Here's the deal, sweetie!
Life drops some cards on your table - and you've been dealt a rather nasty Joker called the WTBTS. Makes you want to toss in your whole hand and forfeit your ante. Now you can't beat the dealer, cause you're going to lose out in the end, but you can give the dealer a hell of a run for his money by dropping that Joker right off the bat.
I'm bipolar, and labored for years under the delusion that God was staring like a burning sun into the back of my head at every thought I ever had. Guess what? The Society LIES!!! They aren't just wrong, or misguided, or stupid, they LIE maliciously to control you and feed their egos at the swelling ranks of drones that prove to themselves that they really ARE going to heaven. If you need proof of that, well, that's another forum.
So, I've tried suicide and all that jazz, but you know what? I like to live. It's fun. GOD MADE IT THAT WAY! Eden means pleasure, he wants his humans to have fun! 24/7! Jesus drank, spent a lot of time with prostitutes, got into fights, defied authority, hung out with low-class people, and basically was everything that the Old Fogies are terrified of.
So my practical suggestion to you is a threesome. And when you get over all that agonizing guilt and God hasn't smote you, and you realize you kind of liked it, then maybe you'll be ready to live a little. Build! Create! Make a better world, don't just sit around and pray for one!
Get mind numbingly drunk and try playing darts. Write a poem about your hangover the next morning. Get it published. Marry your publisher. Live happily ever after.
I could go on, and fully intend to for a long, long time.
CZAR