You should film this act of infringement of your human rights.
Anyway, congratulations! Cheers
Skedaddle
JoinedPosts by Skedaddle
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25
This Thursday they are going to announce my disfellowshipping and I don't give a $%^&
by Harvard Illiterate 411 inhubby is on my team.
i know i'm going to be way happier.
i might even meet up with the apostafest in colorado with you guys.
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19
Chronic relapse - what do I do?
by wayoutthere inmy first post here and unfortunately it is asking for help.. i was a born in jehovah's witness and from my earliest memories, i know i hated being one.
i hated the embarrassment of being the "outsider" at school and i hated not being allowed to have any friends.
of course i had the obligatory friends in the kingdom hall - none of whom were my age exactly and none of whom i would have personally chosen to be friends with if i had been left to pick them myself in a natural setting.
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Skedaddle
Hello wayoutthere,
(firstly I want to point out that these are just my observations, not a therapists so I may be wrong.)
The panic attack and the mini breakdown you're having seems to be about a few things but firstly I would say control. You lost control over who knows your past and because it was let out without you knowing and it came out of the blue after such a long time, it's knocked you off your feet. So, from what you wrote, I would root this need for control about your past back to the first paragraph you wrote about the general feeling of not being able to control your own life as a young JW. This is a feeling a lot of born-ins have to deal with. I was one.
Also, another thing to contemplate is this, did you whilst a young JW, develop one personality for the kingdom hall and one personality for your outside life? This is very important. I ask because this is also a natural reaction that young JW's have to deal with. The problem with it is this, you develop one personality for the hall and try to fit in but you don't because you've got nothing in common with these people as you don't really get it or believe it (or you do love it but still...) that's the hall persona and so, you develop another persona for school and try to fit in there but because you try to keep your JW life secret and therefore can't talk about it freely because of shame, you don't fit in fully with them either and then because you're trying to develop friends at school and you don't want your parents to know this or that you don't love the hall, you develop another persona for home. Now you have three personas, all of them have secrets that they keep and all of them tell lies in order to not be found out. This in itself instills feelings of self loathing, dishonesty, unworthiness and loneliness/isolation. We learn to do this as a child but whereas adults, when doing it, do it knowing that it's just a persona that they switch back and forth from by choice, the child doesn't recognise it as a choice or something seperate or fake but instead thinks all three are what makes him/her a person. It's normal. So, this is hidden from themselves - they are unaware that they are doing it. Dangerous huh?!
So, time moves on and then you leave home and up til now, what you've learned is that in order to TRY and fit in because now you've confirmed to yourself that you don't fit in anywhere, you have to create a persona or personality that you think will be accepted by others. So in your situation, you've met your partner and at some point of trust decided to let that person in so far as you are able to but in order to make friends and forget your past, you make another persona. One that doesn't have any use for the old personas you first had and so you cut out one of your old personas or maybe two of them or three of them but now you're fostering new ones, ones for your kids,one for your parents as an out JW, ones for workmates... you see the point I'm making.
This I believe can be your problem and the feeling of never fitting in is because you've never tried to fit in AS YOU THE WHOLE YOU. Bits have been left out. It's left you feeling not a whole person inside maybe, how can you? You've cut some of you off. I say this because I've been through this and it may help you. Keeping this whole process together requires control - remembering what to say to the right people at the right time. You learn how to say what people want to hear and before long you forget who you are as a whole because you are some bits but not others and theres some bits missing, hidden. And then one day when you least expect it, casually, the rug gets pulled and the shock of knowing that people know about one of your old personalities makes you feel deep inside like a fraud, and not good enough and judged again and not in control and exhausted looking over all the effort you put into not being the real you and you fall into a pit and turn the lights off while you process. You lock yourself away due to fear, humiliation a sense of hopelessness and confusion but why does this happen? Well in my understanding it's because you felt traumatised by suddenly being confronted by your old, lost personality that someone essentially hung infront of your eyes and asked ''was this a part of you?''. Now, in the shock, your brain scrambles for reactions. Deny it it says as it tries to tell you, NO, you are not this person, we don't know this person it's just someone we had to be but it died, we killed it. But of course you know you can't lie to yourself. You know the real truth. You have to accept it. And when you look at that old persona and try to figure out what to do with it because you don't want it back you fall into unknown territory by becoming that old personality again for a time whilst in that pit. In extreme cases of this people can be known to revert to their childlike voice and actually believe that they are back in that time of when they felt like this, at the time of the trauma. You see this trait in abused children a lot. You didn't mention that you were abused but you are having a pretty strong reaction to your past.
So, the next question is why do you need to feel in control at all about your past and people knowing now that you're an adult. Well, I want to ask you a question. You said you left at 16 and never looked back but do you now know the TRUTH about the TRUTH? I mean you do know the religion is a false religion right? Inside are you 100% sure that it's a load of crap? Or don't you know fully? Because I'm wondering if when you tie yourself back to your old JW personality, if you're tying yourself back to fear and guilt and dread? The threat of Armageddon and you not surviving it? If this is so, immediately go to JWfacts and learn that this religion is a cult and 100% a pile of crap. I've found that it's only when you know it for sure, you can start to not feel frightened of your old selves and start putting ALL of the pieces that make you complete, back together.
Another reason why I ask if you know the TRUTH about the truth (TTATT) is because if you do, you should understand that the Watchtower cult use drip-fed, mind control techniques to manipulate members into the cult and remain in the cult. Your parents would have undergone this. We all did, even if you didn't believe it, it still affects you. You were told that you're a sinner, a speck of dust, a nothing. So to say you blame nothing on the GB and everything on your parents is very harsh, no? Please read or watch a youtube clip about this cult mind control techniques, it is very real and Watchtower use all of the weapons.
I went to a therapist but had to leave as it just wasn't for me. But it may help you as others have suggested.
I hope some of this was useful. Sorry for the longwinded post but the truth is, there's a healing in getting these things off your chest when you've experienced them yourself so, what I'm trying to say is, it helped me in writing this and I hope it helped you or maybe someone else who reads it if not. But anyway, good luck to you and if you want to PM me, feel free. Whatever you do, do not block this out and carry on. Deal with it, write everything down, research about questions you have and get it fixed. If you do see a therapist, write everyhting down before you go. It helps focus and doesn't enable anything to be left out. Whatever you do, don't be frightened of what's happening, it's your brain making new connections so guide it by teaching it what it needs to know in order to get the job done asap.
Lots of love x
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83
what buzz word from the jw's do you hate & why?
by Sabin inso my hubby has been on a bit of a roll about the jdubs, we were talking a lot about them & he said the buzz word he hate's the most is "worldly" why?
because he say's "with that one word they have condemned (according to their believes) a person as being worthy of nothing but death.
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Skedaddle
Flock!
Just because it's an annoying word that should only be used for animals, not humans so Flock-off!
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83
what buzz word from the jw's do you hate & why?
by Sabin inso my hubby has been on a bit of a roll about the jdubs, we were talking a lot about them & he said the buzz word he hate's the most is "worldly" why?
because he say's "with that one word they have condemned (according to their believes) a person as being worthy of nothing but death.
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Skedaddle
''Contributions'' ''CON-trick-BEWWWtionssss'' Thank you for your generous CON-tri-bewwwtionssss brrrrothers and sisterssss!''
It's got to be the number one buzzword because it's overly used, a complete lie, con and said far too much for a supposed religion that doesn't beg for money from its followers. CON-tri-bewwwwtions. Arghh. Call it what it is 'a scammer's begging box!' Even the word 'contributions' puts an onus on you. Emotional blackmailing tw@ts arghhh!
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14
Any motorcycle sales rep out there?
by RavenPearl inheres hoping.
i have a 2005 yamaha r6, with extras.
i am looking to purchase a 2008 (design is beautiful and low miles compared to mine.
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Skedaddle
You can never know at what price a dealer can sell at. The reason is because you won't know how the dealer came by the bike. I know because i used to have a business selling cars and bikes etc. All be it in uk but the same applies universally. Your best way of going about it is to not be cocky with the salesperson but do the opposite. My advice would be to go and look at the bike and be like oh, i love this bike but i can't afford it. Build a rapour with the salesperson. Walk away, return, tell them again how much you love it, be nice, fondle the bike, be prepared to walk away again. Sooner or later they will ask, how much can you afford. Tell them your lowest and say i just have 5k for example... if you've built rapour the seller will let you know somewhere near his minimum at that point. If his minimum is high and you believe him it will be because of how much they have invested in the bike. But coming across as mr know it all is a huge turn off for sellers. All sellers love customers who love the product and feel empathy if they cant afford it.
Do you not have secondhand bike auctions in usa? That's where the dealers buy from if it isn't a part ex anyway. Save yourself the commission by taking the risk at an auction and spend the saved money on doing anything it needs. In uk anyone can simply register and buy at auction. You have to have cash. Also, sell the bike private because otherwise you lose on the part ex and pay commission on the new purchase. Reduce it by selling private. When i was at college i would buy cars at auction and sell them private. I always had a cool car, loads of cash and didn't have to work, just study.
If the economy is bad, we sometimes would sell at what we'd bought at just to get cash released. The economy directly affects vehicle market. Try to find out how long they've had the bike. You have to weigh everything up, but you'll never know how much they have invested in the bike so... find a sympathetic salesperson and build rapour. Look at other bikes, not just one. Look at cheaper bikes infront of them. If the salesperson is a real cock, they'll force the bike with the most profit in it. Also pay attention to how interested the seller is, if he's walking away from you, not as a game but seriously not interested, then the bike doesnt have much profit in it. Am i teaching you abc now. Sorry. I will now shut up lol. Oh, and bikes at the front are ones that are new or have the most profit in. Bikes at the back have lower profit in.
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25
Inviting disfellowshipped to the memorial
by wannaexit ini read in a european ex jw forum that this year they are making a special effort to invite not only the inactive but also a special effort is made to invite all disfellowshipped.
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i don't know if this as always been a common practice, or something started anew so they can boast about the numbers of attendees..
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Skedaddle
They're scared of their figures going down! It's always about the org. Nothing else. My guess is a lot woke up this year and that would include the sympathetics who normally attend the annual memorial. I'm sure the new africans will make up the loss... -
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Gossiping
by Sabin inso last night we had some friends around for dinner, (not jw) & it was a really wonderful evening.
we talked about a variety of subjects, just had a laugh & drunk wine & beer.
this morning my husband & i were talking about how nice it was, how free we felt with our opinions.
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Skedaddle
Ha! My mum who's in, proceeds to tell me how her friends are such gossips and then she starts telling me all the gossip. LOL I feel sorry for them. They don't have much to talk about otherwise and in a cult where everything you do is scrutinised, commented on, moulded, well, the very set-up breeds this culture. Actually, come to think about it, I think she's started vetting her gossip since we've been trying to wake her up. Now I only hear about deaths and illnesses. So many have cancer:( -
50
genuine english guy seeking jw lady
by english_gentleman inhi, i believe that a lady is put on earth to satisfy the needs of her partner and respect his views in all matters.. i realize some here may consider that old fashioned and not based on sexual equality.. yet a lady and man are not created equal because the lady gives birth and the man must sire many children.
if you are a lady under 30 and keen to meet me, willing to cook and breed, then please message me here.
please do not contact me if you disagree with my views, we can agree to differ.
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Skedaddle
i believe that a lady is put on earth to satisfy the needs of her partner and respect his views in all matters.
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92
Only a few days ago I was entirely lost and without hope the rug was pulled out from under me
by elderess inonly a few days ago i was walking around the house in a mindless wander thinking if i needed to seek professional help.
then i got the courage to seek the comfort of complete strangers on the internet and found a world of support here on this website.
thank you simon and whoever else has made this website possible.
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Skedaddle
Wow, in tears here! SO , so happy for the both of you! You must have been so apprehensive bringing it up and then BAM he agrees! Phew! Amazing!!! You'll be in my thoughts tonight when I have a glass of wine. Here's to the rest of your happy lives - it can't get any worse than being in a cult now:) Cheers!
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Leaving jw propaganda all around the house, what to do?
by Crazyguy inthe wife leaves it all around, not sure if this is by design i don't think so since the return to jah brochure was never left out.
it drives me a bit nuts but haven't done anything about it.
looking for ideas on what i should do?
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Skedaddle
I'd start reading them and underline all the shit you can find, misquotes, emotional blackmail, lies etc. and be sure to make notes in the column.
Are you fading? Sorry... I'm not sure of your situation. Don't do the above if she can use it as a weapon to show you as an apostate.
Just put them back in her ministry bag and say you tidied up, doesn't it look nice. She'll have to thank you for putting away the propaganda mags lol.
