@ Joliette how can you get help when most of what you put out here are mixed with SPECULATIONS and ASSUMPTIONS
1. If my family passes away, especially my mom, I've come to realize that I'm not gonna have anybody whose really gonna have my back?
2. What if I end up getting seriously sick, I'm not married at all, don't have children, and it looks like I wont ever have children because I am too old now
3. I believe groups like Jehovahs Witnesses was created for people who have experienced rejection from the world, who can't make it out in the world. I guess I am one of those people.
4. I'm gonna end up in some serious poverty, I can see it coming. I think it will probably have to do with something medically.
5. The biggest thing that I think of is: What if I have a medical emergency? What if I end up having a terminal illness? I don't smoke, drink very occasionally,
6. Then I haven't been too successful at having a career, I'm in a lot of student loan debt, I don't have a lot of security out in the world. I've dealt with a lot discrimination at work (I'm African American and female) so I'm probably never gonna be able to pay back my student loans at all. I'm starting to realize that life is mostly a scam.
My take is this...................
You are in a SERIOUS DEBT at the moment. It is weighing HEAVILY on your mind that from what you want to likely happen is perhaps get help from sorting that debt out from proceeds that will likely come from your MUM when she dies and possibly from relatives whom are JWS who you believe will help you when you return to the JWS organization. Hope your mum have not willed her asset to the ORG. It will be disaster waiting to happen should you bank on those asset as help. Thread carefully on this.
I don't want to see you as a DROP OUT from school until you confirm that. From the explanation you have given so far, you never had a defined plan of action for a life that you know is a SCAM. The JWs don't believe the life they live is a SCAM. You have to live by the RULES they set about life of which you are aware of. You will be kicked out back into a WORLD that you believe has REJECTED you should you fail to heed the rules. It will be DOUBLE TRAGEDY.
Do you have a terminal sickness or illness that you are not willing to DIVULGE?
Finally understand the current situation and predicaments JWs as it is today before making your decision. They are locked in at the moment. Should decide to join better remain locked in because at the moment you can't afford to lose the ONLY PLACE you feel and BELIEVE HELP or SUPPORT is and will come from.