Julia, I am sorry that you are not feeling so hot. I had a depressive episode starting in August, exacerbated by the loss of my 18 year old cat in September, and lasting until just recently. Oh, and I am a certified teacher who is only working as a substitute and I am not happy about that either.
Are you stressing because it's summer and you are worrying about employment for next school year? Do you feel stuck? Please find a therapist to help you get over the hump. I have bipolar disorder and I have been seeing my psychiatrist more often than normal to adjust my meds to try to get me over the hump.
But, in the meantime, your life suffers and you need a plan to get back on track again. A therapist could help you with both getting over the trauma and then putting your life back together. I am still in process because the bipolar waxes and wanes. And then I have to put it back together all over again.
My advice is to not stress over a teaching job right now. If you are not ready, as you know, it won't work out well. First is taking care of yourself. Call a therapist, please, and give them a chance to understand and be able to help.
Cry over your kitty as much as you need to. Make a small memorial if you so desire. Honor her life and her contribution to yours. Leave your heart open to the possibility of adopting another furry friend when you are ready. I adopted a kitten and he is quite a wild thing! I had forgotten about rogue attacks from under the sofa!
Please pm me if you'd like. I feel like I truly understand where you are coming from because there seem to be lots of similarities in our situations. I am coming out the other side of a bad episode right now, so hang in there! Things can get better.
GrreatTeacher