I worry about your kids growing up around all of that screaming, yelling, and verbal abuse. I would hate for them growing up thinking that communicating that way is normal and acceptable.
I was glad to hear you stand up for yourself and reject verbal abuse by saying,"Don't talk down to me." That creates a boundary of respect around your communications.
I would respond to any loud, shrill, out of control, or swearing type speech with, "You may not speak to me like this. When you get yourself together, and can speak respectfully, then we can continue this conversation.
Set a boundary around basic respectful speech in conversations. All that yelling, screaming and cursing: You don't deserve it, your kids don't deserve it, and they shouldn't grow up thinking that this is normal and acceptable behavior.
I think that might be a great place to start carving out some basic communication ground rules.