How do I tell my husband?

dissonance_resolved

Hi- I'm new here. I'm a born in, baptized as a young teenager, whole family is JW. I just recently woke up after the new understanding of the FDS was announced and it seemed to me to smack of power-grabbing. I started looking at all the websites we're not supposed to, and now I know why. It's just been one lie after another, 1914, 1975, blood transfusions, 607 BCE, GB, FDS. Anyway, what do I do now? I need to talk to my husband but I don't even know where to start. I don't want him to freak out and run to the elders for "help.". Recently, I asked him what he thought of the new light on FDS and he just said the usual, "wait on Jehovah.". But he's not that gung-ho, has never been real regular at meetings and field service. So maybe there's a chink in the armor there somewhere. Any suggestions?

Splash

Welcome to the family of awakened people.

I've not yet had to deal with this issue but many on here will give you their views and experiences.

Only you know the best way to handle your husband, but my suggestion is that you take it slowly.

Wishing you the best,

Splash.

Amelia Ashton

Welcome.

Keep asking questions. Don't let him know you are here and perhaps study something together

mouthy

Be slow!!!! dont expose to much to soon. Show him Love!!Lots of it!!!
then ask him "Do you believe in Jesus" Because the Bible says HE is the way! truth! life!
And to LISTEN to him!!!!! I am beginning to see we listen only to men!!!But then
leave it with hubby to think about it."But YOU keep praying for him!!!He will find it a
difficult time

jgnat

Sometimes when a cultist is frightened, they can knee-jerk and snap back in to the WTS. You can approach your husband in a non-threatening way. First off, no confessions for now. Just ask open-ended questions and let him stew over them. In the meantime, pick up one of Steve Hassan's books and get yourself educated on how to approach your husband.

We have lots of good-news stories here where both partners exited together. There are other stories where their changing beliefs destroyed the marriage. So be smart, pray that your husband wakes up too, and come here often for tips.

bsmart

Ask him why he thinks it's the "truth" sometime when this stuff comes up.... ie when he mentions something that irritates him. Go slow and figure out what makes leaving more attractive than staying for him.

Cantleave and his wife Nugget are here on the board... He got her out, cantleave

If you have kids then go to a member called Amazing's posts Amazing check his posts about bringing family out. He got most of them to follow him here. Another thing, we do have a search option at the top of the page, lots of stuff here to research. You can do it!

bsmart

Ding

Go slowly.

If you push a lot of things on him all at once, you are likely to overwhelm him rather than helping him.

Listen more than you speak.

He may reveal doubts or questions of his own.

Encourage him to explore them.

If you criticize the WT directly, most likely he will defend it, so rather than saying directly that you think the WT is wrong about something, try telling him that the teaching (or change) is confusing (or puzzling or troubling).

See how he reacts to that and go from there.

Sometimes you may have to back off and come at it again later from another angle.

dissonance_resolved

All good advice- thank you! It is very tempting to just unload everything and get it off my chest, but I recognize that could be overwhelming for him. The kids are a whole other issue. Knowing what I do now, I will NOT lie to them or teach them something I don't believe in. So that is definitely going to raise some red flags for my husband. I'm hoping to just keep a low profile while I figure things out. Thankfully, I'm very busy at work right now which has resulted in having to work late on meeting nights and being very tired on Saturday mornings, so I don't have to feel like a hypocrite. I know I will end up losing my parents, siblings and friends, but I can't deal with the thought of losing my husband too.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Welcome DisRes!

My suggestion is that you don't need to rush things with painful conversations... it's not like armageddon is coming any time soon. LOL. Since your husband isn't gung-ho, it's easy enough to back off from the JW rat race and miss meetings together and skip serve-us (while still reporting time). He doesn't sound like the type that will object to pre-fading inactivities.

I'd also suggest that you evaluate your marriage. If you're happy together without the JW stuff, build on all the things and activities you have in common. If you love him, make sure he knows it, and that you wouldn't let any JW crap interfere with your relationship. That way, if push comes to shove, he'll understand that you're a real and loving part of his life, but the JWs are just a mindless, loveless cult. As much as you'd like to unload everything you've learned about the JWs to him, just start by copying his attitude, which seems to be, "meh, WT is just gonna keep changing this stuff, so why bother." As far as chinks in his JW armor, just give him time and opportunity, and he'll likely show them at some point. Feed him a little information and see how it goes. Look for points of agreement with him. Avoid arguments. Give him enough to remember, not an Internet-load of data.

If there is any subject worth being pro-active, it would be the blood issue, especially if you have children. Your WT "contract of death" should be destroyed. Although it makes sense to avoid blood transfusions whenever possible, in the event of medical emergencies when survival is on the line, blood transfusions save lives. JW teachings aren't even in agreement with the Bible... ask any Jew. The prohibition is with respect to eating the blood of dead animals, not a prohibition of saving lives.

Good luck on your journey.

TD

Go slow. Be gentle and non confrontational. There's an entire minefield of defense mechanisms in the minds of most JW's and it's easy to do more harm than good.

How do I tell my husband?

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