Flower - yes it will be coming from me, of course. I am not looking for anyone to tell me what to do - I was looking for opinions and maybe what has worked for someone else.
I'm outta here - good luck everyone :)
wildeflower
JoinedPosts by wildeflower
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18
I am meeting with my father - HELP
by wildeflower inok here goes - after 15 years of unimaginable shit (wait, you guys can imagine!
) and a tearful phone conversation tonight with my mother & father, my father is willing to sit & discuss jehovah's witnesses with me (he actually sounds open).
i left the borg when i was 17. my father is an elder.
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I am meeting with my father - HELP
by wildeflower inok here goes - after 15 years of unimaginable shit (wait, you guys can imagine!
) and a tearful phone conversation tonight with my mother & father, my father is willing to sit & discuss jehovah's witnesses with me (he actually sounds open).
i left the borg when i was 17. my father is an elder.
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wildeflower
ok here goes - after 15 years of unimaginable shit (wait, you guys CAN imagine!) and a tearful phone conversation tonight with my mother & father, my father is willing to sit & discuss Jehovah's Witnesses with me (he actually sounds open). I left the borg when I was 17. My father is an elder. So I need to put together some things on paper to discuss with him WHY I am not a JW. Believe it or not, I haven't actually yet presented my case to him in that way yet and I feel I need to before I move on.
I am NOT interested in being an asshole - I do not want to condemn them or disrespect them. I want only to present in a clear, logical & consice manner my reasons for not being one of Jehovah's Witnesses. My goal is they read it with an open heart & mind and in the end, who knows, but at least I will finally feel I did all I could (because I still don't feel I have - I thought losing their daughter would shake them up, but it hasn't. They feel they have suffered as much as me - you all understand this).
I asked my father 3 things tonight: 1) are you honestly searching for the "truth" (he said yes); 2) if you learned something that was different than what you already knew, would you be open to examining it? (he said yes); 3) are you so comfortable in your lifestyle because you've been living this way for so long that you would be unwilling to change if you learned new things? (he said no, not me).
Whether the above questions were appropriate or not, I don't know. I was crying & emotional (I hate when that happens!) and trying to keep it together.
Which is what I don't want to happen when I meet with him. I tend to revert to a 5 year old and when I hear him quoting all these scriptures I start having flashbacks. I want to be strong & well prepared & kind.
Any suggestions on particular points to present? That's all I'm asking - for key points - and if you can recommend specific books or websites, that would be helpful. I'm looking for concise & to the point. If it opens a door, we can go more in depth at a later date.
This is VERY important to me & will be a big turning point. Please don't respond if you are just going to be a wiseass or trash me.
Thank you!!!!!!!!
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Average age of apostates survey.
by sleepy ini thought it might be a good idea to find out at what age or after how long we descided to leave the watchtower.. prehaps we my find a patern in it which we could use .. i think what we need to know are ,.
1.age you left the watchtower.
(or age you found out it was wrong).
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wildeflower
1. left at 17, df'd shortly thereafter
2. baptized at 16
3. raised in it -
65
Amazing's Triumph - Mixed Feelings
by Perry inamazing wrote:.
"i was able to get my wife and children out, and this led to my son-in-law and a close friend leaving at the same time.
so, i am among the more fortunate in that my immediate family, and non-jw friends and relatives were all there with me as i exited.
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wildeflower
Perry - wonderful post. Amazing & Perry - wonderful posts to each other. Those are the types of conversations I look for on this site - respectful & honest.
Perry I understand SO much about trying to find ways to make your family understand.
I left at 17 years old and that was 15 years ago. Coming from a very close family - elder father, mother & brother, I lost all of them. To this day, it breaks my heart. I have to figure out each day how to keep it in perspective and where exactly my reponsibility lies as far as how & how much do I try to convince them when all I get in return is quoted Scriptures and being ignored.
My goal is to lead a fulfilling happy life and let that be an example to them and hope that their logical minds & search for truth will lead them where they need to go.
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15
struggling & need feedback
by wildeflower ini am 32 years old, have been disfellowshipped since age 17. was born & raised in the "truth.
" my father was and still is an elder.. without going into the gory, painful details: i have kept in somewhat contact with my parents in the last 15 years (i can't believe it's been that long!
) by calling them and popping over to their house, etc.
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wildeflower
I agree with Sinsongboi ... your post Marilyn made the most sense to me personally, in line with how I feel and how I have felt about the whole situation.
I certainly haven't been too quick to condemn my parents - I have been dealing with this & loving them for 15 years. I do not condemn them today either & will continue to to do my best to deal with all this in the most respectful, honest and strong way.
Any letter I write would come from a loving perspective - I was just curious if anyone felt the need to write a final, formal letter.
I do not believe that any anger and hurt you feel because of what has happened to you should make you turn around & do hurtful things back. I don't buy into it - I believe the goal is to become more compassionate, smart & rise above the negative and become a positive force.
I will carry on as I have - thank goodness for the good around me.
So long :)
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struggling & need feedback
by wildeflower ini am 32 years old, have been disfellowshipped since age 17. was born & raised in the "truth.
" my father was and still is an elder.. without going into the gory, painful details: i have kept in somewhat contact with my parents in the last 15 years (i can't believe it's been that long!
) by calling them and popping over to their house, etc.
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wildeflower
Francois,
Thank you for your directness - that's exactly what I want & the intent of my post - to get feedback from people who have been in my situation for some tips, experiences & support.
Thank you so much ... my gut feeling was to write a letter but it will take me some time to construct and I want to include brief points about them taking responsibility to honestly research their beliefs.
:)
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struggling & need feedback
by wildeflower ini am 32 years old, have been disfellowshipped since age 17. was born & raised in the "truth.
" my father was and still is an elder.. without going into the gory, painful details: i have kept in somewhat contact with my parents in the last 15 years (i can't believe it's been that long!
) by calling them and popping over to their house, etc.
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wildeflower
Dakota Red ~
You are right about a lot of things. I know in my heart what to do regarding my own situation which is why I made the decision to back off.
My fiance & I are not planning on having any children but I have a spectacular niece and lots of wonderful family on my mother's side (who by the way are Catholic and loved me when I was a jw and have loved me as an ex-jw) and friends that I have made. These people are my world and what I will focus on. And I am so grateful that I will have 100 phenomenal guests at our wedding and in our lives :)
I wish you the best with your wife - that has to be tough when it's your mate.
Warm wishes :)
Rachelle -
15
struggling & need feedback
by wildeflower ini am 32 years old, have been disfellowshipped since age 17. was born & raised in the "truth.
" my father was and still is an elder.. without going into the gory, painful details: i have kept in somewhat contact with my parents in the last 15 years (i can't believe it's been that long!
) by calling them and popping over to their house, etc.
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wildeflower
Thanks Mrs. Rocky & Heaven for your replies & concern :)
I was in it for 17 years so I KNOW how it all operates and I remember how I used to feel towards disfellowshipped people myself - I was scared of them & thought they must have been bad people if we weren't supposed to talk to them - how horrendous.
I know it all in my head but lately I have felt a resurgance of anger & hurt - like I said probably because of my wedding and I am hurt that they have allowed this to go on for so long especially after we have had multiple conversations and heated debates. But they have it in their head that whatever I say is because I've been swayed by the "world." I am simply frustrated.
Are THEY suffering because of this? Oh YES - I know for a fact that my mother has suffered from depression for a long time and for 10 years had feelings for another man because she drifted from my father after I left home (resenting how he handled the situation), my father started drinking - my brother and I went to see him to confront him because my mother would tell me he has a problem and tell me how much vodka he consumed a week but her & my father would walk around the house pretending nothing was going on. That's the thing - they have problems & make mistakes too but when you are a JW, it's brushed under the carpet, it's hushed, it's because they haven't relied on Jehovah & prayed to him, it's because they are spiritually weak, it's because I started all these problems by leaving, etc. Argggh I get so mad.
I love my parents, my arms are open to them, I WANT to have a relationship with them. When they get older and if they need care, I will be there - of course! But I can't keep making the effort, with no effort back - to me it's almost as if saying their behavior is ok and it's not.
Just part of the whole frustrating package ...
~ Rachelle
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WoW, I talked to my aunt today.......
by flower inthis was my first time talking to my df'd aunt since i found out the truth about the 'lie'.
i gotta tell you things are really different now.
i almost wanted to get on my knees and beg for forgivness for the way she has been treated by my family for so many years but i was at her place of work.
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wildeflower
Flower - I am so happy for you that you had this great moment with your aunt. I wish you strength to deal with the family issues and many more loving relationships to explore.
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15
struggling & need feedback
by wildeflower ini am 32 years old, have been disfellowshipped since age 17. was born & raised in the "truth.
" my father was and still is an elder.. without going into the gory, painful details: i have kept in somewhat contact with my parents in the last 15 years (i can't believe it's been that long!
) by calling them and popping over to their house, etc.
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wildeflower
I am 32 years old, have been disfellowshipped since age 17. Was born & raised in the "truth." My father was and still is an elder.
Without going into the gory, painful details: I have kept in somewhat contact with my parents in the last 15 years (I can't believe it's been that long!) by calling them and popping over to their house, etc. - trying to be a part of their lives. After years of doing this and getting basically scraps of attention from them, I decided this is ridiculous & only causing me pain. It wasn't a healthy relationship. So I stopped making an effort 2 months ago and guess what? Not a peep from them. I just don't exist.
Not that this should surprise me - but I guess I always held out hope that love would win over. Call me crazy but I still don't get that losing a daughter wouldn't make someone re-examine their life. My father and I had a VERY tight bond. I also think that my upcoming wedding in 5 months (my first) is making these strong emotions surface, knowing they won't be there, Dad's not walking me down the aisle, etc. and it makes me realize all over again how needlessly painful this all is.
Okay, let me get to my point! Although we have had our debates & emotional conversations over the years, I feel like I still haven't presented my case enough. I feel like there needs to be one last hurrah before I walk away.
My question is: Did you finally reach a point where you said, enough is enough. If I am to be in your life, then take ALL of me, with respect & love or else forget it? And have any of you either orally stated your final case or written a very thought out final letter as a last ditch effort to say your peace (piece?).
Or is it a matter of learning the art of exhaling and letting it go, once and for all?
Thank you in advance for replies and thank you for letting me vent - I have been emotional as of late and after struggling with these issues for years alone, I am taking advantage of the wonderful people on this board.
~ Rachelle