Minimus. Just tell your window washer friend, that all he has to do is just lie about everything else, and he'll be home free. Probably a lot easier to just lie, then trying to quit all those other habits.!
xjw_b12
JoinedPosts by xjw_b12
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My Disfellowshipped Window Washer Is Going Back To Meetings Because Of The
by minimus inwar....he said bible prophecies are obviously being fulfilled and since war is imminent, it's time to get back into the "truth".
he went to his first meeting last sunday.
now, all he says he has to do is stop smoking, stop his pornography addiction, stop going out with prostitutes, start reading and researching more, and evidently, he has stopped engaging in homosexuality.
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What Would A Jehovah's Witness Romance Novel Be Like?
by minimus ini was reading in the religion page of the newspaper today that the mormons are enjoying romance novels in which descriptions of the characters' sex lives are limited to little more the first kiss--- that could happen after they are engaged to be married........any ideas of what a jw romance novel might be like?
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xjw_b12
And this could be the final chapter. " Hillary and David Consummate the Marriage "
OK. I stole this from the Onion News Letter, and modified it to reflect the story TresHappy has started, as I am not original enough to come up with something this funny on my own.
Warning Adult content ! like that's going to stop any of you !
David and Hillary McCue, joined in holy matrimony Saturday before friends, family and their God at the local Jehovah's Witnesses Kingdom Hall.
Above: Newlywed Christians David and Hillary McCue. "I'm so glad we waited until we got married—it made it so much more special," said the 26-year-old Hillary, who is "pretty sure" David's penis penetrated her vaginal opening during the brief, fumbling lovemaking session. "I can't imagine what a letdown our first sexual experience would have been if we'd done it at some point during our five years of dating."
David, 27, agreed. "As I prepared, sweat-drenched and terror-struck, to insert my semi-erect penis into my petrified new bride, I couldn't help but think what a precious, magical moment it was. Then, as Linda started to cry out from the anticipation of pain from the first-ever breaching of her tightly constricted vaginal walls, a tear of joy streamed down my cheek."
According to the devout Jehovah's Witnesses, after retiring to their bridal suite at the Charleston Marriott East, Hillary decided to initiate the evening of romance and dread by excusing herself to the bathroom, where she spent "approximately an hour" changing into the floor-length cotton nightgown she had purchased especially for the occasion.
Recalled David: "When I saw Hillary emerge from the bathroom, a vision in billowing, opaque cloth, her head and hands peeking tantalizingly from the tight collar and cuffs, the moment we first fell in love came rushing back to me in a wave of adoration and fear."
After an estimated 45 minutes spent in prayer to ensure the smoothest possible act of coitus, David made sure the windows and doors were all securely locked, and that all windowshades and blinds were closed. He then reached to his nightstand to turn out the lights "to contribute to the feeling of romance" and "because Hillary refused to let me touch her nightgown until the room was completely dark."
Trembling in giddy anticipation and fright, the longtime couple climbed under the sheets and blankets, where David took his place on top of his blushing, sobbing bride.
"As with millions of young newlyweds who haven't yet had sex," David said, "there was some nervousness and confusion at first. But after a couple of minutes, we figured out that it would be easier if Hillary separated her legs to facilitate entry."
Penile insertion was somewhat complicated by David's refusal to assist the navigation process by touching himself—an act the Bible strictly prohibits—but a few more minutes of unsteady shifting and jabbing enabled his penis to "almost certainly" enter Hillary.
Having at last achieved probable sexual congress, the couple was brought to new heights of nervous, clumsy passion. "As I ran my trembling hands over David's rigid shoulders," Hillary said, "I said a prayer thanking our God Jehovah for giving us the strength to wait for this wonderful, fulfilling moment. It certainly was every bit as special as I'd hoped."
Added Hillary: "I'm sure the first time isn't anywhere near as magical for all those young people who don't save themselves for marriage. Now I know why God wanted us to wait."
As the sexual act wore on, Hillary said it grew gloriously tolerable, describing the experience as "endurable beyond my wildest dreams."
"Toward the end," she said, "I was almost relaxed enough to enjoy myself, and then, of course, David ejaculated." Hillary declined to elaborate on her new husband's sexual climax, but said, "I can definitely say that the encounter, which yesterday would have been an unforgivable sin in the eyes of God, was noticeably pleasurable, and probably even somewhat erotic in nature."
David agreed wholeheartedly, calling their wedding-night union "the most exciting minutes of my life." Immediately after finishing, the newlyweds took turns showering.
As for the future of the couple's sex life, David said he is full of hope. "I'd like to maybe try actually touching Hillary's vagina with my hand at some point," he said. "Then again, I don't want to rush things. Also, I've heard that the vagina kind of smells bad."
"I certainly hope Jehovah will now bless us with a child after this wonderful night," Hillary said. "If not, we may be forced to repeat this beautiful experience."
And the link to the story as it originally appeared : http://www.theonion.com/archive/archive_relationships.html
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JWs and extracurricular activities
by MoeJoJoJo injw children miss out on so much.
i was raised as a jw and there were so many school activities that i wanted to participate in but was not allowed.
i remember my gym teacher encouraging me to go out for soccer, i asked my parents if i could and of course i knew the answer would be no even before i asked.
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xjw_b12
Gitas !
One day watching some PG movie with an afghan over us in the same room as her parents (thank God for poor heating) I discovered the JW gf had some righteous and subtle hand skills. Hallelujah
Note to self. Remove all afghans from family room and living room, and turn up heat, when kids friends are over !
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CELEBRATE with me!!!!
by outnfree inyay!
i made the dean's list!
as some of you may recall, i decided to finally go to college a year after disassociating myself.
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xjw_b12
Awesome news outnfree.
So it was only lately, with the freedom from 5 meetings a week, field service, etc., and the children pretty much grown (youngest is 14), that I decided I could indulge my desire for a college education.
Yup. Off of the WBTS treadmill. Time is quickly filled up with other activities though, but at least it is with activities, that you WANT to do, and bring real satisfaction.
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JWs and extracurricular activities
by MoeJoJoJo injw children miss out on so much.
i was raised as a jw and there were so many school activities that i wanted to participate in but was not allowed.
i remember my gym teacher encouraging me to go out for soccer, i asked my parents if i could and of course i knew the answer would be no even before i asked.
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xjw_b12
MoJo. Yes it's great to be able to offer your kids the opportunity, to do things we were not allowed to do, or discouraged from doing. Our youngest daughter, was on the schools track and field team, the past few years, And she is in her 2nd year of Navy Cadets, as well as in the Navy Leaque band.
Our son is on the school wrestling team, and we have enrolled both of them in spring soccer league for the past 6 years now. ( Tuesday and Thursday evenings LOL ! )
They haven't known any other type of lifestyle, and that's fine by us.
Oh and one more thing......our kids Don't Hate Weekends !
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Elder came...grasped at straws...and left. UPDATE!
by searchfothetruth inwell i had a very interesting conversation on friday night.
sorry to be so long letting you know what happened.. only one elder turned up and i was wrong in my original thought that my mum had given him my report, it seems he was coming to ask me to study, therefore he was totally unprepared for what was about to happen to him.
but, i have to say, that he was the most honest elder i have spoke to and i'm sure you will be surprised by some of the things he said.. he started off wanting to know what made me stop going to the meetings and i related to him my experiences of a certain body of elders that had, to say the least, made me realise that they thought that they were a law unto themselves (including stealing, lying and generally being un-christian).
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xjw_b12
SFT Very Very interesting post. There are so many points in there I want to dissect, but i don't know where to start.
However....The fact that you were able to meet with said elder one on one, is in itself a victory. I have spoken to elders over the years, and one on one....well you actually get a lot of honesty. 2 elders though, or an elder a MS was a TOTALLY different story...and you know why.
Glad to see you were well prepared, and had all the proof. Don't ya just love going into a situation, where you know you have all the info, including what the rebuttals are. jw's are sooooo predictable.
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If You Could Form Your Own Religion, Would You? Why? Why Not???
by minimus ini notice such an anti-religion sentiment here for a variety of good reasons.
so many bad things have happened in the name of religion.
however, if you could see to it that your group was different, positive, would you like to be involved in such an endeavor?
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xjw_b12
Hippikon. Seeing you have been so successful, in starting your own religion, perhaps you can help me start mine.
I want to root out all the evil M&M's. The evil M&M's are red in colour, and have even been known to dance on occasion, though it appears that ability has been squashed, at least on this board.
Any suggestions, from yourself would be much appreciated.
xjw_b12 proported leader of the " Red M&M's are Evil " Cult
Hey and min. don't get your shorts in a knot. I love you man
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If They Found Out That You Were On This Board, What Would Happen?
by minimus inif the elders, certain family members or your "friends" knew that you frequented this board, what do you think would happen in your life?......personally, i think a jc would be imminent, and i am not talking about the coming of jesus christ, either.
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xjw_b12
HCM Clarification please !
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If They Found Out That You Were On This Board, What Would Happen?
by minimus inif the elders, certain family members or your "friends" knew that you frequented this board, what do you think would happen in your life?......personally, i think a jc would be imminent, and i am not talking about the coming of jesus christ, either.
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xjw_b12
DILLIRGAF !
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xjw_b12
OOPS, THIS POST IS REALLY FROM ME CALAMITY JANE, NOT xjw. I have to log him out and log me in. Geez
Good for you Sheila. Told you it wouldn't hurt. And yes, don't you feel sexy
I just went out yesterday shopping and bought couple of more navel decorations, One has wild florescent colours on the balls with rhinestones inset into one ball. The other one I bought was with a dolphin jumping over a star. Dolphins are my favourite.
xjw thinks that spot is directly connected to the other spot about four inches lower, and he was a little miffed with me because i came home with the two new decorations. He said he was suppose to buy things like that for me, because they are intimate things. So I told him give me the money I spent on them and voila you just bought me two new decorations. HE laughed. So we don't have any misunderstanding the next time, I told him where to go at the mall so he could buy me more
Yeah he's such a romantic, that's why I love him.
Welcome to the navel ring club.
cj of the "I want to get a tattoo next class"