I've recently been thinking a lot about this. I've been out for 3 years. At first I was so pushed by the andrenaline to have a new life I didn't much let my lost relationship with my family, especially my parents, affect me. About a year and a half after being away I really began to feel the effects of all that I had gone through. It launched me into a depression that manifested itself by uncontrollable crying, no sobbing, every month, then every couple of weeks.
I dealt with my parents by first writing them a long letter which explained my actions. In it I also reaffirmed my unconditional love for them and my desire to receive that in return. Three months later we had a meeting at my house in which they plainly stated that I was not acceptable to them while not a JW. The conversation ended with them walking out of my place, not saying a word, not even a goodbye. My mother threw a 5 page letter on the table on the way out that was full of every guilt trip imaginable. I never thought a mother could express such mean and vengeful words to her own daughter.
Starting at that moment I realized that my parents were not capable due to thier association with the Borg to love me unconditionally. And I realized that I didn't need people like that in my life.
Although as time has passed things have gotten a little better, (I last saw them in August when they even came to my house of sin w/ Nick and went out to dinner with us and had a postive time) I find that I don't miss them anywhere near how I used to. Despite our last encounter being a good one, I don't have much of a desire to call or see them. The longer we don't have a relationship, the less I miss it.
It's very important to me now to have people in my life that love me for me. Whatever that is! Whether they agree with me or not! That's what unconditional love is. I don't want anyone in my life that cannot give me that. I've gone through too much to finally learn how to love myself to let anyone, especially my parents, disrespect me like that.
Now I've come to view them as simply my biological parents. Sadly we no longer have anything in common and they have no desire to make that better. I will continue to perform my duty as a daughter and look after them from time to time and be there to help if ever called upon. But other than that they are usually always referred to in the past tense, like a childhood friend that you kinda wonder where they are now but mostly dwell on those fun times you had all those years ago. That's all I have with my parents, all those years ago that feel like a completely different person to me now.
Do I love them? Sure, but it's not the same love. Do I miss them? Sure, but if I can't share anything about my wonderful life now, what's the point? As they are, I have no use for them. Perhaps I've lost my own unconditional love for them. Perhaps that's what was crucial in allowing me to move on with my life without them.
How sad that I had to give that up! But how empowering that I was able to do it! It's always a double-edged sword!
Shauna