Confessing

STRUGGLE

Hello, I was reading Judical Com. Was really suprise to find out how some of JW's feel. Some have, like the single mom, have such a negative experience with them. Do you confess everything or just the things you think the elders need to know.

waiting

Hello Struggle,

I was one of the single moms before the elders. Long time ago. Other women talked about their experiences also. As was brought out by Frenchy, there are things, rights, we supposedly have. The problem is - most of us don't know that and are intimidated. The elders are not open about the rights of the publishers & others.

Not all elders are evil, dumb, or after their own interests. But that's not easy to discern to the one sitting on the "other side" of the table, or down in the dark. Some try hard to do the decent thing, and succeed. I have been fortunate in the congregations I've attended over the last 30 years to always find one elder I was comfortable talking with and who would talk with me (not alone). Just someone.

Do you confess everything or just the things you think the elders need to know.

At least in my circumstance, I asked for meeting - told them the general "sin" area to be discussed. If memory serves me, when meeting started, they asked for the sin, circumstances, etc., to be discussed. Then the questions started as they were trying to ascertain my "repentance and attitude." These are the all-important things - and many questions seem to be necessary, and since it was a sexual sin, many sexual questions.

If a person is truthful by nature, I think they'll answer the questions, particularily if they're intimidated to do so. I believe the elders are under the impression that they - and only they - make the decision as to what they need to know.

Look in your Insight Book under the word Lie. Read the definition. According to the WTBTS - a lie is to withhold information from someone you deem not deserving of a truthful statement. (paraphrased). The Aid Book has the same definition. I know it sounds odd, but according to the WTBTS, you can withhold the truth from anyone you think doesn't deserve a truthful statement.

Get it? They're saying you can lie anytime you please - just read for yourself. So if you're an honest person - be honest. If you're looking for a way out - follow the definitions and insight given by the WTBTS. According to them - it's not lying.

Welcome. Come back and visit with us.

waiting

STRUGGLE

Dear Waiting;

Thanks for the information, I will look it up. It is never easy revealing private things to others. In the past I wrote a letter,
a very detail letter with cited scriptures. Beleive it or not I was not subjected to alot of embarassing questions. Oh by the way I am by nature an honest person.

Thank You for the reply and the welcome. I look forward to talking with you again.

thinker

Struggle,
Be very careful about writing things down, if you do get some dishonest ones, it can and will be used against you. And it isn't a pretty sight.
TW

waiting

Hey TW and Struggle,

That's very good advice. Keep things oral (no pun intended) like the elders' do. Our words, or thoughts behind them, can sometimes be misconstrued on paper. And paper lasts a century.

Struggle, I hope it goes well for you. There's a lot of information on the web - mostly true, imo, about the WTBTS. Your conscience in a large way has been trained by the WTBTS. The same as if your conscience was trained under the usa country versus a communist country (brain training).

We're all trained under something or someone. Please take the time to look - from afar - at the organization which trained you and me.
Read your Bible, every jw has one. And read the web - we're fortunate for all the information.

I hope you come back. Watch out for Red - she's fiesty in the New Year, I've heard.

waiting

STRUGGLE

Dear Thinker and Waiting;

I will keep it oral. For the most part I have to say I have a pretty good group of elders. But everyone gets tired.

Have you ever thought of keeping the wrong that you did between you and Jehovah? I was raised in the truth. So I do have a bible based conscince. I have never been disfellowshiped before. I feel like it is going to happen this time. I must say right now I am pretty numb. It is hard for a sister to go before the elders and reveal private and personal things.

You know what is so amazing I tried to get the help I needed. I went to the elders. I talked to two of them about how I was attracted to this wordly man. Of course they shared bible scriptures with me. In the end when the heart gets involved you don't listen to reason, until it is too late.

Thanks for the input, it helps to have someone to talk to.

larc

Struggle,

When you talk to the elders use tact, in other words, be evasive, tell as little as possible, and lie if you have to. You can do this; you were taught how to do this, i.e., use tact. OK, you made a mistake, you feel awful, terrible and you are so remorseful and you beg for mercy. If you enjoyed it and thought it was terrific at the time, for God's sake don't tell them. Tell them what they want you to tell them to become a forgiven sinner. They will feel good for saving you and you will feel good for not being thrown into outer darkness. Everyone wins.

larc

Struggle,

Follow your own inclination, keep as much of it as you can between you and Jehovah. Talk to him; don't talk to them.

claudia

Struggle, I couldnt find that site, whats the correct address? thanks and welcome,

thinker

Struggle,
Been there and done that. No good advice was forthcoming on how to handle feelings once they have already developed.
Do think for yourself. If you feel you can go on without telling, you might be better off.
It all depends on where you want to be.
For myself, it may have been better to go through the break (at their discretion) than to have had to go all the heartache later.
Really the ball is in your park. Only do what your heart really tells you to do.
Thinkers Wife

Confessing

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