Posts by Leela1

2

New ways of Witnessing a bit creepy I think

by Leela1 in

so i started a new job and take the train everyday into the downtown core to my office.i have noticed everyday right when you leave the station there is a display case with watchtower pamphlets and magazines for the public to take.

at first i didnt see the witnesses standing close by monitoring the display case but one day as i looked over a few feet away i saw a man and a woman dressed in their best field service attire chatting away.

i found this a bit odd as when i was a witness we always went door to door.

Leela1

So i started a new job and take the train everyday into the Downtown core to my office.I have noticed everyday right when you leave the station there is a display case with Watchtower Pamphlets and magazines for the public to take. At first I didnt see the Witnesses standing close by monitoring the display case but one day as I looked over a few feet away I saw a man and a woman dressed in their best field service attire chatting away. I found this a bit odd as when I was a witness we always went door to door. And I find it kinda creepy the way the brothers and sisters stand there close enough to where the display is but far enough away so that the public is not aware that they are watching them. I have noticed this everyday for the last 2 months getting on and off the train and never have I seen them approach anyone to witness they only seem to approach if they see someone go up the display than bam they pounce. So i start thinking I have not had any door to door witness calls in quite a while and i did before but not for the last few years. So for any of you have left recently is this form of witnessing a new thing? Do they still go Door to Door as often or is there new and improved ways of witnessing ?

53

Finally posting and I'm FRUSTRATED!!!

by stephanie61092 in

okay, i'm about to engage in a major word vomit.

just giving you fair warning as your time may be better spent somewhere else.. so, i'm sitting on my lunch break, bawling my eyes out, and writing on this forum to people i don't know yet probably have a great deal in common with but at the same time, used to scare the daylights out of me.

for years, i would come across this forum and 'lurk' awhile if you will, or see things on youtube.

Leela1

Hi Stephanie it is normal to be angry I have been out over 17 years and I still get angry sometimes that is why places like this are great as a great way to help you express your feelings. You have been through a lot you have lost a lot. I too have no contact with my family I am DA never been DF but they treat me like a DF. Unlike you I had a pretty abusive childhood that lead to a number of mental health problems when I was a young adult. I worked with a Therapist for many years and he had me complete two activities that I have found really helpful when leaving the JW`S. I would like to share them they really helped me and maybe they could help you.

First thing I did was stop and think about and write down all the great things I now can do in my life because I choose to get out of the JW cult. Focusing on the positives of your new found Freedom can help you put the negatives in perspective. Also framing it as a choice to not return to Cult you are not a victim but a JW Cult Survivor.

Some items in my list include:

I can marry who want and if I want to or if I don’t want to marry I can live with a partner it is up to me.

I don’t have the WBTS telling me how to be a good wife and mother and I can do what I want sexually with my partner and feel no guilt and I don’t have to be a good submissive wife I can have equal say in my relationship;)

I can celebrate whatever holidays I want with whoever I want to celebrate them with.

I can watch, listen and read whatever I want

I get to learn about different cultures, religions and point of view and I can choose to believe and practice what feels right to me.

I can sleep in on Saturday and Sunday if I want to

I don’t have to preach door to door that is done

I can wear what I want even if it is a little low cut or short I can dress and feel and look sexy if I want to and not have to be compared to Jezebel

And most importantly

I never have to be pressured to disown my own children. I stop the cycle of JW mind control with myself and my kids. I can love them for who they are and never have to have anyone tell me I can’t.

These are only a few things on my list. I still have my list and I do still add to it from time to time. I did have it on my fridge at one time and reviewed every day or when I needed to.

I also had a 2nd list of things I wanted to try almost like an EX JW bucket list some things that maybe you were curious about or wanted to try but went allowed to do.

On my list I had things like

Watch the exorcist movie

Go to a sex shop with my partner

Vote in the next election

Donate Blood

Smoke some MJ (if that’s your thing)

Go to a club dance, drink and be merry and have a good time

After I completed these activities I journaled the experience and what emotions it brought up and how I felt during and after.

I found this was a good way to slowly deprogram yourself from all the mind control.

You may be surprised how much fun you have and you will meet new people along the way people who love you unconditionally and that is the best part of not being a JW having real authentic relationships and being able to give and receive real authentic love.

You are a beautiful amazing person who deserves a great life and now you can create the life you really want. It may be different from the life you thought you would have and it may or may not include your family but it will be your life you created yourself.

Best of luck you will be ok.

40

Closer/death/Funerals

by Leela1 in

hello all i am fairly new to this site even though i have been da since i was 16 years old i am now 35 years old.

i have had very little contact with my family since i left maybe a handful of times over the years.

i thought i put the past behind me and moved on i have 4 amazing kids of my own really supportive partner and great friends who have become my family.

Leela1

Tiki: child protective services had known of that abusive family situation chances are youd have been pulled from the home and hed have been in some serious trouble.

Unfortunately in my case Children Services was involved when I was still living at Home they came and did a couple home visits after I was hospitalized. But because there was no physical abuse and they were not able to prove any mental abuse other than what I was telling them I was not removed from the home. My Psychiatrist tried to have me placed in a group home but authority was never given and based on the state of Govt group homes I might not have been better off. But luckily my friends family took me in I was so screwed up but they stuck with me and supported me.Proving there are really good wordly people :)

40

Closer/death/Funerals

by Leela1 in

hello all i am fairly new to this site even though i have been da since i was 16 years old i am now 35 years old.

i have had very little contact with my family since i left maybe a handful of times over the years.

i thought i put the past behind me and moved on i have 4 amazing kids of my own really supportive partner and great friends who have become my family.

Leela1

Thank you all of you for your kind words and support I needed this I think that I knew deep down what I needed to do I just needed some reinforcement from others. I was able to get the phone number of one of my older sisters from a recently DF old family friend from FB. I called her last night her husband answered who I have only ever met 1 time I told him who I was and her put my sister on the phone. It was really strange talking to her as I think the last time I spoke with her was 8 years ago when my older daughter was in a very serious accident. The strange thing about it was that she was speaking to me normal like there was never any distance between us it struck me as strange. Anyway I asked about my dad being sick and she admitted that he is in hospice in another Province (I live in Canada) and that they were going to tell me but they did not have my phone number. She went on to basically to defend my dad for the ways he is. I tried to find out what hospice he was at but she would not give me any info. She did however give me my mom cell number so I can call her. I have not made the call yet and I am not sure if I will but at least I have it and if I decide too I can contact her. But I have decided that I will not be reaching out to my Dad nor going to try to attend his funeral. I agree with all of you that it probably wont do me any good and I think I should let things be.I dont want to spend anymore of my life greiving over a father who really never was a good father. Now my sister has my phone number so they cant say they dont know how to contact me so the rest up to them we will see what happens.Thanks everyone you don’t know what a help your support has been.

40

Closer/death/Funerals

by Leela1 in

hello all i am fairly new to this site even though i have been da since i was 16 years old i am now 35 years old.

i have had very little contact with my family since i left maybe a handful of times over the years.

i thought i put the past behind me and moved on i have 4 amazing kids of my own really supportive partner and great friends who have become my family.

Leela1

Hello all I am fairly new to this site even though I have been DA since I was 16 years old I am now 35 years old. I have had very little contact with my family since I left maybe a handful of times over the years. I thought I put the past behind me and moved on I have 4 amazing kids of my own really supportive partner and great friends who have become my family. However, through FB I have learned from an old family friend that my Dad who is now in his 70`s is very ill and is getting closer to passing away. I have major issues with my Dad way more than with any other member of my family. My apologies this will be a long post I really have no one who understands what I went through. Some background my Dad is an Elder and was an elder as I was growing up. My Dad was very strict JW on the extreme side followed every belief to the core and expected us to follow as well. I was baptized very young at 13 (my parents both pressured me) I remember growing up always feeling pressure from my dad to be the perfect JW daughter and I could never be good enough. After my baptism the expectations of perfection increased I couldn’t live up to it and I started to fade and over the next 2 years from 14-16 I gradually stopped going to meetings and quit filed service. I remember telling my parents that I couldn’t do it anymore I was not going to anymore meetings my dad looked me in the eye and told me if I didn’t go than I would be treated like a DF person in the home. They couldn’t kick me out they were still responsible for me until I was 18 but they could still start shunning me. From that day forward my Dad stopped talking to me unless he really had to and ordered the rest of the family to do so. I was not allowed to eat at the table with my family (as the bible teaches to not break bread with sinners) I would come down get my food and go eat it alone in my room. I was shunned in my home before I even left no one in my family barely talked to me for almost 2 years only talked to me when they had to or to make sure my physical needs were taken care of. Needless to say after almost 2 years of this treatment I suffered an episode of major depression and unfortunately when I was 16 I tried to end my life but taking a few bottles of pills. At the time I really felt like my life was over I saw no way out. My mom had fortunately found me the next morning when I didn’t get up for school. I was unconscious but I was rushed to the hospital and they revived me and I stayed in a psychiatric unit for 2 weeks. When I was released it was mandatory that my parents take me to my weekly appointment with my psychiatrist. I attended these sessions until I turned 18 and I can say that my psychiatrist saved my life. Unfortunately my family never came around and my Dad increased his negative manipulation of me after my suicide attempt and during my treatment. My dad never came to the hospital to see me (only my mom and she always came with an Elder) and when I came back from the hospital he told me that I would have to go to a judicial hearing because of my suicide attempt and was angry at me because my behavior might have caused him to lose his eldership. My dad really thought that I was demonized and told me often of that fact. We went from barely talking to him telling me daily that I was demonized. The day I was supposed to go for my Judicial hearing to find out if I would be DF because of my suicide attempt I was rescued by an amazing non JW friend and her family who moved me into their home and let me live with them until I was 18. I really think that had I went to the Judicial Committee the stress of it may have pushed me further into mental illness and I may have ended my life.

So the point of all of this if you’re still reading is that I struggled for years grieving the loss of my family. I have no blood relatives that I speak to or see. I have worked hard to live a good life and take care of my mental health and be a good mom for my kids so they never have to go through what I went through. But I have been thinking about trying to find my Dad and go and see him before he dies so I can tell him how much he hurt me but also to tell him that I forgive him and let go of all of the past and all of the hurt. I feel like maybe this would be final closer for me.

However, I am worried about going back and dealing with him again and all the emotions it will bring and whether it is really worth going through it as he probably has not changed.

My question is if any of you have been DA or DF from your family and have had little to no contact did you reach out to your family members for closer later on? Or do any of you have any direct experience dealing with a JW family member who passed away? Did you get to go to the funeral? What happened? were you allowed at the service or the wake? How did you find seeing your family members after such a long time with no contact? Any comments would be helpful before I make the decisions to try to see my dad.

37

am i overreacting?

by freeandcontent in

hi, new here but have been lurking for a while.

some background first, i am from the uk, 3rd gen born in, dad, grandad elders etc.

17 years ago i left, no df or da just left, 18 years old and alone but i did it and have had no regrets.

Leela1

Hi and welcome I am new here on the site as well. I think you need to be very careful you are not overreacting. I have 4 kids and have been DA since I was 15 I am now 35. I have pretty much no contact with my family for about the last 10 years the only time they reach out to me is if it is some family emergency they want me to be aware of. I did at one time have pretty regular contact with one of my sister’s right after I had my oldest daughter. I contacted her often for support as she was the only family member who would talk to me. I had asked my sister not to talk to my kids regarding JW beliefs and for the most part she did respect my wishes. However, my sister had a son 2 years older than my daughter and when he was 7 he told my 5 year old daughter that she was bad for celebrating her bday and that she and myself and my other children were going to die at Armageddon. He showed her pictures of Armageddon and scared the crap out of her. I was downstairs doing laundry with my sister when this happened and when I came up saw him and heard him telling my 5 year old how horrible she was. This was the last time any of my kids saw my sister or her family. My sister defended her son (and to be fair he was just a child and brainwashed) and defended the JWS. Sadly I think that when you are dealing with members of the JW even your family members you can assume that they will try to indoctrinate your daughter as witnessing is central to the faith.