Today I wished my dad a happy Father's Day. He told me "thank you, I know you feel this way on all days and not just today". Then he told me that he will miss me at the district convention next week. WHAT? Why does that have to be brought up? I didn't say anything about it. I know he was trying to be nice...I guess. What should I reply back to this?
Elbear
JoinedPosts by Elbear
-
4
Father's Day
by Elbear intoday i wished my dad a happy father's day.
he told me "thank you, i know you feel this way on all days and not just today".
then he told me that he will miss me at the district convention next week.
-
-
-
46
Why do JWs get married at a young age?
by XPeterX inages like 20-25 or younger.i mean damn,a 21 year old guy in my congo got baptised a couple weeks back and now his in a relationship with a jw gal and their getting married soon.any thoughts?.
-
-
Elbear
I remember I went to a JW "prom" thrown by a prominent family in the congregation. This was basically their time to pick out a suitable wife for their young son who was in highschool. The guy stuck by his "date" the entire night. I remember I had a theory that while I was at uni, this same couple would be getting married. Low and behold, it happend just this way.
I even remember the mother of this boy eyeing me ALL THE TIME in this creepy way. In the middle of the meeting I'd turn and see her staring. I guess she was marking me to see if I was suitable for her son. I passed the appearance test, but the spirituality test, not so much. She would ask my mother and I very inquisitive questions all the time, to "check in". She quit after a while, but the stares never stopped.
Thankfully, this weird getting married young thing was one of the main factors involved in waking me up. I knew that what these kids wasn't true love but mere infatuation. I mean how can you know what you want in a mate when you never had the oppritunity to spend time alone? Unfortunately for these kids, they then begin living the life of an adult, smething theya re hardly prepared for. I have no idea how they will support each other with no education or even expirience living without parent's care.
-
4
Muslim
by free2beme ini have a good friend who is a muslim, i think all religions are a joke to some degree ... in that they take themselves so serious.
however, i have to ask, why in modern history are the acts of terror that shake the world carried out by muslims so much?
i ask this, as there has got to be something in the teaching that needs to be changed.
-
-
Elbear
It isn't the teaching of Islam, rather it is the ever expanding prescene of jihadist extremeists in Muslim societies. Jihad carries several meanings:
-Jihad against the soul: Struggling against the soul to yearn for the Religion, act upon those teachings, and call others to them.
-Jihad against Shaytan: Struggling against Satan without doubts or desires.
-Jihad against the disbelievers, hypocrites and apostates: this is done with the tongue, hand, heart and wealth.
-Jihad against heretics, liars, and evilfolk: This is best done with the hand, if not the hand then the tongue, if that's not possible then the heart.While jihad is rooted in the base of Islam, obviously not every meaning promotes violence, as seen in the first definition. The greater Jihad concerns the internal struggle insie every Muslim to do what is right in the name of Allah. The last two definitions are the one that many of us Westerners see manifest in groups such as Al-Qaeda and form the lesser Jihad, or those who are causing war against Islam.
Jihadist extremeists beleive that western influence is what is changing, and in their eyes ruining, Islam. They beleive that there needs to be a movement back to traditional muslim values rather than globalization. As you mentioned, politics places a large role in their stance. Modern day jihadism focuses on the need for a change in society's ideology, away from the secular values of the wes. They think that rather than letting this change happen naturally, it can more efficiently be brought about through action and a stance of violence. They also think that it is the duty of a Muslim to become a jihadist and fight against these negative influence. If the indvidual does not heed this call, they can justifiably be killed. This is obviously not the view of al Muslims.
Just like in Christianity, radical groups emerge and spew their hate. They believe that they are working to better Islam on the whole and for the good of their country. But the means in which they are doing it ony perpetrates evil. It is not Islam that is neccesarily the root of these atrocities, but those who interpreted it incorrectly. Islam actually states that the killing of innocence is fundamentally wrong, thus terrorist acts are also wrong. The majority of Muslims do not advocate violence in the name of Allah.
When looking at it from this perspective, it is much easier to understand the dilemma had. It is almost impossible to change the ideology of a certain group short of wiping that group out. But these extreme perspectives have already rooted themselves in many communities, and many believers are vulnerable to becoming caught up in these teachings. Hopefully in the end the good will outweigh the evil.
I hope this answers your questions.
-
35
New here
by Elbear ini'm a female jw who has been lurking for a little while but finally has the balls to post something.
i am in need of adivce and help.
i still feel a little nervous typing out these words on an "apostate" website.. i am a born-in jw, 4th generation.
-
-
Elbear
Thank all of you for the replies. I have already started taking some of your advice to heart. I'm still conflicted but I finally am feeling that I am on the right path to finding peace. I will be seeing a therapist soon to start discussing my fears and hopefully my mental state will be much better. I hope that I can eventually distinguish reality from fantasy. I really appreciate having people who understand to talk to. So again thank you all so, so much!
-
35
New here
by Elbear ini'm a female jw who has been lurking for a little while but finally has the balls to post something.
i am in need of adivce and help.
i still feel a little nervous typing out these words on an "apostate" website.. i am a born-in jw, 4th generation.
-
-
Elbear
Thank you all for such a warm welcome so quickly!
LouBelle: I agree on the weed thing. I feel like sometimes it takes me into the recesses of my mind, which at the moment is not a very stable place to be spending my time. I've cut back on the ganja.
Cptkirk: Believe me I am usually a very rational person. And it's not really JW doctrine that has me tossing and turning at night or my contrary way of thinking. Sure that is at the heart of it, in that I think about things like Armmegeddon and what not. But it more so the stuff that I have found myself wrapped up in as of late. I am sure many of you know the Vigilant Citizen and what he professes. It is all to easy to get caught up in his words, which I think becuase of my altered and vulerable mental state, make "sense" to me. That and his writing just feels so logical. Of course, he is just another crazy. At least I want to think so. I can't help but have that dark suspicion in the pit of my stomach that maybe there is some truth to his saying that there is evil in this world and where it stems from. I need to find a way to block out this stuff from my mind as well as my desire to inquire further. It's been hard as I am naturally curious. But once that junk is in there it's almost impossible to get it out. I need to focus on the good in life.
I also wanted to ask you all, do you think there is any way I can appeal to my parents? I am trying hard to find a method of reason that will click with them.
-
35
New here
by Elbear ini'm a female jw who has been lurking for a little while but finally has the balls to post something.
i am in need of adivce and help.
i still feel a little nervous typing out these words on an "apostate" website.. i am a born-in jw, 4th generation.
-
-
Elbear
Hi all. I'm a female JW who has been lurking for a little while but finally has the balls to post something. I am in need of adivce and help. I still feel a little nervous typing out these words on an "apostate" website.
I am a born-in jw, 4th generation. My family is very influential in our hall. We take up a whole row when we are all together! I never progressed farther than giving talks, i am not even an unbaptized publisher. But this beliefs have been rooted into my very core. My parents always tried to inculcate spirtuality in me from a young age, but we were not the ideal family. We did not go out in field service as often as we should have and my parents were hevily involved in their jobs. I don't have many fond memories of the Kingdom Hall, just mean girls and false smiles. I hated going. I would find myself zoning out and eventually stopped singing and commenting all together.
I never really felt bad about my reputation as the "bad-girl" at the hall, as I knew that I NEVER did anything. No dating, no boys, no drugs, no R rated movies, nothing. Mothers feared me and I could see the wariness and apprehensive looks all over their faces when their children would talk to me. I was so different from my jw friends though, who dated around with other jws, watched bad movies and listened to crazy music.
Another thing that really set me apart was my parents view on education. They sent me to a very prestigious high school and always made sure that I knew my stuff. Unfortunately for them, this lent to my crtical attitue and skepticism about the doctrine I was taught. I went off to college, a Catholic school non the less, which wasn't well recieved by members of my congregation. In fact, at the last meeting I attended, I told a sister I was thinking about gradschool just recently and she told me that I was basically at the forked road and hopefully I would choose the path of light. What a turn off.
My boyfriend has been with me for 4 years and still does not have my parents approval simply because he is an unbeliever. He is loyal and loving and respectful and is everything a parent could hope for. But I fear my parents will never truly love him because of his lack of faith. If we were to get married I have no idea how they would recieve it honestly.
While I have never really been concerned with my state as a JW, this year things have taken a turn for the worse. I ate a special brownie, went to the hall and proceeded to have an intense crying fit during one of the songs. I could not contain myself. I felt guilty and sad about everything and broke down during prayer. Is this normal? My mother saw this as a sign that I wanted to repent and come back, I beleive. I hated that I gave my parents false hope.
During the past year I have been in a constant state of paranoia. I fear everything. I lay in bed at night unable to sleep. i constantly thinkabout the state of my soul and if I will live or die. I have gone crazy over conspiracy theories involving the illuminati and evil things and it has utterly consumed my mind. I can't help myself but to reserach and by doing so my thinking only goes further into the darkness. One night, I even thought I heard Jehovah himself talking to me and condeming my behavoir. I swear it was the most lucid dream that I have ever had and still scares me to this day. Of course I went to bed high, but nothing like that has ever happend before. I has seriously been taking a toll on my mental state and I am concerned that I may be depressed. In fact I know I am. I had a mental breakdown the other day over the stress I have been feeling and my fear of evil. My friends noticed how down I was and I began to cry hysterically. The whole expirience was equally traumatic and theraputic as it felt good to actually be voicing my inner anguish.
Aside from that, I told my parents last week, the week before the memorial, that I would not be attending. Tonight was the first time I did not go. I feel good and bad at the same time, but many of you say it gets easier. I told them that I did not know if the truth was for me, but I respected their religion and right to believe. I just wanted to know that they would always love me. They said they would, but that things would change as I got older. Disheartening as it was, I guess that was the best response I could hope for.
I guess all I want to know is that things get better. I would love to hear your thoughts on anything I have to say. No matter how many times you try to explain your previous lifestyle to your non-jw friends they just don't understand how deep these roots really go. Advice is truly appreciated. Thanks. :)
Also, if I could move this thread to the private support section that would be awesome. I didn't realize I could post there.