Discussion With My Dad...Ended Badly.

by Valis 57 Replies latest jw friends

  • Valis
    Valis

    Some of you may know that my parents were expected for "dinner" on Thanksgiving day. Well I really don't think its going to happen now. I called my dad last night becuase my mother, now visiting my kids in South Texas and bringing them here to see me, said they had "stuff to do on Thursday". Well when I asked what that stuff was I was informed that they wouldn't be coming, most specificaly because I had been associating w/Apostates (what am I chopped liver?) and protesting the WTBTS publicly. I asked him how he knew and he was informed by the CO, which must have made him uncomfortable being an MS and all..eheh..Anyway, I told him there was no difference in my stand and those XJWs that I have made my friends. He then went on to say I was making it hard for him because both of his sons were going to die. I said huh? Oh you mean in Armageddon and he said "exactly"...I just had to laugh and ask him if he really thought he was going to live forever...again I couldn't help but laugh. He proceeded to ask me why I was so interested in it all and why I was hanging out w/ those as he put it "people who were mad at the organization because things didn't go their way". I went on to explain to him about the Silentlambs issues, which he claimed that something like that would never happen in his congregation (he got macho about it), the ludicrous notion of the blood doctrine, at which point he made it a point to tell me how important a part of the new covenant the abstinence from blood is (I could use some help w/this one for any of the scholarly class out there)...yeah right...I asked him if the entire congo would be informed of a pedophile in their presence...he said yes and that everyone would know anyway, because of the restrictions placed on them, but I dogged him on it and got him to admit that no they wouldn't warn the entire congo say at a meeting. I also mentioned the fact that I would by no means have my kids go to a KH again nor would I have them preached to EVER, which I could tell ruffled his feathers, as I mentoned to him that if he decided to cut me off then my children would not be accessible to either he or my mother. At this point I also gave him an earfull about shunning and then had to give him a lesson on the meaning of Apostate and that yes indeed I was one and that wasn't going to change. He maintains that shunning is a personal descision to which I retorted that if everything is a "personal descision" then why was it necessary to go to meeting 3 times a week? And furthermore, I finally admitted to him several things like the fact that I thought it was all crap from an early age and I absolutely hated going in service, not to mention studying. He said oh it only takes up about 5 hours a week....whatever dude. To make a long sad story short I don't think they will be coming for Thanksgiving, which would have been very cool and almost like having a real family for once. Thanks for listening and have a good day.

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • Robdar
    Robdar

    (((((((((Valis))))))))

    I don't know what to say so I will give you some lovins and wish you well. Please keep us informed.

    Love,

    Robyn

  • NameWithheld
    NameWithheld

    Valis, sorry to hear that the holiday plans aren't working out. I sometimes wish I could go ahead and have the above conversation w/ my family - I hate pretending / ignoring what I know about the JW religion when I'm around them. But for their sake (not forcing them to have to shun me - how $#%&ed is that?!) I keep my trap shut. I bet it is a weight off to have been able to tell him much of that stuff. I felt the same way as a child. Hated every minute of FS and meetings.

  • JT
    JT

    sounds like your intentions were good but your methods were not the best-

    in the almost 7yrs of being on the net i have only seen about 3 or 4 folks who were able to come out with both barrels blasting and actually keep the lines of communication open

    most in my exp got the same results that you did

    with the programming that the avg jw has recieved for years - jw shut down quicker than an ATM machine on the 3rd wrong try of your pin number-

    the direct approach rarely works esp if the person is not already on their way out or at least searching or questioning, if they are dyed in the wool and looking forward to being an Elder one day

    like you dad is since he is now a MS it is usually more productive to start slow and work your way up-

    the same way you became a jw is how you will leave in most cases

    few of us got baptized after just ONE HOME BIBLE STUDY

    it took a period of time for them to deeeply implant those dogmas and i guess my point is it will take time on your part and our part to help family and friends get those deeply entrenched dogmas out

    just my 2

  • Valis
    Valis

    JT, I didn't inittiate any of it and would have rather not discussed it at all. I have no illusions about getting my parents out, but having a normal family would be nice. He started in on me, not the other way around. Thanks for all your comments.

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • pettygrudger
    pettygrudger

    ((Valis))

    Hitting it ALL at once must have made it difficult. So many topics covered! (except the UN thing). Its amazing - they have answers for everything & it almost makes sense - until you look at it logically.

    Its funny - I've never met an "Apostate" yet that didn't want just one simple thing - a normal loving family. And yet, we're the ones who are following "Satan", they by denying this are following "God and Jesus". I'll never figure it out.

    I hope you are able to find a way to have a happy holiday regardless, and hoping your father changes his mind.

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    Valis,

    You may find that your determination makes your parents sit up and think a little. I did something similar yonks ago, then followed it up with a letter re-iterating what I had said. There was several months silence, then communiction lines suddenly opened up again. I didn't do any of the "I will always love you" stuff either, I think that if I had they would have held it over me.

    Englishman.

  • Valis
    Valis

    Greetings Eman, I told him that I loved him...he can't hold anything over my head because I won't let him...I also stated that discussing religion wasn't that important to me and would gladly not say a word about anything JW related if they would come to "dinner".

    Petty, I probablybly shouldn't have unloaded on him, but it was kind of like a dam when just the perfect, or not, rock was kicked out of place. *sighs*

    When we were discussing the Silentlambs issue he brought up the elder's manual I also mentioned that it was online to which he claimed that couldn't be...another good laugh indeed.

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • cornish
    cornish

    Valis

    It may be true that coming out with both barrels blastin is not the best way to build bridges but when we are put on the spot and others try to tell us who we can and cant associate with,even relatives,you are put on the spot a little and their is no easy way to say ,'mind your own damn buisness'. Some witnesses even relatives very close to us can be very confontrational and beligerently defensive and almost demand that we grovel in profuse apology for doing the right thing,It is very difficult in that situation,I have been in a very similar situation.

    Edited by - cornish on 26 November 2002 11:23:30

  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    Valis, I struggled with my parents like that for years before they died! It's like going up against a brick wall! I'm sorry buddy! I know it's tough! If you lived closer, you'd have to come eat a turkey with me and CC!

    Give it time. I'd like to be able to tell you that you may have changed their mind, but I can't, but what I can say is, that they probably feel bad about this too! They really don't realize what they're doing, if you think about it! They are so brainwashed, they can't even see reason. They just don't get it!

    Hang in there!

    Santa's coming soon!!!

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