LifesNotOver

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Posts by LifesNotOver

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  19

  YMCA?

  by LifesNotOver in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  my husband's gone to his meeting and i'm catching up with folks here on our forum.

  i'm sure i'm having a better time :) anyway, was just following some posts regarding the un and there happened to be a copy of a magazine article stating brothers wouldn't want to be joining the "y" because it was "christian".

  i think this was back in the 1950's (maybe not).

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  LifesNotOver

  Hello! My husband's gone to his meeting and I'm catching up with folks here on our forum. I'm sure I'm having a better time :) Anyway, was just following some posts regarding the UN and there happened to be a copy of a magazine article stating brothers wouldn't want to be joining the "Y" because it was "Christian". I think this was back in the 1950's (maybe not). Does anyone remember hearing about this more recently? He's just joined the Y and I'm thinking about bringing this up with him. He's already encouraging me to do yoga if I want, for years he's had a small beard and refuses to shave, and says he'd support me if I were to wear a pantsuit to the meeting. So, small things, I know, but maybe just maybe someday he'll be willing to look at the bigger issues. LNO
  
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  12

  How do i keep seeing my daughter when she turns 18

  by agnosticnow in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  hi.i have a 13 year old daughter that i still have for a limited time as she comes to stay about one night a month at present.the law here in australia is on my side in that the australian governments stand is that the child needs regular access to both parents .

  i am currently arranging for mediation to have her more often .

  her mother can not stand that i am living with another woman and doesn't want her here .

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  LifesNotOver

  My two cents ... if your daughter sees you doing whatever you can to have more time with her, that will prove your sincerity. Be honest with her, but don't tell her things she can't yet understand. Always keep your word. Be her father first, her dad second, and her friend third. I just finished reading this novel where a teenage boy's father just for a moment decided to be "cool dad/friend" so his son would be happy with him, rather than be "responsible father", and it all went tragically wrong. It DID have a happy ending, though, and I love happy endings! Well, a bittersweet ending, actually.

  I've raised 2 teenagers and made plenty of mistakes. I think professional counselling early on would have helped us understand each other and helped in communication. Nip problems in the bud sort of thing, rather than trying it later in the teen years when patterns are already firmly established and much damage has already been done.

  And lots of "I love you's" and hugs! As I said, my two cents ..... LNO
  
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  30

  Imagine living in JW's Paradise.

  by James Mixon in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  lets say you are able to go back in time to the first man( their belief adam) 7000 years.. now you are magically transporter back to adam time with the knowledge you have from.

  todays world..would you make life a little easier for you and your family???

  you may move.

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  LifesNotOver

  How many here love their mates, but don't even want to imagine having to live with them for eternity (or even a thousand years?) Hands up!
  
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  44

  Things I remember growing up in the 70s

  by The Rebel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i remember sitting on my daddy's lap and driving an imaginary car, i also remember sitting on my mummies lap on the front seat, without a seat belt whilst my dad drove a real car.

  i remember we bought fish and chips from the chippy wrapped in yesterday's newspapers.

  i remember bouncing up and down on my space hopper in the garden.

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  LifesNotOver

  Jan: google "white dog poo" - I did! Fascinating
  
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  36

  Brother & Sister-in-Law Return to Kingdom Hall After Two Decades, Quickly Get Stumbled

  by TMS in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  it was a mild surprise, learning that a brother and sister-in-law had began re-associating with jehovah's witnesses after at least 25 years of being away.

  the couple, of hispanic ethnicity, are in their early 60's, with their five children all grown and independent.

  the family had been considered nominal jws, infrequently attending meetings, rarely in field service, but using the annual convention as their family vacation.

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  LifesNotOver

  My husband was invited to meet with a couple of elders to fill out a form for construction work at a new kingdom hall. He's been a journeyman for decades and was willing to help out - was excited to be included, actually, for a change. Then they proceeded to tell him he wouldn't qualify to "volunteer" and "serve Jehovah" unless he shaved his little beard. He might stumble others. What?! Well, we can't refuse you an application form, you can fill it out and hand it in, but there's no way we'll approve you. What?! Sneaky way to coerce him into shaving his beard. He got angry and stood his ground and told them just what he thought of their methods. I was very proud of him! There's hope for him yet :)
  
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  6

  Let's call him brother.

  by The Rebel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  door knocking has its occasional rewards, and if such a " newly interested one" advances to attend the " k.h" he will come in for a lot of complimentary praise.

  in fact if he puts his hand up he is referred to us " our friend" .

  " i am respected here" newly interested one " says to himself.

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  LifesNotOver

  Man oh man! this brings back bad feelings. The love bombing felt sincere, well sort of .... I overrode my instincts, is what I did. I say trust your instincts, sometimes you read them wrong but there's a good chance you're right. Oh, yes, there's the old your heart is treacherous, and then there's also the old no independent thinking, so what can you trust? why trust us, trust what we're telling you, we know what's best for you, we're so smart we've done all this studying of the bible and we even have our own version of the bible we're that smart. We have the truth! I felt like I was making all these new friends (don't worry about alienating all your old friends and family, we'll be your new friends and family and we'll be better at it). Shortly after baptism I told an elder "now I'm baptized, I've been dropped like a hot potato". That felt good, that was before I was afraid to speak my true thoughts and feelings. I didn't know the trouble it could get me into, especially speaking my mind as a female and to an elder at that. He was very surprised, saw the truth in it I guess, and then he and his wife became good friends of ours. :)

  Now that I don't care anymore, it feels so good to be myself again. I have to tell you a little story. The elders came by a couple of weeks ago to give me some encouragement ugh! of course it was early on a Saturday morning when they were out in service (wouldn't want to make a special trip, right?) I wasn't showered or dressed, we were just sitting down to a nice waffle breakfast, and there they are at the door. I wasn't going to let them in, but hubby was right there and oh! come right in, so nice to see you, we were just sitting down to breakfast but it's okay. Wife will make you some waffles. Not! I just sat there feeling so uncomfortable, didn't make waffles, didn't even offer them coffee. They finally caught on from my demeanor that I wasn't very pleased. Do they have no sense of boundaries? Oh, right, they knock on peoples doors early Saturday mornings and try to "engage them in conversation". And it feels good to be talking about "they" and "them" and not including myself. Well, after some awkward moments, well for me anyway, and for my husband too because he knew I would be suspicious why the elders were calling after they'd ignored me for so long and what had he said to them about me? Oops! long story here. Anyway, one of the elders looks over at me and says "I feel like maybe we're intruding" and I quipped back, looking over at the table where our breakfast's getting cold and down at my robe, "What gives you that idea?!" semi-sarcastically. Well, guess you had to be there to get the full effect :) It did get them out of here in a hurry, though, and it just felt good to feel free to let some of my smart-assed-ness come out again. I don't care what they think of me anymore.

  What was the original post about again? Oops! LNO
  
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  10

  Wife having lunch with her nosey Mother.

  by Darkknight757 in

  1. social
  2. family

  so my wife is really nervous about having lunch with her mother today.

  she is an über-dub who is always asking probing questions as to our spirituality.

  i think she knows that we are fading out.

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  LifesNotOver

  Why not simply cancel? Or you cancel for her - "something's come up". I know my husband stood up for me in a very uncomfortable situation, and I appreciated it so much and I think he enjoyed being able to help.
  
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  17

  Bye and thanks for everything

  by LifesNotOver in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  we really went at it this weekend.

  pretty ugly!

  well at least now the air is cleared.

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  LifesNotOver

  Hello! When I first started this post and said "bye", I had in mind telling people where I'd arrived recently and then getting to the point of saying I was going to give this forum a break while I got my thoughts and feelings into some sort of alignment. Just seeing how it might feel to truly be free of the whole JW topic. I was getting all embroiled not only in my problem, but everyone else's here as well. I do that - unable to maintain a healthy distance.

  So now with my husband promising to stay off the topic, with the elders being warned not to come by because I need my space, with no expectations of meeting attendance or service, I'll see how it goes.

  But, you see, that's harder said than done oops! no, I meant that's easier said than done. I'm not fully awake yet this morning. Writing to say thanks and I'm taking a break from the forum to make sure I'm thinking for myself and not again under the influence, of course results in people responding, and of course I have to check back to see what people responded with, and then I want to respond to them, and of course I see other posts and want to see what people are saying about themselves, and round it goes :) Yep, I've become dependant. Maybe just slow down rather than expecting I'll cut myself off totally. I'm so hard on myself. Why can't I just relax, that's what I really need to do after the emotional roller coaster ride I've been on. I don't need to be making another problem for myself.

  That said, I'm going to sign off, take a shower, and get on with my day. And make it a good one. I hope you're all able to do the same. LNO
  
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  17

  Bye and thanks for everything

  by LifesNotOver in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  we really went at it this weekend.

  pretty ugly!

  well at least now the air is cleared.

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  LifesNotOver

  Thank you for the positive reinforcement all! I feel so free! Knowing I would survive a separation from my husband quite well once the stress of it calmed down enabled me to be strong and resolute. I've done it before, more than once, but was more than a little stuck on the idea of being 70! Did I have the strength? Again?! I knew I'd find the strength if it was forced on me, so I'd find the strength if it was my choice. The strength I'd found within me before had never left - the JWs tried to take it from me, thank goodness I didn't let them. I didn't have any friends for practical and emotional support (other than your guys of course) if I needed it, but there are other resources, professionals. All I had to do was swallow my pride and ask the right people for help. Crisis line, police, counsellors, whatever I needed was there and all I would need to do is reach out. Who knows, I might have gotten even more sympathy and understanding and help because of my age :) Just thought of that now.

  Knowing I don't have as many years left on this earth as I might like, the question loomed - how much of the time I do have left do I want to waste pretending? I needed to be true to myself. I couldn't foresee a better time to take a stand. Oh, I remember writing before that I hoped that my husband would die before long so that I'd have at least a few good years left where I'd be free of that religion - wow! Crazy-thinking, that's what stress and fear can do. I know my writing is kind of sloppy, changing tenses all over the place. Sorry to anyone who's into critiquing.

  I saw my father on his death bed, he was so full of regret! He was so sad for the way he'd wasted his life, the missed opportunities, the hurt he caused his family. And he'd run out of time. I don't want that to be me, I want to be a better person, I want to be a happier person, I want to help other people live happier and more meaningful lives. At least have a small part in it. Maybe my kids won't let me close enough to teach them anything, but maybe others will. I do have something to offer. And my 17 years in this cult, what did I learn about life, and my 53 years before that, what did I learn? Maybe I can write about that. Help someone some way. I don't know.

  So, I know my husband loves me very much and wants us to be together, doesn't want to live without me. I feel I could live without him and still be happy, maybe even happier with less stress - does that make me a bad person I ask myself? No. I think it just makes me a different kind of person than him, more practical, more capable, emotionally stronger. Maybe not capable of loving in that way.

  He felt he had to take sides - me or Jehovah. I guess that's one thing he took away from the Remain Loyal to Jehovah convention. It's funny, but the elder he went to to talk things over actually gave him good advice. I'm glad he went to the elders because he sure wasn't listening to me. The person you're having the problem with isn't the person who's going to help you solve the problem. I think the elders are better at helping males than females, that only makes sense. Especially males who still believe and want spiritual guidance. That also makes sense. Anyway, the advice was to leave me alone. Don't preach. Don't try to convince, etc. Keep calm. If I don't want to hear anything about it, or be "encouraged" to do anything about it, just leave me alone. If I come around to their way of thinking again, it will be because I truly want to, something I've decided to do on my own. In the meantime, nothing spiritual in our relationship. Lovely! No prayers, no meetings, no service, no talking about any of it. Lovely! No elders coming by or phoning. Lovely! You mean to tell me it's going to go back to how it was before I ever heard about TT? Well, hopefully as much as possible anyway.

  You see, that way he can have it both ways - he can have his cake and eat it too. He can have a happy wife and have his faith. And keep his hope that someday I'll come back to TT. I can have a happy life without the pressure from those guys and gals. I'll let you know how it goes. Right now I'm on a high, I'll admit. And it feels gooood!
  

  I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm mostly just blabbing but maybe someone can take something from my writings that might help them? I'll write more another time, but for now I have to go. Time's gotten away from me. Thanks for listening, luv you guys! LNO
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  17

  Bye and thanks for everything

  by LifesNotOver in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  we really went at it this weekend.

  pretty ugly!

  well at least now the air is cleared.

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  LifesNotOver

  We really went at it this weekend. Pretty ugly! Well at least now the air is cleared. Life's difficult! Different religious ideas sure make it even harder.

  I don't want to make a long story of it. I don't think the details will help anyone else. Everyone's different. I stuck to my guns no matter how crazy he sounded. He knows from previous times that if push comes to shove (not literally) I will leave him. My trump card is that he needs me more than I need him. And I am stronger and quicker. The worst thing I could have done is give in and pretend I wanted help from the elders or sisters or him, that I was simply hurt or discouraged. That I was truly sorry for having gone onto an apostate website. So not true! More later, stay tuned!😃