Posts by safe4kids

13

Pre-partum/ Post-partum depression......

by LDH in

well let's hear it gals.

has either one ever affected you?.

i,for one, am having a case of pre-partum blues, specifically because i'm having the pregnancy from hell.. i'm ready to hear any advice y'all have.. lisa

safe4kids

Hey Lisa,

My first child was born in September which meant I had to go through the Florida summer, specifically AUGUST 8 mos pregnant. I worked through it too and my ankles and legs looked like they belonged to elephants! It was awful so I do commiserate with you girl!

I suffered postpartum depression with both of my kids but the first time around was the worst. It was such a difficult adjustment and I didn't even realize what I was going through till it was almost over. Good thing tho is that it did eventually end.

Waiting
I remember telling my hubby that same thing...that I would be the first woman in history to stay pregnant forever! LOLOL

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

14

Need Advice for Female Now!

by mwconklin in

jw
friends

can a 19 yr old male christian go out with a 19 yr old female jehovah's witness?

if not, are their any ways around it?

i me and this female really like each other but cant be seen together due to her religion.

safe4kids

Hi MW,

I have to agree with the other opinions expressed here, I don't think much of your chances with this girl.

When I was 19, I got involved with a 'worldly' guy and ended up getting df'd coz I wouldn't give him up. We got married, I got reinstated and we stayed together through 13 years and two children. Sadly enough, our marriage ended due to a lot of things I won't go into here, but some of it was borg-related. All of those years we were together, he had to put up with my Witness life-style and beliefs which seemed totally alien to him. He wasn't able to celebrate the birthdays of his children nor to enjoy other holiday celebrations with them. All in all, it wasn't much of a life for the guy and looking back now, I feel a lot of regret for what I put him through (and don't even get me started on sex!).
It might be a good idea for you to cut your losses on this one and move on. Life with a JW can be extremely difficult! Wishing you the best.

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

40

Experiences: How you know it ain't the 'truth'

by LDH in

jw
friends

please post your experiences here for any lurkers to read.

when i was a teenager, there was a young lady early 20's who had moved into our cong.

she had a newborn son and had just married her worldly boyfriend, the father of the baby.

safe4kids

Hey Lisa,

This is a great idea for a thread....hopefully, it will help some folks (lurkers, etc) to reason on the WTS.

One of my experiences was when I went to the elders for help in dealing with the issue of my sexual abuse. I had always been taught that the elders were a 'safe haven' and to go to them when there was a need. I've posted my story in the personal experiences forum but one thing that stands out is how I was treated by the elders. At first, they were very warm and welcoming to me but as time progressed there was a subtle and then not so subtle shift in their attitude towards me. My abuser was a member of my congregation and I was having difficulty going to the meetings (with two young children, I might add) and listening to him saying prayers, etc. I did NOT bother the elders on a daily or even weekly basis. I didn't ask them to take away his priveleges in the congregation. I wasn't a troublemaker. All I asked for was help for me and my children. They assured me that we would be included in their family outings, meals whatever. Never happened. One of the elders gave me his pager number and told me to call him at ANY time, he would be there for me. I called him ONCE and he was so very cold that I never did it again. I recently read one of the BOE letters on Silentlambs page and found out why their attitudes changed. Apparently, my needs were taking up too much of their time, in their opinion. BTW...this same elder while never inviting me and my family to a meal, did however see fit to ask my abuser and his family out. That may sound petty but the hurt went deep. Long story short, altho my abuser finally (under pressure and at the word of two other victims) admitted to what he'd done, there was NO disciplinary action taken. In fact, right after this, he was made a regular pioneer. And the congregation was kept in the dark completely. There were no warnings to other parents, no restrictions placed upon him. And I was offered no help other than to be told how unforgiving I was being. I was also accused of causing divisions in the congregation which was a laugh as the only person I had spoken to about the situation, besides elders, was one elder's wife. The final straw for me was when one of my children was molested by an immediate family member of my abuser ALL DUE TO MY FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF MY 'SAFE HAVENS' and ignoring my own instincts. The only real action I saw by the elders was to quickly implement a CYA policy and do their best to shut me up.
So I left. That was about 4 years ago and today I don't look back. I'm relieved to be out of an environment that punishes victims and rewards those who prey on others.

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

6

Who Here Feel Strongly?

by ballistic in

jw
friends

i feel so mad because of what i went through for the "truth" i just want to shout about it.

i'm not mad with the individuals, some of which are genuine, mostly good, and nearly all mislead.

i just view the whole organisation like a run away machine, gone crazy, dangerous.

safe4kids

Hey ballistic,

I agree with what Dan said...and I'd also like to add from my own personal experience that the strong feelings do tend to subside after awhile but they don't go away completely. Sounds to me like you feel justifiable anger towards the pain you suffered; I think that's a normal and healthy reaction.

hang in there, it does seem to get better

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

24

VietNam Era

by Tina in

jw
friends

reading country joe's posts got me thinkingabout the vietnam war era folks here.. what were you doing at that time?.

as jw's and non-jw's,what were your feelings about the war?.

are you a vet or child of one?.

safe4kids

Hey Tina,

Well, I was 4 years old in 1969 so I can't say that I remember much about it. One thing tho that comes to mind is more to do with the psychology of the effects of the war on our vets. It is my understanding (and please correct me if I'm wrong) that mental health professionals learned a great deal about PTSD from the returning vietnam vets. That understanding has since broadened to benefit survivors of many different types of trauma, myself included. To me, this is a fascinating development and something I always associate with that particular war. I'm not sure where I originally made that association. Does anyone know if it's correct?

Thanks. I look forward to reading the responses of those who remember this period in our history.
Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

27

Where are we from.....

by BobsGirl in

jw
friends

i know that this has been done before, but i am new to the board and i would like to get an idea of where everyone is located.

as an aside .... plesantries or animosities, moderators or no, i am grateful to have this board.

bobsgirl

safe4kids

A small town near Tampa Florida here...

Comf,

A 'horny' toad?

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

9

Question: ex JW cultural psychology

by Celtic in

jw
friends

one or two of you i know have studied psychology.

those of you that have, and perhaps this applies to sociologists here too, have noted any differences in psychological makeup of ex witnesses between different countries cultures?.

many postings are usa.

safe4kids

Hey Celtic,

Interesting question and one I don't have an answer for! But I do agree with Tina's comments above, although she said it much better than I could! ((Tina))

Intro you said:

I guess the one observation that stands out for me, which is no doubt also very general is that a large number of ex-JWs are hung up on religion..

I don't think that I am hung up on religion although I am very interested in most of what I read here on this board. Because of my experiences with a cult, I am very much drawn to discussions of how other's experiences have paralleled mine and how they have handled situations; how they've managed to grow beyond what has been painful and sometimes agonizing for them. I liken it to having been sexually abused: I have healed and grown tremendously; I am no longer a victim of childhood sexual abuse just as I am no longer a victim of the WTS; however, because of my experience with abuse, I will always have a certain sensitivity to the issue. It will always be a part of me; how could it not? I am not obsessed with having been abused but it is an issue which will always hit close to home with me, as will the fact of having been a JW. I think it is this sensitivity and the ability to relate to others who have been abused and/or who were once JWs, that spurs people to action and to help others.

I hope that made sense; just my .02
Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

28

MAXIMUS - Don't Ever leave

by hawkaw in

jw
friends

max,.

i just read another thread where someone took a "shot" at you with the f__k word etc.. go hug your wife and remember what happens in october with your family.. you may meet 10 idiots on this board but i assure you, you will help save at least one life and another one's freedom.. hawk

safe4kids

Hello Maximus,

I just want to add my voice to those others who have spoken out here: please don't leave. Max, as has already been said, you are needed on this board. Personally, I am very much appreciative of the posts you write, the kind and eloquent style of writing that you have, and the information that you share with us. I know that you have a family that you enjoy spending time with and yet I am so grateful for the time that you put in here. YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO ME. I am one of the ones you've helped and I'll bet you didn't even know it.

Max, please don't leave.

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

48

Coming to Toronto this month? Sign in here!

by peterstride in

jw
friends

hey all,.

just to get an idea as to how many people are coming to toronto for the next apostofest, in case i need to make reservations at various places...all because the toronto international film festival will be taking place on the same weekend!

when you let me know if you're coming, also state on which day you'll be arriving and which day you'll be departing.. thanks, .

safe4kids

Hiyas Peter!

Tracy already responded about our arrival...I am SOOOOOOOOO looking forward to meeting you all!

((((Gwen)))),

I am really disappointed that you aren't going to make it; Tracy and I had been talking about how cool it was going to be to meet you at the apostofest. I hope everything is okay with you. Take care,

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"

9

Helping Simon

by larc in

jw
friends

simon started this forum about a year and a half ago.

when i came here last december, there were 350 people registered to post.

now there are over 2700. over the time from the initiation of this forum, simon's costs have increased.

safe4kids

Hey larc,

I don't know how to do that embarrassed smiley icon or I would do a bunch of em!! Thanks for the reminder big time!!!

Dana

"I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"