Posts by LifesNotOver

9

Cold war on homefront!

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

a few months back i let it be known to my husband that i was no longer interested in anything jw related.

when he took it to the elders, without actually divulging anything that might get me disfellowshipped like apostasy - well, he just basically told them i was all depressed and discouraged and everything and that i didn't want to be contacted by the elders about it.

i don't know what he actually told them, word for word, or what they actually said to him word for word, but he told me they told him not to do anything spiritual with me at home anymore - no bible study, praying, daily text, meetings via phone, jw broadcasting, discussions, etc.

LifesNotOver

A few months back I let it be known to my husband that I was no longer interested in anything JW related. When he took it to the elders, without actually divulging anything that might get me disfellowshipped like apostasy - well, he just basically told them I was all depressed and discouraged and everything and that I didn't want to be contacted by the elders about it. I don't know what he actually told them, word for word, or what they actually said to him word for word, but he told me they told him not to do anything spiritual with me at home anymore - no bible study, praying, daily text, meetings via phone, jw broadcasting, discussions, etc. He's sticking to the directions pretty well, except for the odd time when he just can't help himself and slips something in, which I try my best to ignore.

We had a couple of bad blowups when we tried to discuss my new thinking. So we try not to discuss it anymore, but we're left with nothing much to say to each other. We've had our difficulties in our marriage before this, who hasn't, right? It feels now like the only thing we had in common was our being in the org together and we were relying on that to keep us together and all we had to do was endure until the end and we'd be blessed with this happy fulfilling marriage in paradise. We used to kid that we were stuck with each other because Jehovah hates a divorcing etc. Wasn't really funny at the time, always hit a sour note with me. I remember one really bad patch we were going through just after I was baptized, and I remember it struck me so hard, thinking I wished we'd divorced before that because now we weren't "allowed" just because we were miserable together.

I can't be who I want to be while in this marriage, and it's killing me. And I'm back to having the bad dreams of ending up a bag lady on the street.

Sorry about all this blubbering, but I'm just beside myself these days! Oh, hey, if I'm beside myself I'm never really alone am I :)

Just venting, folks! Still waiting for my counselling sessions to start, a few more weeks on the waitlist I take it.

9

What is "marked"?

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

i've been curious for a while ... what is it when people type "marked" in their posts?

what does it mean and how does it work?

thanks..

LifesNotOver

I've been curious for a while ... what is it when people type "marked" in their posts? What does it mean and how does it work? Thanks.

16

I've been in love with a Jehovah Witness without knowing it for a long time, he hid it from everyone.

by sakurafeathers in

hello :) so i know this guy for almost 6 years, i met him when i was 15 and i felt in love.

now i’m 21 and he is 22. we were in the same class and got along very well and he seemed to like me too.

when i confessed, face to face he haven't admitted and he haven't denied it and he acted like he liked me too but couldn't be with me because reasons bigger than him, but i was too young to understand and he was young to handle the pressure he had.

LifesNotOver

My two cents' worth - cut your losses and move ahead with your life. I read others' posts here about him possibly fading and leaving this religion (cult). Even if he were to do that, there are no guarantees that he wouldn't choose to go back into it sometime down the road. Even though my husband had left the JWs years before I met him, he chose to rejoin 8 years after we were married, and took me with him :( He often said that "you can leave the truth, but the truth never really leaves you." He also said that when he met me he thought "here's a nice lady who is caring and kind and doesn't smoke or drink or swear - she'd make a great JW wife". That creeps me out now! In other words, he had a plan - maybe not consciously.

If the future I was contemplating had been spelled out to me like it's been spelled out to you in these posts, I'd have run for the hills. I'm making good on my promise to myself to leave this religion and I'm very proud of myself for the steps I've taken, but it's a hard hard road! It may very well mean the end of my 22 year marriage. The divide is so great now - I long for an authentically lived life again.

So, my dear, save yourself a whole lot of pain and cut yourself away. It will be painful now, but you can do it. You will be saving yourself from a much greater pain in the future. Keeping telling yourself that.

That's more than two cents' worth. I'm notorious for not taking other people's advice so I understand if you don't listen, but just know that the good people on this forum are always here for you.

48

Happiness and Freedom On A Paradise Earth?

by Disassociated Lady 2 in

at a recent meeting there was a watchtower article about life in paradise.

they were saying that even when witnesses finally get there they will still be under the strict instructions from the elders and gb.

they may be given jobs that they will find unpleasant, also the preaching work will be ongoing because of all the resurrected people who need to learn about why they are given another chance.

LifesNotOver

Carol111 - more from LifesNotOver ... blondie made some good points. In answer to your question, "they" teach that at Armageddon Jehovah is going to have Jesus and his angels kill every man, woman and CHILD who is not a loyal JW at the time. That's why is is so all-important that every person be reached with the "message". Those who aren't reached and baptized, who haven't heard of the JW's, well, too bad so sad! If a child's parents are baptized (or one parent I guess) but the child is not baptized but is too young to be held responsible, that child will be spared at Armageddon along with the baptized parent(s). Anyone whom Jehovah kills does not ever get a resurrection into paradise. So, only loyal JW's and their young children will be spared at Armageddon - everyone else on earth will die at Jehovah's hand by way of Jesus and STAY dead! Is your head spinning?? I know I'm not explaining it all that well which I'm glad for because that says to me that it makes no sense to me and why I hated door-to-door work so much because I see now that I was being told to convince someone of something that made no sense, not just made no sense to me, just made no sense period! So ... if one parent is baptized and the couple has one young child, that one parent and one young child will survive Armageddon and live in paradise on earth, but the other unbaptized parent and any older unbaptized siblings will be killed and no resurrection and no paradise on earth. Tell that to people at the door - yeah, right!!

14

Automatic log-out after a period of inactivity on this site?

by stuckinarut2 in

hi simon,.

i noticed that most financial sites like banks have an automatic log out after some time of inactivity.. could a similar thing work here perhaps?.

if someone has logged on, but not used the site for say 20 minutes, could they be logged out and have to reenter the passwords?.

LifesNotOver

If this is even a possibility, I'd like to have my say. Thanks.

48

Happiness and Freedom On A Paradise Earth?

by Disassociated Lady 2 in

at a recent meeting there was a watchtower article about life in paradise.

they were saying that even when witnesses finally get there they will still be under the strict instructions from the elders and gb.

they may be given jobs that they will find unpleasant, also the preaching work will be ongoing because of all the resurrected people who need to learn about why they are given another chance.

LifesNotOver

Carol1111 - just a point, not to be picky but kind of important. :) The teaching is that Jehovah is going to kill all Non-JW's at Armageddon permanently! no resurrection! If I misunderstood your post, sorry.

37

In love with a JW girl

by rastapau in

need advise.

i was in a relation with a jw girl for almost three years(im am not jw) and we are so inlove with each other until someone saw us from her congregation and she was disfellowed and that where the oddness happened.

her family and friends are not talking to her anymore, she wants me to stop seeing and talking to her anymore not until i became a baptized jw.

LifesNotOver

OP let this be a warning to you (if you're still reading our posts). She's chosen her religion and family and friends over you. After THREE years with you? You've already sacrificed too much! She wants things her way, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I say cut your losses - better to wake up now than later when you're baptized, married, kids maybe - think how hard that will be!

By now you might be regretting ever posting here, so much advice contrary to what your heart is telling you. I know, been there! You can't deny your heart, it has to have a say, but I believe your head should have the final say. Think, man!, think!

In any case, you'll do what you do. Either it will work out for you or it won't. You've had so much advice here but in the end ... everyone lives their own life the best they can and no one can tell anyone else for sure how things will turn out.

You can make good friends here and you can come or go as you please, read, post, whatever you like, we're always here to listen and empathize and give advice (no kidding! ) There's always someone here who will understand your struggles. You're not alone!

46

New Provision to Assist Us to Abstain From Blood - Dec KM

by truthseeker in

if you wondered whether the society would print blood cards this year, they won't.

blood cards are out.. consider the box found on the december km, entitled "new provision to assist us to abstain from blood".

the governing body has approved combining the essential elements of the durable power of attorney (dpa) document and the advance.

LifesNotOver

The elders have decreed that you must give a copy of your new blood card to the congregation secretary to keep on file. My husband is completing his as we speak. I don't know if he realizes he will be required to make a copy for the secretary. (Never mind, he'll do whatever he's told to do without question) I won't be completing my card which I do have on hand. If the elders enquire about my card, what should my husband say about it to them? He has just joined a new congregation and by default I have too. So my "report" card will be going to this new congregation. I have no idea what my report card might say about me - my husband has made it known to the old congregation elders that I don't want any calls from elders or calls from sisters - that I'm not feeling up to it. Haven't been for a few months, and they're respecting that so far. So whether I'm marked "inactive" I don't know, I would guess so. Gawleee! this business gets complicated. PS I'm sorry, I'm being lazy not to read over everyone's post and understand this. Admonish me if you wish.

So this is the scenario - husband hands a copy of his blood card to the secretary, the secretary (or another elder) asks whether his wife will be completing one and handing it in, husband says "NO", elder says why not? or she must! or something. What can I direct my husband to say? Said wife won't be completing one. Will I no longer be a JW in their eyes? Oh, maybe it will be written on my "report" card that I chose not to complete a card. I just don't know - anyone here have any idea?

My husband has asked that I keep my "apostasy" from the elders so I don't get disfellowshipped for apostasy and lose all chance of being reinstated in the future if I want. I agreed to that to keep the peace. So as far as the brothers and sisters are concerned, I'm "just not up to it" which they read as verrrry depressed! If they only knew I feel better than I have in a long long time.

There is a question here in all this mess - what can I suggest my husband say to the elders when they ask where is your wife's blood card?

Another question. I know it's answered in all your previous posts somewhere, but could we just keep it simple? I do want to have the choice of getting a blood transfusion in an emergency. I don't carry my old blood card with me (I should destroy it). If I'm incapacitated, can my husband refuse blood on my behalf? Can the elders? If they have a copy of my old blood card on file can anyone (husband or elders) use it to refuse blood for me?

I know this is a conversation my husband and I will have to have soon. Aaaaaarrrgghhh!! Okay, I'm cool ...

21

Dealing with family

by G Skero in

i'm in my mid 40's and recently started bible study and going to meetings.

my family is really having a hard time with this.

my kids that are over 18 are no longer speaking to me and won't have anything to do with me.

LifesNotOver

This may have been said already, but I would suggest strongly suggest that you refrain from your study and meeting attendance immediately! Put the whole thing on hold until you learn everything you can about these people. If you try to do both at once, the indoctrination sessions could very well win out.

And listen to what people here are telling you. We truly have your best interests at heart.

Also, hear your children out. Really consider what they're telling you. I was in my 50's, my kids in their 20's and I didn't listen to their concerns because, well, I already had been studying for a while I think and was partially indoctrinated, and of course I knew better just because I was their Mom. My daughter: Mom, I thought you were smarter than that! My son: Mom be very careful! If you change your mind they'll hound you forever, they'll never let you go! Your kids will probably be happy to talk to you again as long as you don't preach to them and tell them you're willing to listen to what they have to say and that you're giving their words at least as much weight as the JW's.

25

Blood card

by Inabunker in

hi new to forum and first post!

i have been reading posts on and off for years.

still fighting my "doubts" and struggling internally, my family is active and the wife knows nothing of my late night website reads here.

LifesNotOver

Welcome Inabunker Big step for you, posting here. I remember my first time just a couple of months ago - a bundle of nerves! Sneaking around is hard on the nerves - maybe don't wait too long to break the news to your wife. You know your marriage better than anyone, but the first words out of her mouth might be something like "And how long exactly have you been sneaking around behind my back on these apostate sites?" She could lose trust in you and feel betrayed.

I didn't know how to broach the subject with my husband, that I was on this forum. So I "accidentally on purpose" was reading on the forum on my laptop computer while sitting right next to him - all he had to do was glance over and he could see. And we were off to the races! Not pretty! I don't know if I'd do it that way again, and I'm certainly not suggesting it here, and I can second-guess myself like crazy that another approach would have resulted in a better outcome, but it is what it is .... and you know what? knowing him the way that I do, knowing myself, knowing our history - the result would have been the same no matter how I broached it - a whole lot of upset!! It was a relief, though, to get it out in the open.

Sorry if I'm off topic here ...