Posts by dissonance

80

new member- my story

by AndDontCallMeShirley in

"that which can be asserted without evidence, can.

be dismissed without evidence.

" - christopher hitchens.

Welcome! Your first post was awesome- a very succinct summary of the major points that would cause any thinking person to question JWs if given the tiniest opportunity. How did you do your fade? What was/is your family's reaction?

4

Not doing good things for bad reasons

by dissonance_resolved in

jw
friends

so someone made a comment on one of my other posts that got me thinking- they said "the non-jw you is better than the the jw you.

" that made me think of all the good things i've never done for whacked-out jw reasons:.

1) contributing to charity- united way (religious origin), red cross (has the word cross in it so it must be wrong), salvation army (forget it), greenpece (political), donating to food banks at the holidays (why help someone celebrate a pagan holiday?

dissonance_resolved

So someone made a comment on one of my other posts that got me thinking- they said "the non-JW you is better than the the JW you." That made me think of all the good things I've never done for whacked-out JW reasons:

1) contributing to charity- United Way (religious origin), Red Cross (has the word cross in it so it must be wrong), Salvation Army (forget it), Greenpece (political), donating to food banks at the holidays (why help someone celebrate a pagan holiday?), etc.

2) not buying Girl Scout or Boy Scout cookies- they teach patriotism, right?

3)not volunteering for anything non-JW related

4) not wishing others well (no good lucks, happy birthdays, toasts, happy holidays, etc.)

5) not getting my kids swimming lessons because they were only offered on Saturday mornings at the YMCA (two strikes)

6) not giving gifts or cards to relatives and friends (we supposed to give gifts for other reasons but without the the prompt of a birthday or holiday, it doesn't really happen)

Wow, the JW me really sucked. I can't wait to starting spreading joy instead of doom and gloom.

44

Is a slow fade being selfish when you have kids?

by dissonance_resolved in

so i got some great advice to take things very slowly with the husband and kids in order to be able to fade and still maintain contact with my parents and siblings.

but today i got a call from my son's teacher that he was having a meltdown because he was worried about all his friends and teachers being destroyed at armageddon.... first i felt like such a schmuck for ever having allowed that thought to enter my son's head, then i thought, is it psychological torture for me not to immediately correct the situation?

i had a long talk with him about how god is perfectly just and full of love and he didn't have to worry about that at all, but it still seemed lukewarm.

dissonance_resolved

Yes, need to focus on the future for my little one. This is not a new idea to me though- even though we were 4th generation JW, my siblings and I all went to college, resulting in my dad losing privileges for a time. I never felt like I had lost out on anything, which may be why I thought I could make this work with my kids. I hate being in a place where I have to choose between my parents and my kids. It's just so wrong.

44

Is a slow fade being selfish when you have kids?

by dissonance_resolved in

so i got some great advice to take things very slowly with the husband and kids in order to be able to fade and still maintain contact with my parents and siblings.

but today i got a call from my son's teacher that he was having a meltdown because he was worried about all his friends and teachers being destroyed at armageddon.... first i felt like such a schmuck for ever having allowed that thought to enter my son's head, then i thought, is it psychological torture for me not to immediately correct the situation?

i had a long talk with him about how god is perfectly just and full of love and he didn't have to worry about that at all, but it still seemed lukewarm.

dissonance_resolved

A lot to reply to. I haven't told my husband about the meltdown. Don't judge. I just got my son calmed down and I don't need my husband "reasoning from the scriptures" with him and getting him worked up again.

BoC- I don't have a guilt trip because I am a victim too. I didn't choose this life- my parents chose it for me and I'm just now trying to figure out a way to extricate us all as painlessly as possible.

OTWO- I don't feel comfortable involving my children in any sort of deception. This is my mess to figure out, not theirs.

CADSkin- how exactly did you go from being in limbo to being fully out? That's the transition I need to understand. At this point, we are very irregular meeting attenders, low hour publishers (actually would be irregular without constant requests for our FS reports.). I'd say we make one mid-week meeting and two Sundays a month. No one has said anything other than "hope to see you next week". Next steps?

RR- I did speak to the teacher and she is in board and supportive. Will look into counseling.

This whole thing makes me so angry. My sweet, lion-hearted boy should never have had to dwell on these thoughts.

44

Is a slow fade being selfish when you have kids?

by dissonance_resolved in

so i got some great advice to take things very slowly with the husband and kids in order to be able to fade and still maintain contact with my parents and siblings.

but today i got a call from my son's teacher that he was having a meltdown because he was worried about all his friends and teachers being destroyed at armageddon.... first i felt like such a schmuck for ever having allowed that thought to enter my son's head, then i thought, is it psychological torture for me not to immediately correct the situation?

i had a long talk with him about how god is perfectly just and full of love and he didn't have to worry about that at all, but it still seemed lukewarm.

dissonance_resolved

So I got some great advice to take things very slowly with the husband and kids in order to be able to fade and still maintain contact with my parents and siblings. But today I got a call from my son's teacher that he was having a meltdown because he was worried about all his friends and teachers being destroyed at Armageddon.... First I felt like such a schmuck for ever having allowed that thought to enter my son's head, then I thought, is it psychological torture for me not to immediately correct the situation? I had a long talk with him about how God is perfectly just and full of love and he didn't have to worry about that at all, but it still seemed lukewarm. This is all new territory for me. No pun intended.

42

Todays Watchtower Study ---------------------- Give Me A Break

by BlindersOff1 in

this is so a made up example .

written as ifs it was real .

whats your opinion ?.

dissonance_resolved

A few months ago I would have finished a WT study like that with a guilt trip the size of Mt. Everest. Today I just tuned out the holier-than-thou comments and contemplated how glad I am that I have a college education and a challenging, well-paying job with benefits and a 401k. Oh yeah, and that I would be spending the rest of the afternoon happily wasting time on my iPad instead of handing out memorial invitations.

59

How do I tell my husband?

by dissonance_resolved in

i'm a born in, baptized as a young teenager, whole family is jw.

i just recently woke up after the new understanding of the fds was announced and it seemed to me to smack of power-grabbing.

i started looking at all the websites we're not supposed to, and now i know why.

dissonance_resolved

Oy, this is not going to be easy. We went out to dinner tonight, and he could read me like a book and knew something was wrong. I tried to keep it nonchalant but it didn't end well. Now we have a renewed commitment to be regular at meetings and FS. Sigh.

59

How do I tell my husband?

by dissonance_resolved in

i'm a born in, baptized as a young teenager, whole family is jw.

i just recently woke up after the new understanding of the fds was announced and it seemed to me to smack of power-grabbing.

i started looking at all the websites we're not supposed to, and now i know why.

dissonance_resolved

Yes, thank you all for the reminder to slow down! Billy, I like the idea of starting with the blood issue- it's not so confrontational since its just a "what if.". It really shocked me to find out that if you allow all the fractions that are now considered a "conscience matter" that basically equals whole blood when combined. Do they think we are stupid? I guess I was until I read something on the subject that wasn't published by the WTBTS. Thankfully, we've never been organized enough to get our medical directives filled out. I don't think I've carried anything since they used to hand out the new blood cards every January. Now that I think of it, it seems strange they stopped dong that.

59

How do I tell my husband?

by dissonance_resolved in

i'm a born in, baptized as a young teenager, whole family is jw.

i just recently woke up after the new understanding of the fds was announced and it seemed to me to smack of power-grabbing.

i started looking at all the websites we're not supposed to, and now i know why.

dissonance_resolved

All good advice- thank you! It is very tempting to just unload everything and get it off my chest, but I recognize that could be overwhelming for him. The kids are a whole other issue. Knowing what I do now, I will NOT lie to them or teach them something I don't believe in. So that is definitely going to raise some red flags for my husband. I'm hoping to just keep a low profile while I figure things out. Thankfully, I'm very busy at work right now which has resulted in having to work late on meeting nights and being very tired on Saturday mornings, so I don't have to feel like a hypocrite. I know I will end up losing my parents, siblings and friends, but I can't deal with the thought of losing my husband too.

59

How do I tell my husband?

by dissonance_resolved in

i'm a born in, baptized as a young teenager, whole family is jw.

i just recently woke up after the new understanding of the fds was announced and it seemed to me to smack of power-grabbing.

i started looking at all the websites we're not supposed to, and now i know why.

dissonance_resolved

Hi- I'm new here. I'm a born in, baptized as a young teenager, whole family is JW. I just recently woke up after the new understanding of the FDS was announced and it seemed to me to smack of power-grabbing. I started looking at all the websites we're not supposed to, and now I know why. It's just been one lie after another, 1914, 1975, blood transfusions, 607 BCE, GB, FDS. Anyway, what do I do now? I need to talk to my husband but I don't even know where to start. I don't want him to freak out and run to the elders for "help.". Recently, I asked him what he thought of the new light on FDS and he just said the usual, "wait on Jehovah.". But he's not that gung-ho, has never been real regular at meetings and field service. So maybe there's a chink in the armor there somewhere. Any suggestions?

dissonance_resolved

Posts by dissonance_resolved