Hi Maybeso, I only just noticed this thread. Welcome.
I have only recently learned TTATT so I know how hard it is and what a rollercoaster ride you are on. It is terrible feeling to have your foundations ripped from under you. It is like you are mourning the death of something. Everything you thought to be true just crumbling away in your hands.
I can remember sitting in the KH last November, and thinking that I need to stop researching my religion and just get serious in 'the truth'. The familiar feel of the KH and the friends there had me feeling kinda secure or something. I resolved in my chair that night that I was going to stick with 'the truth'..... that feeling didn't last more than a day, as I simply couldn't ignore the things that I had learned.
It is still strange for my wife and I even now, to realize TTATT and the fact we don't have all the answers. The WT offers answers, but they are not very satisfying, and prove to be false when scrutinized. On top of that they are extremely demanding of your time, and also induce fear and guilt.
Anyway thanks for sharing. All the best with everything. Good luck on that talk #3