Dear Fairchild,
Your dilemma is actually a simple one. You are lost in your mind; and using only your mind will lead you into endless unanswerable questions. Silently and patiently observe how thoughts, concepts and beliefs only weave a tighter web of confusion cutoff from any sense of comforting reality.
What if awareness is taken off formulations and grand productions of the mind, what is here then? What is real?
Come back to the vibrant aliveness of this present moment. Silently and without mental abstraction and commentary look deeper into the actuality which is here, and see if there is a peace beyond understanding of the mind.
Be still, and know...

j