Posts by GrreatTeacher

47

Are JWs "mind trained" to be habitual liars?

by nonjwspouse in

i don't mean overly obvious, or otherwise meaning to cause harm, but taught to lie for the purpose of avoidance.

this type of lying can be pervasive in areas of life that are not just to avoid discussions with people who have questions about the jw, etc.

my husband will lie/be deceitful about the silliest, simple things.

GrreatTeacher

Nonjwspouse, I know you posted this a month ago, but while reading this it struck me that your husband's behavior sounds consistent with ADHD.

My son has it and I know my husband does, too, but he won't go to a doctor.

The problems with time management, financial skills, long-term planning, problems in school, etc., these are executive function problems. ADHD is a deficit in executive functioning. You can be highly intelligent and still have problems functioning, despite the best of intentions. I see this disorder in my classroom, too, and your description sounds very consistent with behaviors I've seen in the classroom and with my family.

Also, it's highly heritable. If your daughter is having trouble functioning in school, especially if she is intelligent, have her screened! Your famiky doctor can do it and provide a screening questionnaire to her teacher. Intelligent students who struggle because of this disorder can become very demotivated and eventually give up. It's terrible to watch a kid that needs medical help struggle in the classroom when the parents can't be convinced to have them screened.

Also, you don't have to have the hyperactive variant to have ADHD. Girls especially often just seem inattentive and disorganized. Hyperactive young boys may even seem to outgrow the hyperactivity, but the inattention is usually still disabling.

Consider having both of them screened. The money thing...that is my husband! We just agree that I'm in charge of finances because he refuses to sit down and go over them. He doesn't like it sometimes when I tell him he can't buy something or to stop spending money, but I just tell him that he chose to not sit down with me to do the finances so he forced me to be the responsible one. I really wish he would go get the diagnosis I know he has. He could be so much more...together, and his life would be easier.

My son got the diagnosis in elementary school, finally found the right medicine, and now in high school he is on Honor Roll! For awhile I was worried, but I'm feeling good about his future now.

Sorry for rambling. Just thought I'd give you my observation in case it could help.

27

Dealing with Elderly Parents Who Still Believe the jw Religion is the truth

by lancelink in

i left the religion back in 2008 right after my mother died,( the total lack of natural love/ affection was the final straw for me).. but my dad has become more and more focused on doing the wt bidding.. it just amazes me how he gushes on and on about the last days, his new bible studies, and meeting parts .

but yet he makes no effort to have any type of relationship with his grandkids, there are 5 of them , non are witnesses.

they are the children from several different sisters of mine, and myself.. so how do you deal with the witness stuff always being presented in conversations?.

GrreatTeacher

I've also come to the conclusion that it's maybe not the kindest or best idea to get them to understand TTATT.

However, I've also come to the conclusion that I don't have to subject myself to it anymore, either. So, when my mother starts to go on about the "truth," I just say, "Okay, I've gotta go now," and end the phone conversation.

Eventually, she's been trained that if she brings it up, she loses the conversation with me. And, she wants both! She wants to talk about her religion with me. But, I don't want that. It is terribly distressing to me. But, she eventually calls back and now she mentions it less and less.

It's just sad because it really kills my desire to have much of a relationship with her. We basically have little in common, other than my son, and as he gets older, there's just less and less to talk about.

29

Disfellowshipped for being complicit in someone else's sin - really?!

by Isambard Crater in

a close friend of mine who is pimo (only staying in for family reasons) in a neighboring congregation called me in tears tonight saying her dad (elder) is telling her he is seriously considering reporting her to her local elders and she could get disfellowshipped.. the reason?

because she is complicit in a gross sin, according to him, by going with her best friend (not a j.w.

) when the friend had an abortion.

GrreatTeacher

This really bothers me. As if it's everyone else's problem to supply babies to others.

I can't help but feel that cheapens life by commodifying it.

167

Sudden General Election in UK to be held June 8th 2017

by freddo in

theresa may the british p.m. has called for an election.. the house of commons has to vote tomorrow and have a two-thirds majority to agree and the main opposition parties want it to happen too so it looks pretty certain to go ahead..

GrreatTeacher

Not really expert on UK politics, but I have to report that this made the news in the US. I heard it while driving to work.

May seems to have seriously miscalculated.

Not sure, but I'm just figuring that she was trying to pre-empt any complaints about Brexit in advance by making sure she had a mandate.

But, other than that, I don't really understand why she called an election.

*dumb American scratches head*

8

(Young) Personal Experience of Leaving JW as a Baptised Brother

by hongkong123 in

i was a baptised brother born in a jw family with my dad as the elder.

i left (or fade) a year ago and i am still a student studying in college.

i would like to post something here since i have quite a complicated feeling after a year out.

GrreatTeacher

"A vicious cycle of hard life"

That's a great way to describe the difficult life that people face without an education that will allow them to provide for their material needs.

It's one thing to be poor as you start out in life. It's quite another to face poverty for a lifetime.

33

Wanting Less Involvement (long newbie story)

by DepthsResounding in

i was raised a jw and am currently pioneer in a foreign language congregation.

i have been unhappy on and off with my involvement in this religion and am ready to step back again.

growing up i was always active but extremely reserved and a low hour publisher.

GrreatTeacher

Yup, that's where the religion puts you: all alone. It's deliberate; people who don't have the skillset (by design) to make it in the world will run right back to the organization, where they might also feel alone and unable to share their true selves without fear of ostracism.

Look, I understand wanting to get married, wanting a relationship. But, what would you be bringing to it? You're working part-time and still living at home. People are looking for others who will pull their weight in a relationship. Those who have careers are attractive. Those who can take care of themselves independently are attractive.

My first advice would be to get a "real" job, one with benefits and enough income so you can begin supporting yourself. This will build self-esteem and help you "find" yourself. You seem lost, as if you don't really know who you are, and, therefore, what you want. This is normally a task started in adolescence and finished by the early twenties or so.

It's no accident that JWs are stuck at that stage. Every part of life has a pre-formed set of ideas/ rules surrounding it: marriage, family, career, time-management, beliefs. If you don't think too hard about it, you might actually believe that those are your personal opinions, too. But, when you do think hard on it, you realize that you really don't know what your personal opinions are because you've never had to think about it. You wouldn't recognize a personal opinion if hit you on the head!

So, to begin to get to know yourself, you have to give the gift of time to yourself. Time to do things that will help you find you. Most people do this through career to begin with. Then, once you're a confident person, confident in yourself, you attract other people. Self-support is critical. Every person needs the dignity that comes from knowing that you can take care of yourself and your needs no matter what happens.

I think that's where you need to start.

71

Breaking News, London: Van Ploughs into Pedestrians

by Simon in

3 male passengers then get out and start stabbing / shooting people according to early reports.. but it could have been anyone for any reason, who knows, possibly jehovahs witnesses or amish.. maybe we'll never know the reason but i'm sure there will be people praying for those involved and hashtags.. thus solving the problem once and for all.. just "life in a big city" according to the muslim mayor of london, sadiq khan..

GrreatTeacher

Can confirm, Bungi Bill, US police officers are not trained to wound; they are trained to stop the target.

This is also known as making sure you're the one who goes home at the end of your shift.

As far as not all policemen having the skills to be armed, in the US, if you don't have the skills, you don't become a police officer.

8

The power of cognitive dissonance

by joe134cd in

i've been watching this reality tv program called "catfish".

it deals with people who have had a rough deal with internet dating e.g fake profile, money scams etc.

any way there was one episode that really stuck out to me that made me realized the power of cognitive dissonance in dealing with jws.

GrreatTeacher

You can ignore a lot of red flags when you really want to believe that something is true.

When you're wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags just look like flags.

19

Feeling Alone. Need Emotional Support.

by Doubtfully Yours in

please chime in if you're one of my kindred spirit that happens to literally be trapped in due to strong family/friends ties, or plain fear of being abandoned in old age.. although leaving the org is my ultimate wish and desire, fear of the unknown, fear of how it would change my family dinamics, plain fear alone paralyzes me.

how do you cope in this difficult situation?

dy.

GrreatTeacher

I'm sorry, DY.

If you're an introvert, you slog through the loneliness, slowly rebuild a new life and after a year or two (or three) you recover and rebuild a new life.

If you're an extrovert, I understand how daunting that might feel to give up the social activity that the congregation provides, not to mention the distressing possibility of losing family.

There are no easy answers. I understand the fear of losing emotional and financial support of family.

It seems like you're stuck with choosing the "least awful" alternative.

Please use us for support. Though it's "virtual," it's no less real than real-life friendships. Lots of folks here are willing to meet up in real life, too. If you live near DC, you can PM me and I would love to meet up!

We've been there. It's hard. No one is promising "easy." In fact, we can promise "hard," but it's the kind of "hard" that works like a trial by fire; you're stronger on the other side.

23

How Do You Get Most of Your News?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i read that many people get their news from facebook.

i look online mostly at fox news and the drudge report.

very seldom do i look at cnn.😎.

GrreatTeacher

There is no "The Media."

There are dozens of different news outlets, each with their own particular flavor.

You've got to look at it all and then come to your own conclusions.