Posts by rollercoaster

14

Is therapy the answer?

by ShaunaC in

i just finished reading the thread started by seven regarding therapy.

i saw that many of you have gone to counseling as well.

still others are cautious about it.

Zaz,
You can probably guess it's my spunk that keeps getting me in trouble. Thankfully the man I want to marry thinks it's great. I am so glad I found this place. Everyone I have met is honest, and helpful. I see all the different points of view, and realize none of you have been struck dead for speaking to others about how you feel. My sincere question now is, how do we meet up to the Bible principles. I'm a little lost on how to proceed. Any help is more than welcome.
How is Shauna doing? Anyone hear from her?

Thanks,
RC

14

Is therapy the answer?

by ShaunaC in

i just finished reading the thread started by seven regarding therapy.

i saw that many of you have gone to counseling as well.

still others are cautious about it.

rollercoaster

Hi Zazu,
What wonderful advice. You are so right about the therapist you see. I went to one that made me feel very inferior. It is hard to talk to someone about being a JW when you are told over and over again that you can't say anything bad about the organization, and everything that happens to you is for a refining. So how does abuse strenthen you over time for better service to Jehovah? Certainly you don't feel happy out in service when you suffered abuse just before you walked out the door. And MOST certainly nobody in the car group is going to feel comfortable hearing about it. They resent the fact that you have interrupted their day with a big dark cloud. Therapy is good. After you say outloud the concerns you have about the organization the first time, you don't fear sudden death the second time. After awhile you realize your concerns are real, and you have rights to your feelings and emotions and when something makes you feel unfairly a lesser person, you start standing up and saying "wait a minute".
The organization talks about balance, and wants people to demonstrate balance (so they say) wouldn't you say that balance means being treated as an EQUAL? I want to run the mics, and sound and sit on the committee to counsel the brothers. O.K.?!!? Can I huh? Can I?
Oh...sorry, got a little carried away here. Didn't realize I climbed on the soap box.

RC

14

Is therapy the answer?

by ShaunaC in

i just finished reading the thread started by seven regarding therapy.

i saw that many of you have gone to counseling as well.

still others are cautious about it.

rollercoaster

Shauna,
The questions you ask are great. I am still in good standing as a JW, but that doesn't mean I will be for long. Do you work or have other areas of your life you can focus on? Are there people you know that are not JW to help you? To validate your reasons for not being a JW any longer?
The female concerns are legitimate. I was in an abusive relationship during my first marriage, and the elders were encouraging me to stay. After my spouse held a gun to my head and said he was going to pull the trigger, I managed to leave under the disquise of a vacation to visit my parents. I divorced him.
I remarried a brother, what a joke. He left me....
anyway, to make a long story short, I decided not take any crap from the Bros. anymore, ended up working on a construction site with a couple of them, told them off because they were trying to run my life.
I ended up owning my own construction type business,have to deal with men on a daily basis, the brothers are afraid to talk to me because I wont be bullied or be a submissive woman. They have no grounds to df me.
You need to realize that they are just men trying to be control freaks.
You have intelligence, ability, and the right to make your own decisions.
If you need to go through some counseling to help build your self esteem, then do it. Before I left my abusive situation, I went through therapy. They put me on drugs, and gave me a label. The brothers thought it was great. Now, I am O.K.!!!! The therapy helped me realize that abuse is not acceptable, and the brothers like to put women through a form of mental abuse. Load you down with guilt to please Jehovah. Jehovah would not want the people he loves to stay in an abusive situation!!!!
Well....I think I may have said to much..... hope you get answers that will help you.

RC

3

A little something for the ladies

by expatbrit in

jw
friends

received this through e-mail.

hope you enjoy it (and have or know all of the following items).. expatbrit.. every woman should have:.

1. one old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who.

rollercoaster

Hey,
I have everything including the cordless drill.

Rollercoaster

17

An open letter to Waiting, and those she misled.

by RedhorseWoman in

jw
friends

now, i'm sure all of you have seen waiting's statements on multiple threads that i started the introduction thread in the sex forum, with the implication that i am constantly thinking about sex and sexual innuendoes (well, this second one may be true, but i almost never think about sex...just ask my husband).. rather than reply to each of her misleading statements, i decided that it would be best to address the issue in one post, one open letter (besides, my cut and paste finger is otherwise occupied at the moment and unavailable for the repetitious task).. let me say this.....if reincarnation is true, then waiting was the evil stepsister to my cinderella (sigh).

i am such a wonderful, patient person, and waiting.....well, waiting.....she....(sniff)....makes fun of me.....(of course she's really good at it, but that is not the point).. i am stating here, once and for all, unequivocally, that i am not the perpetrator of the introduction thread in the sex forum.

waiting did it.

rollercoaster

HI?,HI!!,Hello?!?!,
O.K., here's my intro., I am a JW in good standing, but inactive, for some reason, I can't make myself go to meetings. hmmmm... anyway, been in since 83, and am a little disappointed in the lack of sincere love and understanding in the organization.
I am single, with one beautiful child. I'm older than 44. I have a lot of questions and at this time, no answers.

Rollercoaster.

116

Confessing

by STRUGGLE in

jw
friends

hello, i was reading judical com.

was really suprise to find out how some of jw's feel.

some have, like the single mom, have such a negative experience with them.

rollercoaster

Struggle,
After reading your many posts, and everyone elses, I have to tell you I am going through nearly the same thing. I refuse to talk to the elders anymore about it. I am engaged to a wonderful man. He is not in the truth. He wanted to study at one time, but when the elders decided he wanted to study only to marry me,no one would study with him.
There is a question about my being free to remarry, although my "ex" admits to staying with a past wife on the weekends, while we were married. ( they didn't sleep toghether of course)Since there aren't any other witnesses of them sleeping together, although I have a tape recording of him admitting staying with her overnight on weekends, I am considered not free to remarry.
I too want to please Jehovah. I also want to see the paradise earth. I want to have pure worship of Jehovah. I pray constantly to Jehovah.
I hope you find your path. I hope you gain confidence in your decisions and stop seeking the approval of earthly, imperfect men.
I am still working on all the above.

Rollercoaster...

15

Says he spent weekend, but didn't have sex

by rollercoaster in

o.k., this is a long story.

i was married to a jw, (i am a jw) he left me, and i begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her.

3 months later, he came back, and i let him stay, then he left me again.

rollercoaster

Thanks Zazu, I need some advice from elders. Some ammunition if you will. How could Jehovah approve of what's happened. It just amazes me that this man can get all of the support from the Bros. because he claims mental illness. It's like a license to do wrong. He has been married so many times it isn't funny. After he left me, he said he was mentally ill, and went to a doctor. He just doesn't want to be responsible for his actions.
I don't want to be df'd because of the affect it would have on my child, and the few friends I do have that are JW.

15

Says he spent weekend, but didn't have sex

by rollercoaster in

o.k., this is a long story.

i was married to a jw, (i am a jw) he left me, and i begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her.

3 months later, he came back, and i let him stay, then he left me again.

rollercoaster

I refused to sign the divorce papers because the elders said I shouldn't since there was no gounds for divorce.(at that time I wasn't aware of his activities)Funny how they didn't tell my X that.

15

Says he spent weekend, but didn't have sex

by rollercoaster in

o.k., this is a long story.

i was married to a jw, (i am a jw) he left me, and i begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her.

3 months later, he came back, and i let him stay, then he left me again.

rollercoaster

OK, I don't think I gave enough information on the subject. His x-wife married somone else before he could divorce me. He is a jerk. I met with the elders from the very beginning of this mess. (5 years now) and since he denies having an affair, I am stuck. He had no grounds for divorce. I was very faithful to him and he truth.
Yes the man I am in love with now is not in the truth.
I feel as though I have had no support from the elders. They seem to defend my x.

15

Says he spent weekend, but didn't have sex

by rollercoaster in

o.k., this is a long story.

i was married to a jw, (i am a jw) he left me, and i begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her.

3 months later, he came back, and i let him stay, then he left me again.

rollercoaster

O.K., this is a long story. I was married to a JW, (I am a JW) he left me, and I begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her. 3 months later, he came back, and I let him stay, then he left me again. This time I would not let him come back. In the mean time, my mother tells me that his x-wife had called her looking for my spouse because they were to ger married. My spouse divorced me, I refused to sign the papers. Now I have to prove that he had sex with his x-wife. I have no help from the elders, because I want to re-marry and the man is not a JW. If I remarry without proof, I can be df'd.