Posts by LifesNotOver

55

Why do ones that got out come back in?

by moreconfusedthanever in

i have not been to a meeting for about 2 years now.

i do not intend to go back but one thing has me baffled.

why do ones that have faded and been out for years return?

LifesNotOver

My thoughts (from personal experience and what worked for me) - get very serious and determined about leaving, then leave, then get yourself DF'd or write a letter of disassociation.

Fading just makes it too easy to go back in those moments of doubt or loneliness or fear.

My mother is afraid every day that I'll go back to the Witnesses (9 months since I left). That concerns me because she's been right about a lot of things about me. But when the odd fleeting thought crosses my mind, I quickly dismiss it. I've been afraid to even look at the possibility. But now when I look at it head-on, I guess I'm afraid that somewhere deep inside there are these longings that will catch up with me and drag me back in. And then I look at my life now and my life then, and this one is so much better! And when I think about the process of being re-instated, well, no thanks!

In a nutshell, this is what's been working for me to keep me out.

I lead with my heart and my heart can often get me in trouble. I remind myself to examine what my heart seems to be telling me, and then listen to my head. That's t where my intelligence lies, that's where good decision making happens.

I must add, I'm 71 and my mother just turned 98. She's amazing, and I like to think I'm getting to be much like her! Love you, Mom! She's not very well these days, in and out of the hospital, and we don't live close enough that I can just go see her. But we speak on the phone almost daily, and she's still sharp as a tack, thank goodness!

Thanks for this thread!! It prompted me to write after several months of silence. - LNO

182

Words for the Day; please share

by compound complex in

jw
friends

greetings, word lovers:.

in my job, i work with words and wrangle them into shape, well, in a manner of speaking.

one word might be mistaken for another, a word with either a similar or identical sound.

LifesNotOver

Throughout an entire talk the brother said Adultery rather than Idolatry. HA!

34

Have You Found Your Place in the World?

by Rainbow_Troll in

we were all told when we were in the watchtower that we should be grateful to be part of such a loving family.

we were told that just beyond the superficial glamour of the world was a quagmire of despair, emptiness and pain waiting to suck us in.

obviously, we took that part with a mountain of salt or we wouldn't be here today.

LifesNotOver

No, I haven`t had any such luck. And, no, I don`t have any suggestions. What I AM exploring is the idea of stopping looking for any community or group. People tell me I need to find one, that it`s not healthy to live without one and to be without friends.. I wonder, though. I`m happy currently living my life doing what pleases me. I`m not hurting anyone. It`s been 7 months since I left any so-called friends, left my so-called husband, left my town for a new one, left the JWs. I`m most definitely an introvert. Anyone else here stopped looking to make friends or stop trying to find a group or community.

21

I need your opinions and recommendations please.

by bola in

after my exit from the watchtower shunning cult, i have received tons of invitations from different churches.

but because i am aware of religious cults, i need recommendations of churches that are not cults at all.

after exiting the watchtower cult, i don't want to fall into another religious cults.

LifesNotOver

Pete Zahut said: "The watchtower organization ruined me for religion and God." I'm taking that phrase into therapy with me, if I may. So well puts into just a few words exactly how I'm thinking and feeling these days. Even seeing "god" capitalized makes me shudder with distaste.

6

Test yourself...Which Religion Best Suits You, what non religion best suits you.

by Giordano in

since we have had so many joining up while others have changed their thinking it doesn't hurt to see where we stand now .. this 20 question test is not the definitive test but it may be revealing or affirming....... find out where your religious or nonreligious comfort range is.. i just took it and my #1 choice was that i was a secular humanist.

being a jw was #24........ way way down the list.. www.playbuzz.com/benjaminbirely10/which-religion-best-suits-you.

you start by clicking on the general statement that is closest to how you think.

LifesNotOver

Atheism: Error 404: God not found

36

Sample Disassociation Letter please?

by LifesNotOver in

i want to send a disassociation letter to the elders at my old congregation.

how do i address it and what wording do i use?

i know it's not something i have to do, it's symbolic for me.

LifesNotOver

The way I look at it is this - if you want a divorce from someone it's not just good enough to say "I'm done with you", you need to do it officially or it isn't real. You have to "play their game", complete the forms, pay the filing fees, get your grounds, etc. And it feels a whole lot better to be the one in charge and instigate the divorce proceedings, than be the one sitting passively by being served with papers. Only when the divorce is final are you truly free and can you truly move on. See where I'm going with this? That's my opinion, anyway. So I'm drafting a letter of disassociation to send to the Elders at my old congregation, just a few lines. Thanks for all your suggestions.

And, yes, I'm starting divorce proceedings from my husband as well. Good times all around. I only wish I could simply send him a letter and it would be done, but I have to "play their game" wink wink

36

Sample Disassociation Letter please?

by LifesNotOver in

i want to send a disassociation letter to the elders at my old congregation.

how do i address it and what wording do i use?

i know it's not something i have to do, it's symbolic for me.

LifesNotOver

Thanks! Short and simple. Of course! I have this way of complicating things. I don't need to get anything off my chest, particularly. Just want to "formally" get my name off any lists or anything.

36

Sample Disassociation Letter please?

by LifesNotOver in

i want to send a disassociation letter to the elders at my old congregation.

how do i address it and what wording do i use?

i know it's not something i have to do, it's symbolic for me.

LifesNotOver

I want to send a disassociation letter to the elders at my old congregation. How do I address it and what wording do I use? Thanks for your help. I know it's not something I HAVE to do, it's symbolic for me. What I'd love to do is burn down the Kingdom Hall, now that would be symbolic! How cathartic would that be, right?

12

Guilt as Motivator

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

i've just come across this idea: i've been feeling guilty about not contributing more to this forum, given all the help i've received here.

i feel guilty that i haven't had it as bad as so many of you.

i feel guilty that i didn't have any jw family/friends that shunned me when i left.

LifesNotOver

Reading over my OP this morning and seeing what others see. I sounded like a crazy person. Thank you, Saethydd and kpop. I agree I need professional help. I just wanted to move on with my life, kind of skipping through life and being happy and joyful and making new friends. Holding onto that high and feeling of power I experienced when I first left the JWs, my husband, and my town. And reclaimed my extended non-JW family. And moved closer to my son and daughter and grandchildren. Living joyfully is not something that can be done so easily, as it turns out, not something that can be done simply using willpower and wishpower if there is such a thing.

I have been in group therapy the last eight weeks, this being the last week, and it's been helpful, but now is bringing up deeper issues that I'll be dealing with on my own unless I get some help.

12

Guilt as Motivator

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

i've just come across this idea: i've been feeling guilty about not contributing more to this forum, given all the help i've received here.

i feel guilty that i haven't had it as bad as so many of you.

i feel guilty that i didn't have any jw family/friends that shunned me when i left.

LifesNotOver

I've just come across this idea: I've been feeling guilty about not contributing more to this forum, given all the help I've received here. I feel guilty that I haven't had it as bad as so many of you. I feel guilty that I didn't have any JW family/friends that shunned me when I left. I feel guilty that I wasn't born in and had a so-called normal childhood and adulthood until I became a JW in my mid-fifties. I feel guilty that I had the strength to leave the JW's, my husband and my town. I feel guilty that I get to start my life anew. I feel guilty - not wanting to give back to this community. Just wanting to move on and live my life. Wanting to not only leave the JW's but the ex-JW's. No longer wanting to identify as an ex-JW.

Is this part of the FOG? I don't want to live my life in reaction to my guilty feelings. I don't even know what that would look like, to live a life not reacting to some imaginary guilt. I've felt guilty for some reason or another all my life. My biggest decisions have been made as a result of guilt. This all goes very deep. What am I getting at here? I'm just starting to examine this concept. I'm opening this to discussion if anyone wants to go there. Maybe with some suggestions for books on the subject? Or some words of personal experience? Thanks!