god...hmmm I once knew what that word meant to me. I no longer subscribe to that antiquated thought process. The damage done when I came out of that delusion the FIRST time is not anything that I EVER wish to go through again...I am an agnostic for the only reason that when I became a father that was the closest thing to any type of "spiritual experience" that I have ever had. "god" no longer has any significant meaning. When the troof made us believe that there is best left NO separation between god and self they set in us a very dangerous booby trap. When separation did happen the break was traumatic...to rob one of the belief of god is one thing, but to rob one of the ABILITY to BELIEVE in a god is even worse...thast my take on it. F U JW!
Posts by zanex
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47Does God still exist for you?
by nakedmvistar ini'm quite new to this forum (only a handful of posts).
but from what i've read up to now, it seems apparent that some of you have abandoned your belief in a god.
is this because of trauma brought about by the jw religion?
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zanex remembers...and writes
by zanex inmy breathing quickens.
something tightens around my chest.
walls closing in.
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zanex
U got it!
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zanex remembers...and writes
by zanex inmy breathing quickens.
something tightens around my chest.
walls closing in.
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zanex
ladylee: yah there is a lot of stuff in there...I guess the more I heal the more garbage comes to the surface. I hope I get a little brighter...eventually...
Spaz: always lovely to hear whatever comments u have on something...I'm breathin, life is ok. The more I write, the more it all comes off of me. Self-catharsis is always touch and go stuff. Been feeling kinda odd lately...not that I ever really feel 'normal' tho..LOL <<<<<waves back..
LISA: oh lisa lisa lisa...:) you crack me up...yah poetry isnt for everyone , i heard that. LOL..(wonders about reflections of the paradise) pppfffttttt yah right! Hey we gonna have lunch this week or what? :)
Edited by - zanex on 10 September 2002 12:16:27
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zanex remembers...and writes
by zanex inmy breathing quickens.
something tightens around my chest.
walls closing in.
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zanex
my breathing quickens
something tightens around my chest
walls closing in
no free thoughts allowed to start
fear of immortal judgement
intimidation of the unknown
bars wrap around my mind
growth, evoloution halted, forbidden to be grown
a life denied...
dreams allowed to die
all for a "brother's" redemption
hopes fallen from the sky
freedom comes with a price
freedom brings pain, grief, strife
loved ones, blood alike are lost
is it fair...this life?
shunned by family
avoided by friends
some of us crawl
the rest call an early end
where am I?
where are YOU?
are we at all at peace?
was your answer to that question honest, true?
one lesson we learned
survival depending on how well
"nothing free in life"
heaven as well as hell
am I healed?
no.
for OUR scars no total cure there will ever be
we live, we breathe, we grow
strength in numbers
unity in our new lives, our new group
trust, in corruption, they gave us
in the end...we triumph...whatever that means...
---zanex---
had to put this somewhere...I just sat down and the words just kind of came out...make of it whatever you will...
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invictus
by zanex ini will keep this short...havent posted in a while.
i was readin a poem that i keep up on my cork board that has some meaning for me.
there may be others here that have read it before.
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zanex
I will keep this short...havent posted in a while. I was readin a poem that I keep up on my cork board that has some meaning for me. There may be others here that have read it before. It was written by William Ernest Henley.
Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul...
thanx...
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zanex sez ltrz
by zanex in.
i'm outta here...been nice meetin y'all...not sure whats gonna happen but...ltrz...gotta focus on livin outside of this board.....
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zanex
I'm outta here...been nice meetin y'all...not sure whats gonna happen but...ltrz...gotta focus on livin outside of this board....
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zanexical connundrum
by zanex ini met a lady...as i have mentioned here before i am going thru a divorce and it hasnt been the nicest thing in the world...i met someone who has been very nice to me and patient with me and doesnt expect anythin out of me other than for me to be myself..she is a non-jw..we have been kind of just seein each other randomly.
i like her...i am a bit nervous about gettin into any type of relatinship just now and she understands that and accepts that.
i feel sooo scarred by what happened to me in that horridly destructive marriage that i dont know if i am ever going to be able to completely trust women in general but this one has been proving herself to be nothing but trustworthy and honest.
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zanex
spaz:ahhh whut wud i do without ya? lol...thanx fer the nice words of support...and yah I HAVE sort of been away from the board for a while havent I..lol
joanna:thanx fer the wordz...I know that it will take a while before the damage that my ex did to me will pass...it is just hard right now to focus..ya know? I am sure ya do...and yep I am still going thru the divorce process but I have a feeling that it will not be too too long before this is all cleared up..my ex wants to make me dissapear as fast as I want HER to dissapear...lol..anyway..LTRS!
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Control me. - Lady Lee
by Lady Lee inwhat to feel,.
tell me what to say.. to save me,.
protect me,.
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zanex
the wordz ring true to many of us and they hit the hearts, minds, and souls of probably many more than we know...:) Excellent m'lady lee
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I'm back from my vacation in HELL
by annalice inso i've been gone this past week .
i was on a vacation with my husband an his whooooooooooooole family who are allllllllllllllllllllll very very devout witnesses.
so i decided to take along one of my harry potter books to read.
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zanex
LOL LOL LOL lmao leave it to the jw borg collective to bash on somethin as harmless as harry potter! lol damn that was funny...I member all the dayz when my dad wud get bent at me for readin issac asimov or larry niven or ANYTHING even remotely fantasy oriented and then throwin it out..lol..geezzz HARRY POTTER? Whats next..?
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zanexical connundrum
by zanex ini met a lady...as i have mentioned here before i am going thru a divorce and it hasnt been the nicest thing in the world...i met someone who has been very nice to me and patient with me and doesnt expect anythin out of me other than for me to be myself..she is a non-jw..we have been kind of just seein each other randomly.
i like her...i am a bit nervous about gettin into any type of relatinship just now and she understands that and accepts that.
i feel sooo scarred by what happened to me in that horridly destructive marriage that i dont know if i am ever going to be able to completely trust women in general but this one has been proving herself to be nothing but trustworthy and honest.
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zanex
syn: a soulmate..hmmm that cud be a definite possibility but admitting that to myself is a bit difficult but I'll see what happens...thanx..
vivamus: I am goin for it but taking it one day at a time I dont wanna get burned again...dont think I cud handle another abusive relationship...sigh...thanx fer the advice tho!