I realized the bondage I was under as one of Jehovah's witnesses and left the organization. It pressed fear, paranoia, and even anger in me that I wasn't used to. I started to resent being one. I started to see the hate that they inflict on others, private parties, helping out only those who are good enough or spiritual enough as if they could read the hearts of everyone. I had forgotten what it was like to feel the spiritual feeling after going to church and nothing could come between the inner peace I felt with God that day and looking forward to going again soon. I never had that in a kingdom hall. I only went for 6 years, but as time went on I became physically sick just thinking about going. Listening to the idol gossip about who is spiritually sick and what I needed to work on next. Most of the women were pushing what new depression medications were on the market. Or gorging themselves with chocolate and food then sleeping on and off all day. Like they were escaping from something but not knowing what. I know what. Since I have left, I have felt free. I have been off of antidepressants. I have lost wieght, and felt good about myself and surrounded myself with people who were kind even to their enemies. I have been hugged for being kind to the poor on the street and the elderly in homes instead of being told they weren't worth the pearls. I'm not judging, I am rejoicing. It is true, the truth will set you free. God judges our hearts and I have realized that its not a name that will save you or make you one of God's people. It is your heart, the way you treat others, the love and respect you show that will pull you closer to God. Not a name. Jehovah's witnesses should see the scripture about casting out demons in His name and yet they do not know him. They see the history, and know the scriptures but they lack in the peacefullness, loving kindness, and forgiveness. They are amongst their own enemies and I feel very sad for them. When they shun me for leaving I say to them, I still love you and will always be here for you, no matter what. That, is love.
Thanks to this site and reading some responses to other letters I thought my thoughts and feelings my help someone else who has left to realize we are not demonic, or insane, we just saw that this was not the true religion and we got out. They tell you that when you have been a witness for awhile you start seeing that other brothers and sisters aren't perfect and you should just forgive but then they tell you to shun others. We are suppose to love and be kind. Its very lonely for some who have lost family members, friends and loved ones from being shunned. My husband is a witness still. But he lives in fear wondering when it will cause problems between him and I. I will fight for my husband and my kids. I don't want them to have to go through realizing that most witnesses are not true friends in the end.
