Tatiana
You make a point within your lifes story concerning subconciouse thoughts stuck in your memory about,stealing food for your children ,this i see as a loving mother whom found herself on hard times,whom wouldnot let her children go hungry,i know that given your circumstances ,evey loving person would have done the same thing, i say you borrowed the food ,reminds myself of the time my mother some 30 years ago, with 6 kids at the time, god bless her ,was in a simulair situation as regards no money,living in the country she stole as is defined by mans law ,five pounds of potatoes from a farmers field due to circumstances,she was stopped by the police and charged etc etc again we see a woman fending for her kids ,some would condem but jesuss followers would say so what,big deal get over your actions as defied by society as to right and wrong ,if your hungry one must eat,
If you still feel awkward then all you have to do is repay the cost of what you used say to a person whom may be in need,say a tramp,even an hungry child,use this as the catholiccs do as for attonment say confession ,then your conciounce may be spared from whatever, but every good act passed onto someome in need makes this world a better place to live in ,my wife wants to adopt you but i wouldnot go that far ,
hope your life turns around into a succsess story,
you allso mention that IF,your mother said sorry then all would be forgiven, sorry i dont see that as benifitting you and all the problems you have experienced,
the reason why i say this is that sometimes the older generation dont want to see the harm that they have committed against there offspring,they wont admitt that they are or were wrong ,if she said sorry to you then she would be saying that jehovahs ways were wrong,in the way she handled the matter,sorry to say this but you dont study the scriptures for 2 weeks and then decide to leave your husband,do you think that she had decided on this type of action before she started studying with the borg,and used this as a planed excuse for leaving your farther,just a thought.
may the creator continue to bless you in all avenues .