Welcome UFC fan. Not sure how old you are, but its good to know you need to have full mind capacity to live a good life, when you are so young. Use it. Learn all you can. That way when the time coems for you to go, you can do so with a future ahead of you.
Stuckinarut 2,
Your feelings mimic my own at one point so much I might as well be stuckinarut 1. One thing you can for sure do.....is stop being an MS.
My "removal" because I strted getting beligerant apparently, was just the push I needed to sever the ongoing habitual grind. I don't know your curcumstances, or if you are trying to get family out etc...., but be smart about it, and you can still be "in" but express a bit of your freedom. being an MS that is hard.