Valis....you're in my thoughts, dear one.
Beryl
berylblue
JoinedPosts by berylblue
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28
The Prodigal One That Never Went Back...
by Valis inthis is the tale of a young man that had a bright future as a cellist..he was only sixteen and things were looking bright if not for the very one that was supposed to be the head of the household.
we'll call him jack...short for jackass btw.
jack was a violent man, living and conducting himself as an upstanding jw in the eyes of the congregation...he beat his wife, married his 16 year old daughter off to some cretin, mistreated his other daughter, and finally took much aggression out on his sons...well jack did a real good job of beating the hope out of the prodigal one...he gave up playing cello and ran away from home to join the navy during vietnam...the rest of his life was hard and being rather tall, even for a prodigal one, his body got tired after a hard life...congenital lung disease, several bad motorcycle wrecks/suicide attempts imo, he's dying now..on a respirator...to complicate things, his wife of more than 15 years died today of congestive heart failure and complications from open heart surgery....you see, he never went home because there is not one to go back to...his mother died of cancer , jack left his first family and moved on to abuse two others while remaining a jw (not one now as far as i know) and has not been heard from for years.
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Depressed beyond Words...
by Shytears indid u ever feel so depressed u felt the only thing that could get rid of the pain was to commit suicide???
?...well i tried that tonite,i know its not a good thing ,but i felt it was the only way out..well im still here so i didnt do it,thank god,my wrists have lil cuts everywhere tho,i just hope no one sees them..if u guys remember me yall know it has been an ongoing battle with my parents cause i dont wanna be a witness.. now i literally cannot do nothing!
they dont trust me at all!
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berylblue
Precious, you must get help. I have been where you are. While I haven't tried to kill myself, I thought about it all the time. Been big on self-harm since I was a little girl. You know, cutting myself. My body is covered with scars from the slashes I've made on my body due to self-loathing. I do understand pain so intense one has to harm oneself.
But suicide attempts go way beyond self-harming. I could not bear the thought of you ending your life.
If you are online, check out www.samaritans.org. Or call your suicide prevention hotline. If you have medical insurance, perhaps you could go to the hospital. If you want a blow by blow account of what goes on in a psych hospital, and what to expect, email me. I've been there. One thing such a visit would do is stabilize you, and perhaps get you on some life-saving meds. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you are suicidally depressed and to go in the hospital for help. Yes, it may seem embarrassing, but depression is a serious illness, no less valid and serious than cancer. No one would make fun of a cancer patient for seeking treatment.
My experience in the psych hospital has been that while others may not understand what you are going through, most patients will offer their unconditional love and support. The psych hospital is a great equalizer. People in that much pain are not usually judgemental.
I've rambled enough. Get help. You can't deal with this on your own. If you consider going in the hospital, DO email me. I'll check my mail often. I mean this. I can tell you what to expect, etc.
Beryl
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23
How many of you belong to another religion now, and if so, which?
by berylblue ini've always wanted so much to know the true god and to do his will, but it seems i struck out at the kh.
my deep spiritual need is not being met, but i don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire, you know?.
beryl.
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berylblue
Thank you for that lovely sentiment. I will read the scripture. I just want to do what the true God wants! I am so confused...it's literally painful...
Beryl
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How many of you belong to another religion now, and if so, which?
by berylblue ini've always wanted so much to know the true god and to do his will, but it seems i struck out at the kh.
my deep spiritual need is not being met, but i don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire, you know?.
beryl.
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berylblue
I would really like to know. I've always wanted so much to know the true God and to do his will, but it seems I struck out at the KH. My deep spiritual need is not being met, but I don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire, you know?
Beryl
of the "searching for the way to worship Jehovah acceptably" class
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My introduction...hopefully not too long!
by Redneckgurl ini am going to try to introduce myself without giving away any evidence of who i am as i am not df or da, but just wanting to figure out what is right for me to do!
i was born into the jw world only to have parents df as a young child and we celebrated all the holidays without the "holy" meanings and i have such wonderful memories of that.
when i was 10, the elders stopped by and the rest is history.......i had to quit dance lessons, stop going to my friends house, and no more birthday parties, etc etc.
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berylblue
Welcome!
I am going through some of what you are experiencing. I do feel your pain and confusion, and I'm ready to listen anytime you'd like to talk.
Beryl
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berylblue
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you had a great day.
Beryl
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50
Favorite authors?
by bebu infirst, i never was a jw, but since a dear friend of mine is one, i'm here to learn from the human elements in order to give her quiet assistance in leaving someday (soon, i hope).... i love reading.
my favorite author thru the years has been cs lewis.
i read narnia in hs, and loved the last book the best (last battle).
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berylblue
I am not very well read...spent high school smoking in the girl's room or at the mall or at the racetrack....
But I do love George Orwell and Oscar Wilde.
Richard Lewellyn's "How Green Was My Valley" is quietly beautiful.
Beryl
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18
How many of you have had panic/anxiety attacks at the KH or...
by berylblue in...cried through a meeting and, if so, what were the reasons?.
i cried through a lot of meetings at my second congregation while i was still in good standing.
i couldn't stop myself; i'd just cry quietly.
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berylblue
...cried through a meeting and, if so, what were the reasons?
I cried through a lot of meetings at my second congregation while I was still in good standing. I couldn't stop myself; I'd just cry quietly. In retrospect, I realize I was feeling a lot of pain at the lack of love in the congregation.
When I was DF, the first meeting I went to afterwards, I had a full blown panic attack, started hyperventilating, shaking and crying, and had to leave the Hall. I actually collapsed in the snow and cried. No one came to see what was wrong, although everyone in the last 7 or 8 rows saw me.
I pulled myself together and walked home. It was about 2 miles. Not too bad, but.....I remember a bad snow storm I walked to and from the Hall and everyone just rode by. Except one car with persons in it I had never seen before. A woman called out, "Sister, would you like a ride?" Being the good DF person I was (what an oxymoron), I said, "No, I'm DF, I can't". She then said, "But it is snowing and you are shivering". I said, " I wouldn't want you to get in trouble".That was the only display of love that I ever received from that congregation, and apparently they weren't even in that congregation.
I felt so much love for that woman.
But yes, I myself have cried and had major anxiety attacks at the KH.
Beryl
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DF sitting together in KH
by chester inplease help me find a post.. the other day a poster related an experience about how she was told that she was not allowed to sit with another person who was also disfellowshiped.
i have been trying to find that post so i can show it to my wife.
can someone help me find it?
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berylblue
As for sitting together in the hall........as far as 'WHAT IS WRITTEN" DISFELLOWSHIPPED PEOPLE ARE TO SIT........IN THE BACK OF THE HALL...........AND THAT'S ALL THAT IS SAID.
Interesting. Although I sat in the back anyway, I sometimes sat in the front as a DF person, and no one said anything to me. I think they were all afraid I'd go off on them and have a panic attack or something
Beryl
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Confessions of an ex-elder
by Irreverent insince this forum is for cleansing and healing through sharing, i want to share some confessions of an ex-elder.
how could i have allowed myself to be conned into becoming an elder?
and, after becoming an elder, why did it take me 3 years to finally figure out the hypocrisy of the organization?
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berylblue
I am thankful for the few that I was able to help.
What a loving man! Welcome.
Beryl