BrokenBonz, if you're only now making your own decisions, then you are only now growing up. Adults make their own decisions.
It sounds like your wife has been grown up and making her own decisions far longer than you. This might be at the root of your marriage difficulties. No woman, especially with children, wants to be married to a man-child.
But, growing up is hard. Especially at this late state. However, I believe you can do it because I have seen many others do it on this forum over the years.
I can promise that it won't be easy, but I can promise that it will be worthwhile.
Best of luck.