eyes_opened,
You are in a tough situation having family that are still in the organization. You are right, the control this cult has over someones life is terrible.
It appears that to continue to have contact with your family that are still in the borg, you will have to play the game. Don't say anything negative about the WT.
Grounds for Disfellowshipping? It depends on the person and who the person knows in the Congregation. Also how repentent one is (Kissing the elders butt). I have seen people disfellowshipped for smoking. On the other hand I knew of a few elders sons that were just reproved for drug use and getting drunk. The funny thing is, the elders sons continued getting drunk and never stopped taking drugs, mainly smoking dope.
I know of a situation in my town where an individual was baptized around 1955. He stopped doing all the things a good JW does around 1968. He became a member of the Methodist church around 1980 and still is a member to this day. The JWs use his services regularly and talk to him as a friend even though they know the situation. He is an attorney, my Uncle. Yep, my Uncle. Now my situation is much different. I spoke out against the WT and much of the lies and so forth that went on in my congregation. You have to remember that there is not much room for REAL TRUTH in the WT. I am labled an evil apostate, demon possesed and all that fobic stuff to keep the rank and file away from me.
So if you want to remain having contact with your JW family, don't tell them you know the truth about the "truth".