Joel,
You mean a lot to us cyber-people here, and I imagine you mean far much more to people who know you in the "real world." I've seen your website, and you look like a very kind caring type of individual that would be easy to love in real life. I care about you a lot and I haven't even met you. You are just words on a screen to me physically, but emotionally and spiritually you are much more to me. Your words touch me and affect me very much. When I first came here you were very supportive and very good to me. I would love to meet you for real, but we have a whole continent between us.
I too went through a period of dark depression. I came very close to ending it and only my husband's intercession prevented my attempts from succeeding. My doctor had tried several meds, but they weren't working. Then my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist who specialized in depression. She was able to determine exactly which meds would work best for the depression I had. I have been on them for about 5 years now, and along with therapy, I am doing so much better. True, I still have some down days, but nothing like it was, and I know it is only temporary until the pills lift me back up and out of the darkness again. I feel good far more than I feel bad, and that gives me a reason to go on now.
Have your doctor refer you to a doctor or clinic that specializes in depression. It worked for me and it is my fervent hope that they can find the right meds to work for you.
Tammy