Gonebad, you really went good on those! I liked them all and was unable to decide which one was the best.
How about:
"NOTHING TO SEE HERE!
WATCHTOWER LEAPS INTO BED WITH THE VATICAN TO DISCREDIT VICTIMS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. THE A-TEAM IS BACK!"
OR...
"PENNSYLVANIA ATTORNEY GENERAL SAYS ENOUGH!!!!! THOUSANDS OF PENNSYLVANIA JW ELDERS UNABLE TO COVER UP THEIR OWN DEPOSITIONS FOR HIDING CHILD SEX ABUSE"
Still, I don't think mine have the fresh, hard-hitting spontaneity that yours have. Oh well, I give up.