Posts by Sparks

13

WARNING! The Elders are coming.....!

by Sparks in

jw
friends

hi gang.

if you live in england, be exspecting a call this month from the elders of your local kingdom hall if you have been dissfellowshiped,dissociated yourself or had any contact with the congregation in the past.....no it`s not coz they want their mouldy old books back; it`s some special effot ordered from bethel to get you back.....( obviously because their numbers have crashed since that panarama program last year,`suffer little chidren).

i was out shopping, when an elder from my local kingdom hall rugby tackled me.the sod had me cornered in a shop doorway for ten minutes...he told me that this special effort is for febuary only, and because he said it`s come down from bethel, i assume it`s only england.

Sparks

Hi Gang. If you live in England, be exspecting a call this month from the Elders of your local Kingdom Hall if you have been dissfellowshiped,dissociated yourself or had any contact with the congregation in the past.....No it`s not coz they want their mouldy old books back; It`s some special effot ordered from Bethel to get you back.....( obviously because their numbers have crashed since that Panarama program last year,`Suffer little Chidren). I was out shopping, when an Elder from my local Kingdom Hall rugby tackled me.The sod had me cornered in a shop doorway for ten minutes...He told me that this special effort is for Febuary only, and because he said it`s come down from Bethel, I assume it`s only England. The theme they will be using to woo people back is; The only place you can get information about God`s purpose, and have a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Jehovah God is at the Kingdom Hall...... ( this REALLY pissed me off, so I said;` Theres SIX BILLION people on this planet, the Jehovah`s witnesses are just a tiny-TINY minority.....HOW DARE YOU tell me, we out-side your religion can`t have personal relationship with God...!!!.cheeky bastard...... Needless to say, I walked off. Any-way, I just thought you should know their coming....

Sorry this posts abit Telegram-ish, I`ve gotta shot off now, as I`m very busy training my Pit Bull Terrier to go after any male wareing a cheap Burton suit carrying a briefcase, with a Holyer than Thou/super-silly-ous self-rightous look on his face.....To give my dog the JW scent and right taste, I`ve been feeding him Watchtowers. ( Warning: if you intend doing the same, please for the sake of your dog and carpets, DON`T feed him with Awake! magazines As this causes insomia and worse...CHRONIC diarrhoea. My poor dogs butt looks like that map on the beginning of Bananza.....For more info on the effects of Awake! magazines, see my post in Whats the dumbest reason you`ve been councilled) BFN..Sparks .

19

Email from a JW wannabe

by Quotes in

hi gang, the following email thread isn't extremely funny, but it does give some interesting insight into the mind of a jw-wannabe.

i received the following: .

dear quotes,.

Sparks

Hi again Quotes, I thanked you earlier in this thread, and would like the thankyou again....You have strenghend my belief that I made the right decission on dissfellowshiping the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society. Before reading your posts above, I was only 100% positive I`d done the right thing in divorcing them..., NOW I`m so certain, I can`t even begin to measure how positive I feel. I was born into the religion, and married it( baptized) in 1972, and buried my head in the sand-refusing to hear one word against it, rather like a very loyal husband refusing to believe one word against his partner....But there comes a point where you just can`t ignor the evidence. Well, I had all the evidence I needed months ago,and divorced her, but felt a great loss-- due to my loyalty. But all the above^ evidence has made me feel really glad to be free now.And I feel clean now....I could never stay in an organization that sheilds child molesters etc.. In the dictionary, to murder some-one, is to take their life. Adolf Hitler put 6 million people to death in the gas chambers.The Jehovah`s witnesses are taking away 6 million lives,( in a less phyical way...). Jesus was spot-on when he said `money is the root of all evil....

A billion thanks again Quotes...

P.S It warmed my heart to hear about your re-union with Beans..A lot of goods come out of your friendship, I am just one of many-MANY thats benefited from it. Please can you tell us your illustration of the house,a fire,and a warning...we`re all waitng.Even if Andy doesen`t reply.....Thanks Quotes, your my Hero !

17

Logically, the DA'd should not be shunned!

by metatron in

if the bible sez that shunning applies to "anyone called a brother" who engages in serious sin,.

then logically, if a person made clear to everyone - congregation, neighbors and community - that he is.

not one of jw's, no shunning would apply - over and above any 'worldly person'.. likewise, it would not apply to any df'd person either - if they made clear they are no longer a jw in any way.. of course, such logic cannot be grasped by the watchtower - who would voluntarily submit to their dominance.

Sparks

Thanx Lyin Eyes, finally some-one that`s on the same wavelengh....I think I`m in love....

I still have a copy of The Greatest Man who Ever Lived, I was moved by your post to re-read Study 86: The Story of the Lost Son, and got all chocked-up in side and still have the salt water in my eyes. It amazes me that the Jehovah`s witnesses have studied this book a few times, yet just don`t get it.....And they certainly don`t practice it.Sad people....

17

Logically, the DA'd should not be shunned!

by metatron in

if the bible sez that shunning applies to "anyone called a brother" who engages in serious sin,.

then logically, if a person made clear to everyone - congregation, neighbors and community - that he is.

not one of jw's, no shunning would apply - over and above any 'worldly person'.. likewise, it would not apply to any df'd person either - if they made clear they are no longer a jw in any way.. of course, such logic cannot be grasped by the watchtower - who would voluntarily submit to their dominance.

Sparks

Please forgive me if I`m wrong, but doesen`t the name Christian mean, follower of Christ(!?!) And doesen`t the Watchtower Tract Society claim to be a Christain religion...ie ..that Christ Jesus is the Leader/Founder of the basic teachings of Christianity.......

One of Jesus`s most famous lessons on how Christians should treat people, was in his illustration known as The Prodigal son. The bottom-line to this lesson was that,even though the son wanted to have his inheritance early so he could live the high life....ie.... piss it up against the wall, wine women and song, and smoke them funny Rasstaferian roll-ups etc....his old man was quiet happy to give it to him.The old man affectionately lets the son know he`l always be welcome back, and calls him a cab......THE SON WAS NOT SHUNNED. I don`t give a shit what the Governing body in Jerusalam said in Paul`s time, or the governing body of the WTS today......Jesus has the first and last word to ANY-- body --CLAIMING to be Christ--ians.

19

Email from a JW wannabe

by Quotes in

hi gang, the following email thread isn't extremely funny, but it does give some interesting insight into the mind of a jw-wannabe.

i received the following: .

dear quotes,.

Sparks

.....love the phrase about love bombing ( never heard it before), the witnesses remind me of the bloody Mafia...They kiss you tenderly just before they kill you....The witnesses stretch it out a little longer thats all..!!!Thanks Quotes, brilliant post as always.....Godddd....I wish I was as kool and patient as you guy`s.....

14

nwt bible

by edp81 in

.

can anyone tell me how to get a copy of the new world translation of the bible?.

i would also like to get a copy of "reasoning with the scriptures".. thanks.

Sparks

....walk into ANY JW Assembly, which are open to public, ask ATTENDENT where the BOOK-ROOM is. ALL Jw books are FREE and you will not be asked any questions. MAKE-SURE YOU ARE CLEAN LOOKING, HAIR NOT LONG....you MUST wear a tie/suit etc....DO NOY SWAIR OR SMOKE OR DRINK BEER etc...Just walk in at lunch-time usally 12:30pm., and do as afore ....don`t worry about ANY-THING. these assemblies are public ESPECALLY ON SUNDAY, and as I said ALL BOOKS ARE FREE, Y ou have every right to go. WORD OF WARNING: DO NOT HANG AROUND as the JWs are looking out for Perverts/theifs etc.....Try not to speak to any-one as they will try to preach to you or pump information out of you.I suggest you go with a female........Or try car boot sales or put add in local paper.Lastly, go to any EX-JW. Good luck.

155

Whats the dumbest reason youve been counseled?

by avishai in

my friend was counseled for having a bad attitude because he wore white socks w/ his suit.

Sparks

Hi Mac, yeah I used to get the same all the time...ie...elder`s standing at the back of the hall dueing my talk opening and closeing their jackets or raincoats....But in my case, they were just flashing....! (pervs)

29

how many ex circuit, district ,zone overseers ?

by dannywalsh in

i am interested to hear from former circuit,district ,zone , bethel branch overseers or those who were elders or served as gileadgraduate missionaries or special pioneers who have left the wt society because of doubts or crisis of conscience because of wt theology and practices , as i find it encouraging to hear from thier experiences and im sure others on the forum would too

Sparks

Hi yyyya Brotherrrr Beanzzzzzzz(hic) on my twentiifff can of Fosterrrrrzzzzzzzzz( hic) I`mm tryingg to be a goood dizzziple and followw in yorrr foot strepszzzz ( hic-zarrrrrrr) messaggge understood Sirrr, will now rrrrread your web-zite and zzubmit a report....pleazzzzzzzzzz beer along we me ... back sssssoon (hic)

Ha ha ha...very funny, I`ve only been gone twenty minutes, now I``m as sober as a Judge...( that was a rotten trick to pull on me...Brother Beans).Still it`s worth remembering, I`ll recommend it to any witnesses that come banging on my door in the future....maybe it will sober them up too....

I haven`t read all your pages yet, I had to come off after seeing a little JW with a flash-light moving around the screen.....I was frightend I`d start seeing pink elephants next, but I will return later...Actually Beans, your web-site was one of, if not, the first web-site I visited on buying this computer. It`s the first really rebellious thing I did while still regarding myself as a Jehovah`s witness, I was starting to feel like I was in a One flew over the Cockoo`s nest situation (film with Jack Nickelson) and in some sort of terrible nightmare- Dreamworld, surounded by the living-dead.....so just like the Americian guy in Midnight Express (film) I desided to walk around the other way....

The first thing that impressed me about your web-site, apart from the set-up and very professional graphics,was the amazing amount of research you`ve done....it must has taken years !!! But un-like when reading stuff about the witnesses or seeing Panarama on TV where my first trained re-action was `no...this can`t be true......With your plain and simple ` YOU said it...Take-it or leave it...I`m not saying a bloody word...approach, it was like having a cold shower at first, then like you`d just walked in the Gents toilet at an assembly and cault one of the Governimg Body spankin` the pony.........It was like finding the missing pieces of a jig-saw puzzal for me personally Beans, because for a bout twenty years or more I``ve either felt deeply patronized by the same old stuff being repeated for 5 hours a week or more, not including the reading or brain deadened.I felt deeply sorry for the brothers and sisters that had been in the congregation even longer than me (30 years).So I desided to make my next talk really differant..ie Deep and highly philosopical, so I dug in to the OLD Wachtowers and publications.....After two minutes into my talk I had 150 witnesses staring at me with their mouths open and two elders waving at me and pulling stupid faces....And no-body opened their bible on my request to read a scripture in Philemon..........(obviously they had never read other scriptures apart from 2 Timothy 3 etc...which are used in EVERY meeting). What really hurt me was that they treated me like some sort of nut case after that....or Apostate....So you can understand Beans how your fantastic web-site effected me personally. The Jehovah`s witnesses are frightend of their own shaddow behind them......

( If you are brand new here, or just visiting this web-site, please go to Bean`s web-site, it`s in the LAST MESSAGE)

I`ll send in another report Beans if you want me to, please ask....I welcome your Shepparding call.ANY-TIME... I`ll roll out the red carpet for you at Heathrow.....Ha Beans, a long time ago, I saw a huge bill-bourd near the airport ..It said ` DRINK CANADA DRY.......was that one of yours????

155

Whats the dumbest reason youve been counseled?

by avishai in

my friend was counseled for having a bad attitude because he wore white socks w/ his suit.

Sparks

ah..........what a shame you and David didn`t skateboard over their JW status symbols parked out-side dueing the meeting..!!!.....oh and Valis, THEY WERE all staring at you Bro....it`s just difficault to tell; them all having two faces!!! ....And where else would they rather you be.?.. ..Tied to the main gates, your shirt striped-off and recieving 100 lashes with the horse-whip....( the only reason they don`t do this is because it would cause half the elders to rush into the Gents toilet to spank the pony).......( see Silence of the Lambs/BBC Panarama TVprogram, if you are new). In England, many elders forbid chidren watching The Simpsons as they are terrified Bart might become a role-model and child start to act like children....sad reality I know, but true....They also don`t like ANY age group walking around the wrong way in their nightmarish dream-world ( Midnight Express/film)..

155

Whats the dumbest reason youve been counseled?

by avishai in

my friend was counseled for having a bad attitude because he wore white socks w/ his suit.

Sparks

P.S

Regarding 11:Telling househoulder Awake! magazines are simular to Readers Digest.........Looking back, I wish I would have explained WHY the Awake! magazine is simular to Readers Digest to the Householder.....1 :Their both writen for old farts ( if your under 60 and read em, youv`e gotta problem) and writen BY old farts. 2: Their both bloody patronizing...ie...two page spread.`How best to use up your unwanted bread..WHY NOT GIVE IT TO THE BIRDS!!!!! or ELECTRONIC GAMES Is There a Dark Side? 3: Their both a bloody good cure for insomia or chronic constipation ( real eye of a needle job- Minestrone).4: Most of the articals....especally if writen by `our correspondent in......start with the same old smarmy-greasy-sugerysweet sickening tone of semi-poetry...Example:artical from our correspondent in New Zealand about mountain bikes starts...`It`s early morning as the sun rises into the marmalade skies, streching it`s arms across the land..The sound of rubber on the dew covered tar mac, the air is filled with the sweet scent of Honeysuckle and Jasmin.....the spinning back wheel leaves a thin trail of diamonds on the frost covered road.Heres how to fix a puncture first you........

....shit, I shouldn`t have typed that...now I can feel a touch of Gandi`s revenge comin` on ( hope I`ve got enough toilet paper in the house...aahhhhhhhhh sorry, gotta go...