Social interaction is not something that has been easy for me even as a child. I don't know how much being jw contributed to it or if it was due to being one of the youngest in a large family or any number of other factors including physical abuse and emotional abuse from my mother. Anyway, I was painfully shy and my parents were of the 'children should be seen and not heard' variety. Up until very recently, I viewed social interaction as hard work, feeling that I was 'on' or entertaining people and I would view myself from behind my eyes or as I thought I appeared to people. This was quite tedious and so I naturally avoided people as much as possible. I dreaded field service and my presentations were always carefully scripted. At congregation and family gatherings I was often the one in the corner with a book.
It even affected my employment where, working in civil service jobs, I would score the highest on exams yet place somewhere in the middle on list rankings because my subsequent interview score would yank my overall score down. Spontaneous conversation was a laborious chore. I couldn't even engage in free hearted joshing as I often edited my responses carefully before actually replying.
Dating was a total nightmare and even though I am not at all hard on the eyes, I have only had two serious relationships, one of which ended in marriage.
Well, about four years ago I met a psychologist at work and somehow we began dating, mainly due to his persistence. Thankfully, he has been working with me to become a more social person and I have made great progress due to his assistance. He told me that I lived inside my head and that I didn't engage with people.
For instance, when I knew I would make an attempt for an administrative technology position which would require creating a project and making a long presentation, he worked with me on developing my social skills. It's funny to think about it now, but he told me that my biggest challenge would not be showcasing my technical skills but establishing a rapport with the interview panel. He said I would need to learn how to engage with people and gave me an assignment that began with just speaking with people. And so I did, initiating spontaneous conversations with tellers, grocery checkers, neighbors and so on for months before my presentation. And wouldn't you know it, I nailed the interview and got the job!!! Actually, I placed in the top 3 out of 300 initial applicants with the difference between the top 3 being a fraction of a point. Seniority points were figured in and I had the least. Anyway, since that time, and with his help, I have become quite the social butterfly, at least at work and in my family.
However, being social on this site is difficult and ost of my responses on are either quick 'me too' responses or responses to subjects that I am passionate about.
yrs2long