrees.
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Did You Ever Think You'd No Longer Be A Witness?
by minimus indid you ever dream that you'd be posting here too?
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jwbot
To be honest....even as a child I would say to my parents "yeah maybe I will go to Bethel one day!" but I knew inside that I was saying that to make them happy...I fantasized about being "worldly" and going to college, being successful, celebrating holidays even! I just knew even as a little girl (especially as a GIRL) that I could not be myself or happy if I stayed a JW. I knew that once I moved away I was OUT! I started to not believe in God as a young child to. I remember asking my parents "but how do you KNOW there is a God?" trying to get them to prove it to me!
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23
What movies have you seen that make you want to be a better person?
by confusedjw in.
the movie "to sir with love" had that effect on me years ago.. .
what movie has inspired you & why?
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jwbot
Amelie
Hotel Rwanda
The Pianist
Schindlers List
Garden State
Some of these (Amelie, Garden State) inspire me to really live life, they are happy, beautiful movies and I strongly recommend them. Other movies (Hotel Rwanda, The Pianist) are the types that really show you just how evil humans can get and leave you dumbfounded-but also aware, I think it is important to be very aware of the dark times in our history (even recent history-1994: Hotel Rwanda) as humans. -
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Name Things You Can Get Counseled,Reproved or Disfellowshipped For
by minimus insince the jw religion is sooooo restrictive, it is good to think about just how wacky this cult is.....for example, you can get counseled for buying a 2 door car as opposed to a "pioneer" car (4 door).
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jwbot
lilbit: I was an elders daughter and I got counsiled all the time...for a lot of the same reasons. my nail polish was too colorful, wearing flip flops, wearing too much black, having too short hair, having blong streaks in my hair, wearing a slit in my skirt (seems those are really looked down on in my parents cong.), having nice clothes, wearing a tight necklace (or choker), having a chain on my pants, wearing baggy clothes, wearing tight clothes, wanting a 2-door car. etc. etc. etc.
Now, it seemed that because my dad was an elder, a well-liked elder, other older men were comfortable with just telling me their opinion about how a dressed/looked/acted. I was too opinionated for a female to tell them (in a nice way) to leave me alone. I was just ALWAYS getting counsiled...by other elders, MS's and my father. Luckily my father felt there was no hope for me :) -
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How long have you been on the Internet? and ..
by Brummie inwhich is the 1st exjw site you posted on?.
i didnt get on until 1999 and posted on randys wt world and h20 occasionally.
also larry ingmans chat.... any of you used to post or chat there?
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jwbot
1994 (or 5?)...it was a wickedly expensive subscription...and I used it for email mostly. Oh gawd...Netscape came out then, no? Oh and don't forget about mIRC!!! (which I still use btw). My first ex-jw site was this one I beleive, that I posted on. I would look for these "apostate" sites way earlier but never posted.
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32
I think I might try to date a JW girl
by tsunami_rid3r intheres a new girl and her brothers down here from kansas until may.
she sounds fun, from what i've met at the gathering last night.
shes looking for a guy.
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jwbot
tsunami_rid3r: At 17yo I was still *kinda* a JW but looking for fun...that sounds like you, and that is a GOOD thing because you are young, enjoy it! There is a real guy shortage and average (or "normies") girls like me had no chance of hooking up with a good looking (or even average) JW boys, let alone cool ones with a personality. If I were you, I would "feel her out" a little and see where her thoughts really are. Maybe she was like me and looking for a little fun relationships? But please please please do not get serious (like marriage-serious) because you are young and you will regret it...whatever you do, keep college as the main goal and do not let ANYONE get in the way of that. TRUST me. Besides...think of the fun you can have in college (be responsible though!)!! Good times...I wont leave college ever it seems!