Posts by Sentinel

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

gb,

I'm so sorry for your loss...to lose a mate is very devestating.

Along with your last post here, I left on my own accord in 1981, knowing what it would cost me. I was at one of those personal turning points in life. I was very messed up. I hated religion in general, which is really NOT a bad thing. But, then, I really had no support group. My sibblings had dispersed to very far away. I lost the friends of my youth, and the JW family. This was a big loss for me, as I had many dear friends.

Mom sent me a letter that had about ten basic questions. Did I believe Jehovah was the true god? Did I believe Jesus was his son, etc.? Did I believe god had an organization on earth, the WT society, acting as the dispensing agent for spiritual knowledge? Blah, Blah, etc. I answered each question (like a good daughter, basically telling her I didn't know what I believed anymore) Well, that was that. Cut off totally.

I had many guilt feelings, and thought, like you, that it was something terrible in me, that made me think these awful thoughts. But, in essence, no matter how I was thinking, I had to honor myself or else lose my mind. After a short period of time, my friends left me high and dry. They were frightened, and I didn't push the issue.

Like you, I lived from 1981, until around '99, when my studies of psychology, affects of cults, religions, the self analysis finally kicked in. I was the one who had been my own worst enemy, because I continued to "punnish" myself all those years.

It feels so wonderful to acknowledge my own self. To know that I am a worthy human being. I have slowly regained some very old childhood friendships, from before I was baptized in '60. These are some of my truest friends, because they welcomed me back. My mother speaks to me now, but it's all very shallow, very empty. I want to make her respect me as an adult, but she will never do that.

Well, I'm off to get ready to sleep peaceful sleep, and dream peaceful dreams. Tomorrow is another work day!

See Ya,

Karen/Sentinel

6

devil in church

by carolbell in

i was watching my daughters children last year.

thy were going to vacation bible school.

my son who is a j.w.

Sentinel

Hello Carolbell,

Your subject really drew me back into some old memories about being a JW, and not being allowed to attend another Church function as a guest, or attend a funeral, or a wedding. I too, was told that it was a haven for demons. So, needless to say, I sure stayed away at all costs. What control they had over me, but then, on the other hand, "those demons" were sure scarry, and they were just waiting for an opportunity for you to show some kind of "weakness" so they could get into your mind and control you. Such bull!

When I left JW's, attending another Church never occured to me, and this was because I put my bible, the only one I had, in a box and hid it away. It was the only thing I kept. I totally threw out all books, literature, etc. I sure didn't want to donate it to Good Will, or Salvation Army. Anyway, I just kept totally away from religious events. I didn't trust any of them, and I thought I was going to die at the time anyway for leaving the org, so it never came up.

When I met my present husband, he tried to get me into his Church, denomination is unimportant. Fact is, I about lost it. We went in and sat down, and I was absolute frightened to death. I began to shake and then to cry. We tried it one other time and that didn't work either. By that time, we had discussed my past in detail, and he never went back to his Church. For awhile, I felt really guilty, but hey, that was his decision. We got married in the Clerk's office of the Courthouse. By that time, we were both done with organized religious dogma.

It's so nice to be free isn't it? Remembering how I used to be always on guard, full of so much worry and stress, is sad, considering how long it has taken me to get past all that.

Thanks again. Will look for you on here.

Peace,

Karen/Sentinel

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

Panda,

Thanks for the heartfelt reply. Actually, I haven't been "free" for very long. As recent as last October, I would cringe when mom would begin her "you're doomed to die" routine. I would allow doubt and guilt to creep back in. That perhaps JW's were right, and my heart was blinded to the truth, and I would die, just like she said. I hated the hold it had on me. The hold I allowed it to have. But, in November, I just decided that I really had a choice, and so if I allowed myself this pain, it wouldn't go away. Now it all sounds so simple, but for me, it was a personal realization, a spurt in growth. I am still, by nature, extremely guarded in many respects. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve.

I would like to get to know you in friendship as well. I am certain we will continue to observe each other's responses to postings, and understand more about each other as time goes by.

I hope to see more from you in this site.

Friend,

Karen/Sentinel

21

New Date for Armageddon - 2015

by Dawn in

jw
friends

the following is a message from another jw forum i visited:.

i came across a scripture (genesis 15:16) which says that god's people would return "in the fourth generation".

true, it doesn't say where in the fourth generation but as they were to be in egypt for 430 years then if they return in the fourth we're looking at generations being divided up into approx.

Sentinel

Hello Dawn,

Actually, aside from any NEW information or enlightenment from the borg, I have discovered in my research of the Mayan calendar, that our universe is on the verge of something quite spectaculor in the year 2012. It seems the planets are aligning, and this new planet, just now coming back into our galaxy is of great interest to NASA. I am believing with all my heart that rather than all non JW's being destroyed, we will all be awakened to our individual souls purpose for being here in the first place.

There is so much out there.

Take from the good, and leave the rest.

Friend,

Karen/Sentinel

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

Dear Billygoat,

Well, gal, you are on your way. That self-esteem thing is a real drag. I was in a very bad co-dependent relationship in my first marriage, and stayed there, because the Elders said that I had to "catch him commiting adultery". Imagine me wanted to catch him doing that. It was bad enough knowing he did. But, I stayed for 14 yrs of unhappiness and low self worth. I felt like I had no choice, or I'd be labeled. Then, when I finally left, he killed himself. I hated him for that--but I never stopped loving him. I was abusing myself emotionally for along time.

It does take a long time to find ourselves. Like I indicated in a previous post, I'm 55, and I just recently feel spiritually renewed WITHOUT RELIGION, THANK YOU. I am so very happy that you have found love. Me too. I remarried in 1985 to a wonderful fellow, and we are like two peas in a pod.

Life is good now. I wake up in the morning happy to be alive, no matter what's going on. Life is never fair. But life is good, and we can always share our happiness and our love with anyone who is on here that needs a bit of lift. I don't have all the answers, but I've found a few, and for me, it's made all the difference in the world.

Hope to hear more from you.

Peace and Love,

Karen/Sentinel

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

Dear gb,

Oh, but I have been to your site since my last post here. I find it intreguing. Dispite all your suffereing, you maintain a sense of humor!

Your childhood is so much like my own. I grew up in Maryland. Most of the childhood I remember is when we lived in the old four room tenant house on my dad's parents dairy farm. We had no running water, and no bath. We had electricity, but only one outlet per room. We had the same type of heating arrangement you did. KEEP FROM FREEZING, and that was it. I still remember, the snow sifting in under our bedroom windows.I remember carrying water from the springhouse, usually after a frightening experience with the snake that always seemed to be there, when it was my turn to draw it up.Sled riding, climbing trees, building forts, hunting for blackberries was a delight. Those days were so simple....

My father could have done better by my mom, but he was very much into himself. I never had a relationship with him, although I always tried my best to get his attention in good ways. I studied hard in school, and was a good girl. It made little or no impression upon him. He was not a hands on dad to his daughters, and we all did what we had to just to get him to "see" us. I had two younger sisters and a brother. Our happiest memories are from that old tenant house, that was torn down a couple years ago. I really can't blame my mom for clinging to some nice people who did so much for us. Everything was quite fine, until we were baptized. Everything was about numbers after that.

Things were not normal in our family, but then who's is? Children seem to perceive things that carry with them their entire life. Cognition ingrains our minds, and so we are molded. When mom found JW's, or shall I say, they found us, she was like a sponge, and I eagerly followed along. My sibblings had to go as well, because, our dad never was there for us. I often wonder what our life would have been like, had he played a bigger part. Oh well.

First of all, life is unfair. I didn't realize that so much until I became a JW at age 14. I grew up on fairytales and fantasies, and always thought that if I was a good girl, that good things would happen to me. I kept waiting for the good things, and was constantly disappointed. I was lonely and sad most of the time. I was always a very deep thinker, and the more I pondered over "the truth", the more I realized that "it just wasn't". That was one of the most cruelest things I learned.

I took "the truth" seriously. Was I not meant to do that? Others that I know were not affected as deeply. Does that mean that they were not as serious as I was? Who knows. When I was disfellowshipped in '68, I wanted to kill myself, but I couldn't. I clung to the boy who showed me what womanhood was all about. (I didn't have barely a clue) Then, we got married and I had a son. I thought at last I've done something right. Actually, he is doing quite well now, at age 32. My first husband chose suicide as his exit. That is a terrible wound to my heart that will always be there.

I remarried a wonderful man with three boys to care for. They are all grown now, and grandkids are happening, which is great. He has been very supportive through my ups and downs, as I have with him. Everyone has these weights they drag with them through life.

Well, you see, we are really not so different after all. When I say that I don't judge people, it means that I leave them to themselves, unless they get in my face. I have no problem taking up for a good cause, but don't like to push the issue myself. I don't react well when cornered. Smile ~~

I find that the ole golden rule works well for me. I'm done with turning the other cheek!

Thanks for your personal site. I enjoyed your thoughts.

Hope to see you again here.

Friend,

Karen/Sentinel

7

I was on jury duty with M. Lewinsky

by Soledad in

last thursday.

i happened to see some tabloid reports stating that she went home in tears blah blah.

just to share my experience with her she did basically state that she distrusted the judicial system and there was a lawyer that seemed to question her rather harshly imo but she's not all the tabloids really make her out to be (this was not the first time we had met btw).

Sentinel

To All,

I'm new at posting, so I'm skipping through here, just responding here and there where something sparks me.

Ms Lewinsky and Ms Bobbit probably never were JW's. BUT, if they were, THEY SURE AS HECK AREN'T NOW. Smilin Atcha~~

Observing LIfe,

Karen

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

Hello Brian,

Yes, it's really not easy to spill your guts. I mean, people out in the world never understood it when I'd tell them some of the awful stuff going on, especially when I was being shunned by my mom, sibblings and friends. They would sympathize, but quickly just tell me to "find another religion" that doesn't require so much from me. Problem solved. Only, they just didn't understand.

The thing is, and we all know this to be true, is that we were borg, and in being indoctrinated to the point where I was, I didn't know that I had choices. They were all made for me. It's all about control. And, that's what a cult is. Even when I doubted, it took me years to just physically "get out". Getting out "mentally" took another twenty. It took me so long because it was in my nature to internalize my situation, plus I had other major stuff going on, life the suicide of my husband, which was major, major in the guilt department.

For me, I just kept trying to control everything, and the more I tried to control things, the worse things got. One day, I just "let go". What a buzz I got. It's been great ever since.

Being a JW taught me lots of things. It taught me scripture, inside and out, at least their location. Proper understanding is something else again. I view those writings more in a historical context now, which has opened up all sorts of possibilities in other areas of my thought processes.

Just remember, that you no longer have to meet the rigid controls of "the org", and you can now enjoy your life and live it, instead of simply existing.

You have an honest heart. Everything else will fall into place. You aren't alone!

Hope to hear from you again.

Karen/Sentinel

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

LisaBObeesa,

Thanks for your post. I know that this initial "ravaging" of sites and "posting like crazy" will subside for me as well.

It's just such a great place to be. We all understand what the cult did to us, and is still doing to us--otherwise, we probably wouldn't be on here. We are wounded, and we have scars. Even if we have healed, the scars will always be with us. This is the place to soothe ourselves, to open up, to speak out, speak up, and "listen".

Peace,

Karen/Sentinel

32

Finding out Who you really are

by Sentinel in

good morning everyone,.

i'm very new on here--just "born yesterday", as a matter of fact, but am finding out how wonderful it is to be able to be free to express thoughts and opinions, share ideas, give comfort, and find hope, within "these walls".. i'm going to ask a question, and that is, how long did it take any of you souls out there to find your true self, after leaving jw's?

i was very young when i was first introduced to the studies of jw's.

Sentinel

Hi SweePea,

It's so good to see you here. Because this is a place full of comfort, hope and friendship.

And, it's great that we are the same age.

Each of us have traveled our own path to get to this place, so I will certainly look forward to your posting of your story.

I too, find it so difficult that family would total shun their own. This has been so painful for me over the years, especially during the twelve years that my dear, sweet, little mom totally turned her back on me. And, in turning her back on me, she turned her back on her oldest grandson. And, I was not DF'd then. True, I had written a letter to the congr. and to the hqrtrs in NY asking that my name be removed, but she chose to be judge and jury.

I just got done speaking with her on the phone, as she lives in FL, and I am in Northern VA. A recent incident made me try to get one point across to her, and that is, Yes, mom, your daughter is very happy. She still considers me as "the living dead", just waiting to be killed off at armegeddon--by my own choice. At 78, she will never change.

Hope to see your post on here soon. I think we'd have lots to share.

Love and Light,

Karen/Sentinel