Sorry Englishman, most Americans don't like soccer. But we love AMERICAN FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WildTurkey
JoinedPosts by WildTurkey
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21
So, Do You Yanks & Brits Realise That.........
by Englishman in.
..if the usa win their next 3 world cup games, and england win their next 2 games, then the usa and england will meet in the final to decide who will win the world cup?.
if that happens, unlikely as it is that the usa will defeat mexico tomorrow.
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Attempts At Sex
by WildTurkey into my dearest wife,.
during the past year, i have attempted to make love to you 365 times.
i have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days.
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WildTurkey
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 timesIt's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your HubbyTo My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 timesDid not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife -
33
Post your pet pictures
by butalbee inokay, this is my cat, she is an african serval, and a lot of cat to handle.. fred: eat your heart out!
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WildTurkey
This is LyinEyes' dog, his face got this way from chasing parked cars.
This is my dog, she is the one on the right.
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2
Falwel's targets
by WildTurkey inthe rev.
jerry falwell recently outed tinky winky, from the television show, "teletubbies", because, falwell pronounced, "the character is clearly a fount of gayness.
he is purple, the gay color, he has an antenna shaped like a triangle, the gay symbol, and he carries a purse, something all gay people do.
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WildTurkey
The Rev. Jerry Falwell recently outed Tinky Winky, from the television show, "Teletubbies", because, Falwell pronounced, "The character is clearly a fount of gayness. He is purple, the gay color, he has an antenna shaped like a triangle, the gay symbol, and he carries a purse, something all gay people do." But Falwell's work is far from over. Following are some other targets he is preparing to go after...
Fred Flintstone
Evidence: His nickname on the Bedrock bowling team; "Twinkle-Toes Flintstones." The show's theme song ends "...we'll have a gay old time!" He wears an orange vest with little triangles on it. Hangs out with Barney far more than Wilma.
Bugs Bunny
Evidence: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a hairdresser in one episode. Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to throw on a top hat and tails and belts out Broadway show-tunes with his buddy Daffy, who, it is worth noting, has a lisp.
Velma (of Scooby Doo)
Evidence: Always tries to sit next to Daphne in the Mystery Machine. Sports that butch haircut. Has broad shoulders and wears thick turtleneck sweaters and knee socks. Never once shagged Shaggy.
Popeye
Evidence: Eats lots of salad. Wears a sailor suit, even though he hasn't been on a ship in years. Does little sailor dances. Dates a flat-chested transvestite named Olive Oyl. Best friend named Wimpy.
Batman and Robin
Evidence: Robin's nickname - Boy Wonder. Batman's real name is Bruce. Both wear tights. They're in great shape. They like to show each other their "grappling hooks."
Peppermint Patty
Evidence: Has a deep, gravelly voice. Wears pants, not dresses like the other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean game of football. Likes to taunt Charlie Brown. Always hanging out with that androgynous Marcie. Wears comfortable shoes. Nickname; Sir.
The Pink Panther
Enough said.
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21
Cassi Said I Should Do An Intro, So Here It Is
by Windchaser inhey wind, its so good to have you here.
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WildTurkey
Hey Wind, its so good to have you here.
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WildTurkey
Ty, Comf, Beck, and Reborn, i love my kids and, Im very proud of them, just glad i got them out of the borg before it took their youth away.
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36
Have you out-grown playing pranks?
by noidea inmy daughter was on my pc and i was still signed into my im.
i was trying to take a nap.
anyway, a fellow member of this board ..who shall remain nameless signed in on im and my daughter told them i was napping, this then made me a prime target for a prank..
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WildTurkey
I like to wait till my wife falls asleep, then i take two flashlights,and shine them in her face and yell truck.
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Kid Pics
by Valis injust got back from the hill country of southern texas, got to see the chickens and go swimming in the guadalupe.
some of you might have noticed that the last couple of weeks i've been on a bit of a tear....well, i feel much better for having seen the kiddies and their living arrangements and general condition.
here are some of their pics and you can find the rest at the following url...i would have embedded the url, but there are too many pics for all of that.
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WildTurkey
Hey Valis, your a great guy, cant wait to meet you.