I am not even sure why I am posting because its so personal but I could really use some advice. I am also embarrassed that I got myself in this situation. There is this guy that I have known for a couple of years. He lives in the UK and when he comes to town on business we usually get together. Our relationship had always been no strings attached, no commitment, etc. On his last visit I accidently got pregnant. I agonized for weeks on what I should do and even made an appointment for an abortion but ultimately I could not go through with it and decided to keep the baby. Here is the decision I have to make. I know parents are supposed to make sacrifices for their children and all but I am not sure how big of a sacrifice I should make.
The baby's father wants to be involved and that is a huge relief to me because I don't want to raise the child on my own. Here is the thing though we live in different countries. He is in his late 30's and I know has always wanted children. He says this is a sign we should be together and he is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me to marry him and move to the UK. I care for him a great deal but I am not in love with him. I know his feelings for me are deeper for me that mine are for him but I don't think he loves me. Also I will not have any family there and very few friends. My career is going really well and if I moved to the UK it would really set me back. I have done a pro con list and the only pro I can come up with is that my child will have a father full time and I would not have to raise him or her by myself. I really don't have a clue about raising kids. I think I would be miserable though in the UK.
It's just not feasible for him to move to the US full time. He says he will do almost anything for me to move there. I shot down the idea of marriage real quick. He says he will support me and I would not have to worry about money and that he can help me with my career. I just feel trapped. It's like why do I have to be the one to make such huge changes? He told me to try living there for a year. If I did not like it come back. I know legally because of the baby he could keep me in the UK for a good long while. He says now that he would let me go back but I am not sure he would still feel the same way a year later. You know I might not even be able to live much less work in the UK. He says he will have a lawyer take care of everything. I know its not that simple.
Here in the US I have a strong support network, and my career. I would have no problem supporting the baby. On the other hand I would be more than likely doing it by myself the majority of the time and that prospect scares me to death. If I live in the UK I could marry this guy, be a stay at home mom or have a career (but be set back a couple of years) and most importantly the child have 2 parents. It would be so much easier if I loved this guy but I just don't.
Am I being horribly selfish wanting to stay in the US? Am I putting my needs before the childs? He says that I am being selfish and that it sounds like I am only concerned about my career. It was so unfair of him to say that. I told him to move to the US and we could split 50/50 custody but he said in the long term it would be a disaster for him. He's right it would be. It would be really hard to run his business from the US. He thinks because he is already established there it would just be plain stupid to move to the US. Since I am just starting out well no big sacrifice for me especially since he is willing to marry me and support me. How noble of him. What would you do in my position? I am in agony over this and don't know what to do.