an e-mail my brother sent me.
please note i do not have balls.
>replacement of mouse balls.
Amazing has thr right idea. Clean balls are essential. Sometimes there is too much dirt and crud, and the balls should be cleaned thoroughly. You should also watch for stray hairs on your balls as they may cause sporatic movement of your pointer.I use to enjoy washing my balls, but now there is no need. The ball has been replaced by a infared light beam. Ah...how I miss the days when I could wash my balls.
Slayer
dont you think that it is stupid when you hear the dubs say that all appointments are made by the jehovahs holy spirit?.
how many times have you heard of elders/ms etc.
that were commiting all sorts of wrong doings while at the same time serving and passing judgement on others.. i remember when i was appointed ms there was a brother that was appointed at the same time, that accepted the assignment and served for almost a year before they found out he was commiting adultery all the while.. then you have the pedophiles that operate within the congregation some being elders etc.. i know for a fact that i could be a fornicator/drug user/closet queer/ are anything bad and keep it secret and i could move up the ranks as high as i pleased.. hell i could even be a undercover apostate/fornicator/all of the above and still get appointed if i kissed enough ass.. i could pioneer and lie about the hours,they would never figure it out.
Balaam's ass that spoke by holy spirit
That wasn't holy spirit, that was refried beans. They make my ass speak all the time.
Slayer
woman:"I'm busy"
borg:"Busy is irrelovent"
woman:"Well then, I'm not interested"
borg:"interest is irrelovent"
woman:"I have my own religion"
borg:"religion is irrelovent"
borg:"You will lower your shields, and submit to a free home bible study. Resistance is futile."
woman:"But I don't want a bible study"
borg:"Why do you resist? We bring order to chaos. We will add your biological and theological distinctivness to our own."
borg:"You will adapt to the ways of the Watchtower."
ok ok so I'm just rambling now and it isn't even that funny. I'll quit while I'm ahead.
Slayer
bboyneko,
I'm not signed on anyomore. It's been a couple of years since I was in Hollywood. While I was there I was in an episode of "News Radio". I met Phil Hartman before he died. He was awesome.We did Bill Clinton impressions for each other. lol. Andy Dick was really cool too. As far as movies go, I was in "Super Dave: The Movie" and "Baseketball" Both of which all I did was sit in the bleachers to fill the audience.
I used to go karaoke on Sunset Blvd. Once I was singing and when I got off the stage I noticed that Mario Van Peebles was sitting at the table next to mine. He liked my singing and had bought me another beer. I talked him into singing with me! It was the coolest experience!
Dave,
Yes I was in Scooby Doo. I tried to rob a bank. I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids!
SLAYERLAYERLAYER!!!!!!!
for those who don't know what a buckeye is, it is the state tree of ohio.
it also grows in michigan, but most michiganders try to kill them off and burn them at ohio state - michigan football games when ohio state loses.
the buckey tree produces brown fruit that look like a chestnut, except they are poisonous.
I lived in New Lexington and Zanesville, OH for about a year. I miss it up there. I'm back in my home state of South Carolina now.
Slayer
(to all faith drunk christian heathens;read this twice and sober up).
a quick ten minute slam of christianity.
we can see that god is powerless to forgive sins without killing something in the process.
Excellent post Jim. I would love to see someone try to address these issues without all the "we have to have faith" bullshit. Address these facts with facts.
SlayerLayer---God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the snowy mountains and I had to eat him.
questions from readers.
is it scriptural to trim nose hair?.
a christian is governed by conscience.
You make an interesting point Thirdson. I've done a little research and found this:
I do believe that as long as we only use a hair fraction, that it may be left to our conscience. Of course, while this may be a conscience matter, we would want to weigh our decision very carefully. Prayer to our loving father Jehovah, should guide you in your decision.
SlayerLayer---God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the snowy mountains and I had to eat him.
did you used to get people in your cong that were more sensitive to the demonic influences than others.some people just used to get bad feelings about an innocious piece of music.a tears for fears song did it for one of my old friends.then there are others that sense a satanic presence around inanimate objects.. satan was everywhere and in everything.kate bush was a witch - so was the girl out of fleetwood mac.some records had secret messages that if you tilted your head and turned three times said "worship satan" .
there probably are such messages in metal music but they used to be so paranoid it reached ridiculous levels.
"don't you hear it - listen again but slow it down more" .
Because of how ridiculous this story is, I have to tell you now that is absolutely TRUE.
One day I received a phone call from one of my "friends". He seemed really upset. It sounded as if someone was listening in on another phone, but I wasn't sure. He said "You know how you're family had those problems with demons?" (search for one of the demon threads to read about that) I said "Uh...yeah".
He said "Well, ever since you visited, things keep disappearing around the house. I couldn't find my keys this morning, and some milk is missing from the jug."
I lost it. I laughed my ass off. Milk? I thought he was just kidding around with me. That's when the eavesdropper made his presence known.It was an elder. He said "Chris, demons are no laughing matter! You of all people should know that!"
I was still laughing. At this point I thought that the elder was in on the joke as well. He was a friend of mine too.
My continued laughter really upset them both. The elder said that obviously I was still having problems with demons and that they were influencing me.That's when I realized that they wern't kidding.
I said "You lost your keys and drank too much milk, therefore my visit at your house must've invited demons?" The elder said that obviously we wern't getting anywhere and that we should have a meeting with the brothers.
I said "This is really really lame" and hung up the phone. There was never any meeting. I guess the elders thought it was as ridiculous as I did. The two "brothers" never spoke to me again.
Slayer
I've been an extra in two movies and three tv shows. Does that count?
questions from readers.
is it scriptural to trim nose hair?.
a christian is governed by conscience.
Thirdson:
We are not to eat hair. Do you not remove a hair found in your food? How detestable if the hair you found in your dinner belonged to someone else! Therefore, since we do not eat hair, one must logicaly conclude that we wouldn't transplant hair either! As true christians, we would let our family members go bald before we accepted a hair transplant.
Slayer
