It wasn't that I believed it, per se, I just repeated back what I was told and followed the rules so I wouldn't get sent to the back room.
But one story is telling of how I felt. So, I finally place a magazine and the guy actually seemed interested in our religion. He had been looking for a place to worship. I remember not wanting to do a return visit because I didn't want him to have the burden of it all.
I thought I had to do it. I was trapped in it with no way out. It's like I was living out 2 lives at the same time. Always having to keep up appearances so you wouldn't be too suspicious but hanging out with the wordliest witnesses I could find because that's who I really was. But you wear your dress, do your talks, get a few hours a month, underline the whatever, answer sometimes...and as I type this - how far removed from a heartfelt belief in Jesus it is!
I am grateful for it (because I got out of it), it shaped me and I wouldn't be who I am today.