Jeff that has crossed my mind. In way of compromise I have thought about spending my maternity leave over there. That's 4 months. Have the baby in the US and get everything in writing before we left so that I could come back to the US after my maternity leave was over. At least that way he could be there full time during the first few months. That's the best I can do. The more I think about it I just cannot see myself living there permanently. I will definetely consult with a lawyer first. Kid-A he has the same rights as a US citizen would. It would not surprise me if he has more rights in the US than in the UK. I know the laws there are not father friendly especially when unmarried. I heard they changed some of the laws but are still way behind the US in terms of fathers rights. About wanting the baby 100%. True it was an accident but that does not mean the child will feel unwanted. I was an accident and I never felt unwanted. I really don't care if my prospects are limited because I would have a child. If he is Mr. Right it will not matter that I have a child.
unbeliever
JoinedPosts by unbeliever
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62
I have to make one of the toughest decisions of my life
by unbeliever ini am not even sure why i am posting because its so personal but i could really use some advice.
i am also embarrassed that i got myself in this situation.
there is this guy that i have known for a couple of years.
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62
I have to make one of the toughest decisions of my life
by unbeliever ini am not even sure why i am posting because its so personal but i could really use some advice.
i am also embarrassed that i got myself in this situation.
there is this guy that i have known for a couple of years.
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unbeliever
Amos you are an ass and you don't know what the hell you are talking about. If I was really interested in his money I would have quit my job and married him already and be living in his damn mansion and shopping all day at Harrods on his dime but I'm not. I have never asked him for a penny. Get a clue. So what if I would sleep with him when he was in town on business. We are both single adults who enjoyed each others company like having sex with each other. That does not make me a ho. If you still think like that go back to the KH.
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62
I have to make one of the toughest decisions of my life
by unbeliever ini am not even sure why i am posting because its so personal but i could really use some advice.
i am also embarrassed that i got myself in this situation.
there is this guy that i have known for a couple of years.
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unbeliever
I wanted to comment on the adoption and abortion topics. I did not give much thought to adoption. Once I decided I was going to have it there was no question I was going to keep it. I know there are couples out there who desperately want children, I know some of those couples but in my situation I cannot give the baby up. I have always been very careful about birth control but the condom broke. It happens. Ultimately I decided not to have the abortion because I did not want it to haunt me for the rest of my life and I felt an abortion would be taking the easy and most convienent way out in my situation. I am not saying that to offend anyone. It's just how I felt. I am not judging anyone who has had an abortion. It a very personal decision and each person has to do what they feel is right for them. Maybe if I was 18 or something I would have made a very different decision but I am 25 and have a house and a very good job. I can at least support a child fiancially.The part that scares me to death is raising the child by myself. I've always considered myself a very responsible person but I have only been responsible for myself. Now I am responsible for this human being. I know the damage parents can do to their children. I saw the damage my JW mother has done to me and the rest of my siblings. I know UK guy might sound very controlling but family is everything to him which is why I was considering a move to England. I know he would make a great father and this baby would stand more of a chance at turning out normal than if I raised him/her by myself but giving up my security and job might not nesessairly be in the childs best interest. If I'm miserable then the child can sense that. Which is why I said it would be so much easier if I loved him. Kinda sucks I don't but I can't make myself love him.
The ideal situation would be for him to move to the US and raise the child with me. On the flip side his family, business, is all in England. How things turned out with Mulan's daughter in law is great. He told me last night he would only be able to come to the US maybe 3-4 days a month and he brought out how is he supposed to be a father on such limited time especially during the first year. This just sucks.
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62
I have to make one of the toughest decisions of my life
by unbeliever ini am not even sure why i am posting because its so personal but i could really use some advice.
i am also embarrassed that i got myself in this situation.
there is this guy that i have known for a couple of years.
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unbeliever
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I am so relieved there is a concesus that moving is a bad idea. His guilt trips really do get to me and he really put me through the ringer last night. Georgia I got a chuckle from your moral clause comment. It's just kind of funny. I live in Las Vegas and work for a law firm. No moral clauses in Las Vegas or the law firm. lol
You are right that I need to protect myself legally. He is rich so therefore has the resources to use the court system to make my life really difficult but I don't think it will come to that. I really want him in the picture where the child is concerned so would bend over backwards to make sure he as as much access as possible.
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62
I have to make one of the toughest decisions of my life
by unbeliever ini am not even sure why i am posting because its so personal but i could really use some advice.
i am also embarrassed that i got myself in this situation.
there is this guy that i have known for a couple of years.
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unbeliever
I am not even sure why I am posting because its so personal but I could really use some advice. I am also embarrassed that I got myself in this situation. There is this guy that I have known for a couple of years. He lives in the UK and when he comes to town on business we usually get together. Our relationship had always been no strings attached, no commitment, etc. On his last visit I accidently got pregnant. I agonized for weeks on what I should do and even made an appointment for an abortion but ultimately I could not go through with it and decided to keep the baby. Here is the decision I have to make. I know parents are supposed to make sacrifices for their children and all but I am not sure how big of a sacrifice I should make.
The baby's father wants to be involved and that is a huge relief to me because I don't want to raise the child on my own. Here is the thing though we live in different countries. He is in his late 30's and I know has always wanted children. He says this is a sign we should be together and he is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me to marry him and move to the UK. I care for him a great deal but I am not in love with him. I know his feelings for me are deeper for me that mine are for him but I don't think he loves me. Also I will not have any family there and very few friends. My career is going really well and if I moved to the UK it would really set me back. I have done a pro con list and the only pro I can come up with is that my child will have a father full time and I would not have to raise him or her by myself. I really don't have a clue about raising kids. I think I would be miserable though in the UK.
It's just not feasible for him to move to the US full time. He says he will do almost anything for me to move there. I shot down the idea of marriage real quick. He says he will support me and I would not have to worry about money and that he can help me with my career. I just feel trapped. It's like why do I have to be the one to make such huge changes? He told me to try living there for a year. If I did not like it come back. I know legally because of the baby he could keep me in the UK for a good long while. He says now that he would let me go back but I am not sure he would still feel the same way a year later. You know I might not even be able to live much less work in the UK. He says he will have a lawyer take care of everything. I know its not that simple.
Here in the US I have a strong support network, and my career. I would have no problem supporting the baby. On the other hand I would be more than likely doing it by myself the majority of the time and that prospect scares me to death. If I live in the UK I could marry this guy, be a stay at home mom or have a career (but be set back a couple of years) and most importantly the child have 2 parents. It would be so much easier if I loved this guy but I just don't.
Am I being horribly selfish wanting to stay in the US? Am I putting my needs before the childs? He says that I am being selfish and that it sounds like I am only concerned about my career. It was so unfair of him to say that. I told him to move to the US and we could split 50/50 custody but he said in the long term it would be a disaster for him. He's right it would be. It would be really hard to run his business from the US. He thinks because he is already established there it would just be plain stupid to move to the US. Since I am just starting out well no big sacrifice for me especially since he is willing to marry me and support me. How noble of him. What would you do in my position? I am in agony over this and don't know what to do.
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What's the best way to let someone down gently?
by ballistic ini'm so used to getting dumped myself, now the situation is reversed i'm not sure what to say.
i don't want to do the chicken shit thing and ignore her.
i think she is a vulnerable girl.
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unbeliever
You made the right decision Ballistic. I don't think she is ready to be in a relationship with anyone.
BlessedStar... waiting to have sex until marriage is one hell of a risk. What if you find you are not sexually compatible? Better to test the goods before marriage. You are preventing a future divorce.
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Hateful Christian
by Dr Jekyll ini'm quite open minded, it takes a lot to shock or offend me but i found this really offensive.
how on earth can this woman justify calling herself a christian?!?!.
there are some really sick people out there, here's a church full of them.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g470rfjqci
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unbeliever
I saw this interview and youtube did not show the whole thing. Toward the end of the interview Colmes asked her what Jesus would think of her behavior and she said that he would be protesting right along with them. Really sick people. If I remember correctly these are the same people that protested Matthew Shepherds funeral several years ago. He was tortured to death by some gay bashers.
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I should call the police on "SickofLies" JC committee
by kwintestal inanyone who listened to sol's recordings, would have heard at the end of the first recording of the second appeal meeting (the one that he showed up with a bearded jw named "sean") sol mentioning a second recording device that remained in a brief case recording the elders as they discussed sol's case without him present.
perhaps you are wondering what happened to those.
well, let me fill you in.. sometime while sol was dismissed from the group for the second time, the elders searched the brief case.
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unbeliever
I love watching this game of cat and mouse. The original elders on SOL's JC meeting are going to shit their pants when the find themselves all over the internet. I get the feeling the appeal elders have more experience with apostates that the original JC and will not be as shocked.
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unbeliever
$2.81
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46
Will the elders listen to me even though i'm disfellowshiped
by Lehaa inhe's refusing to pay maintenance.
hanging aroung with disfellowshiped people and just being a plain arse hole.
after enduring months of shit from him i'vce decided to call the elders in his congregation.
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unbeliever
forget the elders. let the court system handle this.